Resistance
by Lady Sosostris
Summary: Two countries torn by war, death and grief. Not much is left in Major General Natsume Hyuuga's heart except for anguish and hatred, but when he finds himself mortally wounded in enemy territory, he expects Death. He didn't expect however to be saved by an enemy, least of all, to fall in love with an enemy that his government taught so well to hate. No one expected that. War-fic AU
1. Prologue

**A/N: **New story! Unlike the rest of my stories, this won't be drabbles, but a conventional narrative.

**Prologue: Shot**

* * *

When asked how the war started, depending on whom you ask, you get a different answer. The only thing that the respective governments knew for certain was the death toll on their own side - the lives given up for the sake of their country.

Lives given up for their _country?_ Or lives ripped apart from families for the sake of the privileged, greedy elitists who sat safely on their greased seats, miles and miles away from the battlefield?

Lives wasted for a cause no one believed anymore.

But the government had bred enough hatred amongst its people; they had started the cries of shock and terror, which now the people echoed independently. They sneezed first, thereby germinating the contagious poison in their countries. Five years of war later, and no cure or remedy was yet to be found: the symptoms had simply gotten worse - they all wished for the deaths of their enemies.

Not peace, but only death.

The Alicean all thought the Z-Nation were rapist monsters, blood-thirsty and deranged. The Z-Nation thought the Aliceans were backward-thinking devil-worshippers.

When asked how the war started, depending on whom you ask, you get a different answer. Well, it went something like this: political debates meant friction between Z-Nation and Alicea, which culminated into the halting of trading goods. Goods included _oil_, and oil is _energy_, which meant _money_, which equals _control_. Propaganda spread, then, a bullet shot! A rebel Alicean fired at Z's President's only child. Talk of war spread, then the racist persecutions started … people fled to their countries, scared and distrusting of foreigners. Z then moved its troops on the borders and silenced protesting Aliceans. This all happened in the span of three months.

And then –

"_I am speaking to you, my nation, my people, Zs from my office in the Red House. This morning, on the 14__th__ of May, Year of the Rabbit, the Z Ambassador in Alicea was given a final notice stating that unless we remove our troops from our borders that a state of war would exist between us. This afternoon, as the President of Z, I __personally have refused this Alicean demand. The audacity to force our troops to move is unacceptable, given the volatile state of our two nations. Up to the very last minute, I tried to negotiate peace, but the Alicean ruler would not have it. I am therefore speaking to my nation on the radio, to tell you all, as consequence, this proud country is at war with Alicea."_

War!

"—_I know that our women will play their part with calmness and courage. I know that our men will win our battles, so to win and finish this war with Alicea—"_

Fast forward to now: the Year of the Monkey. The young, and old men were gathered like matchsticks in a box, shipped off to war. The young, and old women were told to sit at home.

A bullet shot!

"Abort! I repeat: _abort!_" yelled Major General Hyuuga. His men were falling like flies – he will be next. "_Abort! Fall back, fall back!_"

Goddamit, goddamit – he was a Major General, he wasn't supposed to _be_ here, he wasn't supposed to _die_ here—

_The_ bullet shot! And another! And more!

Major General Hyuuga fell to Alicean ground, shot and wounded. This couldn't be happening—he couldn't just die here, be left on enemy lines, on the turf like an animal. His body tumbled down the hill, ripping the grass as he rolled down to a halt.

Goddammit! Goddammit! His men! His honour!

He instinctively clutched at the openings of his wounds and screamed in anguish: thick, gushing blood confirmed his mortality. "Fuck! Fuck!" he yelled, tormented, furious, in shock and in pain. "_Fuck this all!"_

Was death knocking on his door so soon? Was death touching his face, caressing him, seducing him to follow into its shadowy realm?

All was fading to black: the last he saw was his bleeding abdomen and leg; the last he smelt was blood and dirt; the last he felt was the warm stickiness of his blood; the last he tasted was the dirt in his mouth; the last he heard were continuing shouts and bullets punctuating the early evening.

All turned to black.

* * *

**A/N: **Please bear with this story! This is only the Prologue. Of course, the true nature of this war will be revealed as time goes on. But to summarise very briefly, in this fiction, you will encounter two countries: **Z** and **Alicea**. You will learn more about these countries as the story develops.

The President's war speech is based on Neville Chamberlain's declaration of war speech against Nazi Germany.

**This story is set in an alternate universe. **


	2. Chimes

**A/N: **And so it begins…

**Chapter 1: Chimes**

* * *

Major General Natsume Hyuuga awoke to sound of wind chimes. It was a sound he had never before. He very much liked the sound.

He blinked, trying to find the source of such a sweet, charming chiming. The searching of innocence however was cut short when his eyes passed around the room. If he was asked his exact location at that point, he would not know, but he knew he was not in a place he should be.

The sliding doors. The unfamiliar flooring. The low ceilings. He was familiar enough with his enemy's culture to know he was in an Alicean living room, albeit a very small one. His body was sprawled on the floor, cocooned within a thick mattress and heavy blankets.

He scoffed. He had heard that these barbarians slept on the floor.

_But no, focus!_ Why was he _here_? Why was he in an enemy's living room? Had he been captured? His heart pounding, trying to rip through his chest.

The memories of the mission came back, and on impulse, he ripped the blankets away, desperate to see his wounded abdomen and leg. He should not have been so forceful in his actions – the sudden movement caused pain in his stomach: he winced at the sharp stabbing sensation, and grinded his teeth.

Was he being detained by Alicean Generals? He was no longer wearing his stiff uniform, but instead, was wearing what could only be described as a sick-patient's loose getup. He paled at the thought that by his decorated uniform they could know his rank… there would be no point to deny it. They could torture him for information.

His wounds had been bandaged, although not by a doctor's hand. He could tell: he had been fighting so long now, he was familiar with the handiwork of a doctor and their meticulous application habits. The bandages seemed new enough, yet his blood had already stained through the white. Clearly his bleeding was not ending soon.

Natsume swore.

What would his next move be? Dare he wander? Should he attempt to locate his uniform and his handgun? Moreover, where was he? Still in the outskirts of Central?

The thought of Central immediately depressed Natsume. There he had been, with his men, on a mission to further Z's stance, and to infiltrate Central's headquarters. He wondered if _any_ of his men survived, and felt his insides clench in mourning. They were all so young. He felt like he was going to vomit yet the hollow feeling of being eaten from the inside out prevented such actions.

_In a white field, they walk. You call their names; they look back. They wave. But then they turn their backs, and keeping walking. Away._

Suddenly, the chiming resumed. He looked up, and saw glittering pipes hanging by the tiny, round-shaped window. It danced softly in the wind, reminding him of happier days: going to see the ballet with his mother and father in his hometown. He had hated those performances as a child, but now, couldn't think of anything more beautifully crafted.

His mother, his father! Would he ever see them again?

Luca! Oh God, Luca must be so worried. The rest of them too – they probably all thought he was dead.

_Well, I'll probably be killed for information soon anyway. I'm as good as dead._

Will his best friend be alright? Will he survive the war?

What about his fiancée? She's been waiting so long for him back in Z… and after 5 years of nothing, it will all end with news his unexpected capture and death? Natsume felt awful. He had never treated her right, and now, now that his death was near he wished he had done things differently. He wasn't in love with Luna Koizumi, his fiancée – she was the daughter of a successful motor-developer, and both his parents and her parents agreed on the marriage. But that didn't mean he couldn't grow to love her. Not to mention, the arrangement did not bother him so – he liked the idea of having Luna as his wife, and liked the idea of her fathering his children. She was smart and beautiful.

But he did not love her, and didn't show any signs that he cared.

He should have replied to at least one of her letters; she had written so many to him, and he had left them all ignored, yellowing in his drawer in his desk, lost amongst the war-reports…

He regretted his silence deeply, for now he will not have a chance to speak at all.

The abrupt, sharp noise of the door sliding open behind his back made Natsume jump, before he went rigid. He was still sat on the floor on the mattress, but thought there was no point in standing. They would have guns – he had nothing. He had once interrogated an Alicean Colonel, and so he knew how these questionings ended: with a bullet in the head. No information comes free in a war, and lives were the most common currency.

_I am going to die._

"You're awake."

It was not the voice he was expecting. The voice was low, but it was not of a man. Natsume turned.

It was indeed a woman. An Alicean woman, holding a tray of Alicean food.

The women of Alicea looked and dressed differently to the woman of Z. This woman's hair was neatly pulled back, arranged to keep any strands from falling around her face. Her face was small. She couldn't have been taller than 5'2". Her body was completely concealed and shapeless in her attire. She was enchanting; she was beautiful.

And Natsume didn't trust her one bit. On instinct, he hated her.

He made this clear, when he aggressively replied, "Where the hell am I? Who the hell are you?"

The woman seemed to expect this. She did not reply, and instead, just made her way towards him with the food.

When she was a few inches away, Natsume tried to stand up, desperate to fight, desperate to _hurt_ her until he got the answers he wanted and needed – but his attempt was futile. His movement gave another tearing pain in his wounds, so much so, that he could not conceal his discomfort from this unknown woman.

She put the tray of food down beside him, before saying, "Let me take a look at your—"

"Don't you fuckin' touch me, you Alicean whore!" Natsume shouted, furious. "What do you want from me? Bring your superiors in!"

Was this standard Alicean strategy? Bring out beautiful women, who pretend to nurse you back to health? Was this some kind of sick Alicean joke? Were they testing his resolve?

The woman did not seem affected by Natsume's diabolical shouting. Once again, she looked as if she knew he would react in such a way.

"I'm no whore." was the first thing she said, with a fierce and resolved glint in her eye, before she continued, "You must eat. I've made some—"

"_Enough with your bullshit!"_ He couldn't stand due to his legs, but he could still move his arms just fine. He had interrupted her with his harsh words, accompanied by throwing the bowl of rice to the other side of the room. The bowl smashed against the wall, making the woman jump in fear. The loud crashing reverberated in the small room, and the rice scattered uselessly to the floor.

Natsume felt the power balance shift in that instance: now that she was scared of him, surely he could get something out of her.

She stayed quiet however, and Natsume watched her in fury, as she stood up to retrieve the broken fragments of the bowl.

"I know you're confused—"

"What—"

She turned back to face him, snapping her neck so fast that a strand of her hair fell from its updo.

"_Listen to me_." She stood up, straight, her posture perfect. It had been a long time since someone had commanded Natsume. "You are in a safe place. I found you at the bottom of the marshlands. You still had breath. I brought you here. I dressed your wounds. You've been here for two days already. I will take care of you. Once you've recovered, you will leave."

Natsume glared at her. He didn't believe a word she had just said.

"Eat." She commanded, motioning towards the rest of the food in the tray. "You need to eat."

Natsume wanted to spit in her food to make his point clear.

The woman made her way to the sliding door, so she could leave his unforgiving and pernicious presence.

_She's a whore_, Natsume said to himself, _a whore hired to seduce me! A goddamn whore!_ Yet he couldn't help think that she would have been a beautiful ballerina, as he once again heard the chimes dance in the wind. She would have been the Queen on the constructed stage.

The chimes reminded him to breathe steadily.

Once his anger dissipated, pain kicked in. The pain of his wounds, his impending doom, his faded childhood and visions of the future he will not have made Natsume groan in pure, raw anguish.

* * *

**A/N:** East Asian culture will align with Alicea, however, I want to stress that Alicea is _not_ an Asian country, as we would automatically categories it. This is a complete Alternate Universe. Though there will be similar attributes (especially with the country of Japan), I want to stress that I am not saying explicitly that Alicea is Japan, and Z-Nation is a Western country (like America, let's say). Any of you read Fullmetal Alchemist? Yes? So, just how there are parallels between Amestris and Germany, and Xing and China, the countries in my stories will follow such pattern.

**This plot is quite cliché: love story. Forgive me! This has just been playing on my mind recently, so.**

Thank you! :)


	3. Fool

**A/N: **New characters introduced. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2: Fool**

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Brigadier Luca Nogi dumped the phone in its place, into the receiving, effectively cutting off the line. His head hung limply for a while, all whilst his mind was still trying to process everything that had happened in the past few hours.

He had been disenchanted for a while now. He had wondered why they were all fighting and dying. He had voiced these thoughts to his best friend.

And now his best friend was gone, gone away with his words. Now he was left with nothing.

Nothing connected with nothing anymore.

A soft, familiar voice brought his head up: "Luca. Luca. Look at me."

His eyes found Brigadier Shin's kind brown eyes. Shino Shin, more commonly known as Koko, put a hand on Luca's shoulder.

"What did he say?"

Luca answered in a dry, hoarse voice, "He thanked me saying Natsume was missing in action, rather than dead." Luca had just been on the phone to Natsume's father and mother, informing them that their son and his best friend had not returned from a devastating mission. He felt tears rise to his eyes when recalling Kaoru Hyuuga's shrieking sob.

Koko pressed his lips together before saying, "Luca … there's no chance Natsume survived—"

"You think I don't know that!" Luca shouted, pushing Koko away violently, "You think I don't know that!" He knew he was deluding himself – he knew he was lying to himself when he wrote 'Missing in action' on Natsume's file, rather than 'Killed in action'. "But I just don't want him to be dead, Koko! I'm holding on to the impossible right now, and for now, let me hold on to it!"

"Don't shout at me!" Koko retaliated, firming his stance, ready for combat. "Natsume's _my_ friend too! He's my friend too! But I'd rather say he's dead than give into the possibility he's—"

"You're still speaking about him in the present tense, Koko," Luca interrupted, perceptive even in extreme circumstances, "and that says everything to me. So don't get angry with me for writing that report. You know how it is nowadays. If we don't hear anything in the next 31 days, I'll start talking about him in the past tense too. For now, accept my decisions, including sending out a search party for him."

Koko's nostrils flared, and he tried very hard to maintain the stiffness that comes with being a Brigadier, but before he knew it, he was crying into Luca's arms.

It was all too much – all too much.

They were stationed in Umimachi. Umimachi was strategically vital, for being a port city meant endless sources of sustenance, and ammunition was replenished by supporting countries from across the sea. Z Nation had totally, and devastatingly overruled Umimachi a few weeks ago, and the former Alicean city now functioned as part of Z. It was quite like a successful heart transplant: what had once pumped life into Alicea now did so to Z, consequently terminating Alicea.

Natsume had been there, with them, only a mere few hours ago, before he decided to lead his men into the outskirts of the city Central. Central was the largest city in eastern Alicea. Another heart transplant there would be enriching – the superiors said so. Their orders fell upon Natsume and his men. But only three men managed to return – enough men to tell the General Anju of the complete annihilation of Major General Hyuuga's men.

None of them knew what had happened to the Major General himself. It had all happened too fast, they said.

Tears fell thickly.

"Luna? Have you called her?" Koko remembered Natsume's fiancée's pretty face, hating even more now to think of her alone in her spacious white double bed.

"Mr. Hyuuga said he'd tell her himself."

It took them a while for the tears to cease.

They then walked, taking steps, in the direction of the canteen, every step heavier than the last.

Lieutenant General Akira Tonouchi skidded the corner, nearly bumping into both Luca and Koko. Their reactions were slow – it took them a second longer than it would have usually done to salute their superior.

Lieutenant General Akira Tonouchi, more commonly known as Tono, had a piece of buttered toast hanging from his mouth. "At ease," he dismissively waved his hand, murmuring through the toast as if it were a mouthpiece, "at ease, Brigadier Nogi, Brigadier Shin." He bit into the toast, then finally held it with his left hand.

"Look… I heard what happened to Natsume. And I'm sorry. I really am. He was a good guy. He shouldn't have died."

"Don't kill him off so easily." Luca said.

Tono sighed. "Look. I get it. I really do. Thing is, even if he did survive, the enemy has him. I'm not going to mollycoddle you. This is _war_. Men die."

Suddenly, three men opened the door behind them. In contrast, they were loud and rowdy, and obviously a bit drunk. Seeing Tono, they all grinned, calling, "Tono! We're going now! Come, let's go!"

Tono's expression changed immediately: a wolfish smile graced his face, enhancing his good looks. "I'm right behind you." He turned to Luca and Koko, "We're going to the brothels. Care to join us?"

Luca frowned, appalled. "That is the last thing on my mind, sir."

Lieutenant General Akira Tonouchi loved women. Everyone knew that.

Tono's expression changed again. "Don't look at me like that. Both of you. I told you. I get it. My best friends are all dead. And I'll never be able to bury two of them. You might think I'm a skirt-chasing idiot, but I grieve too. I fucking cried too. Point is, I'm alive, they're not. Point is, you're alive, and Natsume's not. And fact remains that I love women. "

That's the thing about wars and being in the army. A death, no matter how tragic, cannot cause another death. That's not how it worked. Stopping and grieving could lead to your own death. You must keep walking, no matter, so not to be left behind to crumble in the dust.

Seeing Luca and Koko's hard lines falter and melt, Tono grinned from ear to ear. "Word is that a former geisha by the name Sumire Shouda now works at the brothel. She's supposed to be the most beautiful creature."

Creature. Foreign women were often debased like that, so casually, so cruelly.

One of the men, who had lingered behind waiting for Tono, chortled crudely adding, "Alicean Geisha to Z prostitute! What an honour!" His chortles turned to hiccupping, wheezing laughter.

Looking at him laugh, Luca was sure that this man was more an animal than a man. Men were forgetting how to act like men, with their snorting and squealing.

"Another night, perhaps." Koko curtly answered, disgusted by the perverted laughter. The thought of this man pressing himself against a woman, and then panting and heaving on top of a woman made Koko want to vomit.

The invasion, and ultimate overrule of Umimachi meant that all the Alicean men, elders and young children were either killed or sent to concentration camps, whilst all the young women were placed in newly established Z brothels, for the sake of the Z men. Hiding behind the title of Pleasure Houses, the places were simply just houses of legalized, cold, cruel rape.

Tono was clearly displeased with Koko's tone, and to remind Koko of his superiority, he commanded, "Well I _order_ you as my inferior to join me to the brothels tonight. Only you, Brigadier Shin." He pointedly titled his head to Koko, a silent follow-up telling him to follow him and his three men. He nodded at Luca, "Good evening, Brigadier Nogi."

Luca and Koko exchanged looks.

Love is a game, they say. War is a game too.

Koko cleared his throat once he stepped into the reception of the Pleasure House. The reception was spacious, and smelt strongly of Alicean incense: a smell that could only be described as dusty, smoky and soporific. The lights were dim, and candles flickered enticingly, whispering, in all corners of the room.

At the reception was stationed a low-rank Z officer, in charge of assigning the Alicean women to Z men, depending on the woman's beauty and the man's status. Of course, it was always possible to bribe the receptionist, so you get the prettiest and youngest woman available. None of the money went to the women, but all spilled down into the military's pockets.

But alas, money was short. Only rich men could afford to spend money on women, especially a foreign whore.

"Good evening Lieutenant Gener—"

Tono dismissively waved a hand, and cut to the chase: "Sumire Shouda. I heard she's here. Can we see here?"

The receptionist grinned. "You've heard correctly, sir. She's available. Will any of you young men—"

"For now, we just want to _examine_ her."

"Bring her ouuuut!" howled the three men, excited, blood-pumping at the mere thought of a beautiful, fresh specimen of women.

"Right away, sirs." The receptionist nodded, and briskly walked off, to fetch this much sought after jewel.

At this point, Koko planned out his escape: he would quietly slip out when the woman came, as he was sure these four fools will be adequately distracted. He heard the receptionist's returning footsteps, accompanied with a softer sound of small feet shuffling close behind.

Sumire Shouda now stood before them.

This was it—this was the moment to disappear like a shadow at the moment of light, but instead, Koko was mesmerized at the source of light. Sumire Shouda was easily the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, with soft, black curly hair and large green eyes, framed by thick, dark eyebrows. Her skin was pale, and unblemished. Her cheekbones were sharp, but most likely from lack of nutrition.

Koko forgot: he was a fool too.

It was if the heavy clouds burst open, split by lightning, and the rain poured like a waterfall from the high heavens. The revelation was grand, and not subtle like a water-drop, but as mentioned, like a waterfall, roaring, and these emotions pounded ferociously in his heart. He knew it then. It only took him a few seconds.

He wanted to love this woman.

He didn't see an Alicean creature, or a jewel, or anything that should be _examined_ before him: he only saw a woman.

Tono wolf-whistled, clearly impressed. "No wonder you were the most desirable geisha."

Sumire flinched; the reflex action when a Z mentioned her glorious past. They were all culpable for her fall. They were all devils.

"I'll take her." Tono said, easily, to the receptionist.

"Of course—"

"No." Koko firmly said, interrupting. "Absolutely not. I'll take her."

Behind her back, Sumire clawed her own arms with her nails. Look at them, fighting like animals, and her, the piece of silent dead meat.

Tono looked affronted and opened his mouth to retaliate, but Koko continued, "You may be my superior, _sir_, but my pockets run deeper. Besides," he smiled, "I thought you brought me here to make me happy."

This was true. At first, Tono begrudgingly bit him lip, his eyes flitting from Sumire to Koko. Then, a genuine smile graced his face. "You're right. Our military needs more money anyway. I'm sure I'll have my fill soon!" There was no need to fight over an Alicean woman, after all, let alone an Alicean whore.

Koko was triumphant. Brigadier Shin was a _rich_ fool, after all.

* * *

**A/N: **Updating tomorrow. Please review! Thank you!


	4. Insanity

**A/N: **Next installment. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3: Insanity**

* * *

Natsume awoke due to the pain in his abdomen. Wincing as he turned in these unfamiliar, but warm sheets, he propped himself on his elbow to examine his wound. He did not let the woman near his wounds, and was so unsurprised to see that his blood had now completely stained through the thin mattress and duvet, leaving a sticky mess.

His pride stopped him from calling for help.

After she had left him yesterday, in his state of immobility, he waited for Alicean officers to take him away.

Yet none came.

Nonetheless, he spent the night with one eye open, in fear that the enemy will materialize out of nowhere when he least expected it. He cautioned himself to not get too comfortable in this make-shift bed.

Natsume checked his leg. He could now see that his wound on his leg was not as serious as the wound on his stomach. Very slowly, he bent his knees in, testing carefully to see if he could actually walk, or _move_ at all.

Years of military training and assignments made him strong. Though there was pain, he managed to focus on other things, as he gathered his energy and stood. He breathed heavily, having used the small table to help prop him up.

He was standing! Success!

Now, the task at hand: find out where he is.

Before he moved to go rummage at the drawers and cupboards in the room however, his eyes caught sight of the new tray of food on the table. Neatly, on the tray, sat a new bowl of rice, and a small portion of meat and vegetables. He couldn't help himself examine the two batons: chopsticks. Odd concept, he thought, using two sticks to eat. His senses sharpened at that point: the food smelled good.

But it could still be addled with poison.

His suspicion overran his hunger, and so, stiffly and limping slightly, Natsume made his way to the cupboards and drawers. Anything at his point should help him grasp where he was, and who this woman really was.

The first drawer made his pounding heart halt to a melancholy halt. There, in the drawer, were paintings and drawings, clearly done by young children. Dragons, princes, princesses and rainbows filled the paper—imagination was bursting: everything was better in the drawing; men were actually brave, and evil was compressed into the body of a monster.

He wondered briefly if the woman had children. _But she seemed so young. Maybe it's custom to have children very young… Where's the child now?_

He did not want to think about the whereabouts of such child.

_Dead, in a bog_. A cold voice said in his mind.

He put them back, unable to look at innocence in the face anymore.

Second drawer: pictures. Not many, only three. One, consisting of the mystery woman at young age, smiling, with and a black haired friend; two, a middle-aged couple (probably her parents); three, the woman surrounded by children in a room filled with desks and chairs, who were holding up a banner reading: _Class 2B__**.**_

_She's a teacher._ Natsume concluded. _A primary school teacher_. That would explain the copious drawings and paintings.

_Well, she _was_ a teacher at any rate._

Suddenly, he heard a voice outside this room. He put the photos back and moved towards the sliding door. Very careful not to make a sound, Natsume slowly slid the door open, only to hear the woman's voice clearly now.

She was crying.

"—just come home Hotaru… this war is not ending. The years have gone and past, and there's no talk of ceasefire…" she sniffed, pausing, clearly listening to this Hotaru's response. "I'm all alone…" the woman sobbed, "I don't care. Just please come home…"

He wondered if Hotaru (unisex name) was male or female; family, friend or lover.

"I can't go home, Hotaru," she continued, "I have to stay here. What if some children come back?—What? Oh. No, Hotaru. No news of Nonoko. I spoke to Tsubasa, they think Z officers kidnapped her for her scientific knowledge…"

Natsume froze. A woman called Nonoko who had scientific esteem? Could she be talking about Nonoko Ogasawara? Did this woman know Nonoko well? Family? Or mere acquaintance? He held his breath, terrified and feeling monumentally guilty and wretched. He tried hard to recall his hatred towards Alicea, in order to mute his conscience.

"Hello? Hello? Hotaru? Are you there? Hello? _Hotaru!_" The line had clearly abruptly cut. He heard the sound of a body falling, slumping to the floor in defeat alongside a rhythmic sob.

Natsume took that as his cue to leave. Very quietly, he slid the door shut, thereby softening the crying.

He could still her though, and the sound followed him, haunting him, as he walked away from the door. He was about to slide back into duvet, but the food caught his eye. Not wanting to abandon anything further, and feeling all of a sudden a slight change, Natsume sat down.

He'd seen others use these instruments. He picked up the chopsticks. Natsume took a bite of the meat. Though the meat had already gone cold, his heart somewhat warmed.

It tasted very good.

After finishing his meal, Natsume sat back down on his mattress. He was roughly calculating his next move, when he heard the door slide open very quietly. Clearly the woman assumed he was asleep, as she seemed surprised to see him sat up straight on the bed. In her hands, she balanced both a pot of steaming water, cloths and bandages.

"You're up," she said, not knowing what else to. Then, her eyes fell upon the empty dish and rice bowl. She smiled, a very small smile, pleased at his surrender.

She put the pot beside Natsume, careful not to spill any of the hot water.

Natsume stared at the water. Noticing, she asked, "Are you thirsty?"

Natsume nodded.

Leaving the bandages and cloths, she went back out of the room. He heard her opening and slamming, and the trickling of water. Natsume took his opportunity: he pulled his clothing off, and started to unwind the soiled bandage on his abdomen. It was an absolute mess; different coloured blood with mixing consistencies splattered, oozing strange pungent smells of mortality.

The woman re-entered with a cup of water. Seeing what he was doing, she quickly went to his side, pulling along with her a towel she had earlier prepared that sat by the door.

"Put the bandages here." She firmly said, patting at the towel. Natsume followed her directions, and with one hand did so, whilst with the other hand covered his nose. The smell made him want to retch.

"I'm sorry. I've only ever seen bandages been applied—never done so myself until you."

He half-expected the woman to take the cloth, dip it in the hot water, and clean his wounds. But she didn't. So, Natsume took the task of cleaning his wounds himself. He wondered whether it was because she was shy to do so—after all, he was half-naked. But then again, she had done so the first time. There was nothing to be shy about. But the again, he had been unconscious then. Glancing at her, he saw that she was intently studying the way he cleaned himself: gathering the congealed and weeping mess up in soft, steady strokes. He understood: she was not offering to help because she knew he could do a better job himself. Not to mention, his nakedness didn't seemed to faze her at all: shyness was not a reason. Maybe she _was_ a whore, and he was just another naked torso (nothing new). Or maybe Alicean women didn't coyly shy away like Z women did.

Or maybe this wasn't the time to think about propriety. Of course. That's it. After all, war contradicted everything about that.

"Do you have any disinfectants? Ointments?" Natsume asked. His tone: harsh, gruff, and imbued with superiority.

"No. I'm afraid not. I… no one can really afford that." She continued, in a stronger voice, "But I have a friend. He's a doctor. I'll ask him to come see you as soon as he can."

"That won't be necessary." Natsume answered, declining firmly any other contact with Aliceans, military or not.

He proceeded to bandage his stomach after the cleaning was complete. The woman watched with careful concentration at the application process. He couldn't stop himself from looking at her face: gone were any traces of any tears—he couldn't fathom that this was the same woman who had been crying on the phone, for her eyes looked so strong and resolute.

Natsume cleared his throat. "Your… your bandages weren't tight enough. They need to be, so the bleeding stops. Loose bandages can cause infections."

She nodded, understanding, learning. "Alright. Lie back down. I'll bandage your leg." She did not give him an opportunity to protest, as with her hands, she pushed him on his back onto the mattress. Clearly she was not embarrassed: she undressed his legs efficiently, with no silly trembling hands, but with a firm grip of utter determination.

She was cleaning his wound when she spoke, "My name is Mikan, by the way." She paused, and Natsume knew she was expecting a reply. He kept his lips shut. She understood his silence, and continued, "It's alright. For now, I'll just call you Officer."

Officer? His pride bristled: he was a Major General, not a petty Officer!

After that burst of vanity dissipated, he realized that this woman couldn't deduce from his decorated and starred uniform of what rank he was. She had no idea of his high position, and so, probably little knowledge of military life.

Could what she had said the day before be true? Had she honestly just saved him, and took on the risk to nurse her nation's enemy back to health?

... was she _insane?_

"Where am I?" he asked. He wanted to pinpoint himself on a map.

"Hoshikuzu. Outskirts of Central." So, where his mission fell through along with his body.

He couldn't himself asking, "The others?" He understood her silence as confirmation that his men were dead. He mourned for them momentarily—only momentarily, as he did not want to succumb to tears right now. He will do so later. "What other reports?" he couldn't help speaking in militaristic language: he had not spoken any other dialects in long time, and god knows how long it had been since he had spoken to a woman, much less a beautiful one.

"For now, our troops have pushed your troops away." He opened his mouth to ask more, but she cut him off, "Let's not talk about this." She started to wrap his leg.

Natsume closed his mouth. He was not used to being continuously silenced, especially by a woman.

He felt the desire to exercise his command (just to prove to himself that he still had a shred of authority left) and so, couldn't help but order, "Tighter. You're handling the bandages too weakly." This was not true, and so he had to force himself not to visibly wince when Mikan followed his order, causing pain.

"Is that better?"

He merely grunted in response. His discouragement did not seem to affect her, however.

"Where am I?"

She stopped, and looked in the direction of his face. "I already told you—"

"No, I mean where am I in Central? Is this your house?"

"Oh." She dispelled any worries of amnesia out of her head. "Well, this is both a school and my home. I live and teach her. Though the teaching has been scarce recently."

Natsume tried his very best not to ask why the teaching was lacking, and tried his utmost best to erase the drawings and paintings dancing in his mind away. Instead, he said, in a deadpan voice, "Once I am recovered, I'll leave you money and take my leave. That's a promise."

_Yes, yes… he'll disappear into the shadow, and scuttle and find his way back to HQ…_

"… I didn't save you for the money. Just so you know." Mikan couldn't help but feel somewhat ironically cheapened by the talk of money. "I don't expect any money from you. In fact, I don't want any of your money."

Natsume was confused and above all suspicious, and so he couldn't help himself from blurting out: "Why did you save me?"

That was a question that needed an answer, now that he was somewhat certain that he wasn't being detained to divulge Z secrets. Why? Why did this woman take his dying body, carry (or drag) him to her home, dress his wounds, and feed him? Why help an enemy? Surely this was a war crime. Insanity?

Mikan very simply replied, "Do I need a reason? You question why I save you, but don't do so for killing? You think it would have been right for me to have left you, or turned you in to be killed?" Darkly, she smiled bitterly, "In what world do we live in? Oh gods, how wretched."

Natsume halted all: his breath stopped, and his mind froze.

Perhaps he was the insane one after all.

"There," she announced, "done. Can you move? Sit there—I'm going to change these sheets. I'll also get you some spare resting clothes."

She left him alone with his thoughts… would he have done the same? If he were in her situation would he save an enemy's life?

_No, _was his honest answer, _I would not have done the same. _

When did his morals run away? More like, _how_ did _she_ keep her morals amidst this smearing time of death?

It hit him hard to realise that he owed his life to this woman, Mikan.

* * *

Mikan came to the room once more that evening to give him his dinner. She did not however stay to eat with him; she went off to go eat dinner by herself, elsewhere. Natsume felt very lonely as he ate, and quickly went to bed afterwards for he knew he would find company in his dreams.

His interaction with whispering people of his dreams was interrupted however, by loud, incessant knocks, most likely coming from the front door. There was something not right with these knocks: they were eerie, they pounded and echoed in his heart, as if counting down to the moment of inevitable death. Remembering where he was, Natsume pushed himself off the bed, and instinctively hobbled to the door, sliding it open.

Fear coursed through him: what if the woman had called the authorities?

He had not been outside of his resting room and had only ever peeked at the corridor outside. His leg was painful still, but he made his way down the corridor, to the source of the deathly knocking.

The ceiling was low, the corridor narrow and the lighting very dim. He had to rely on his ears. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a rushing figure bumped into him. It was her—she had come down the staircase in a hurry, and clearly did not expect to see him.

"Officer!" He had obviously startled her, for her voice was breathy, "What are you doing!"

"Who did you call!" Natsume demanded. "After all that sweet talk, you sell me out? _Huh?_"

"What are you—"

With his hand, Natsume pushed her against the wall. In fear of his own life, his brutish nature (which had been so carefully cultivated by the war) spilled out, alongside his indoctrinated hatred for Aliceans.

How could he been so easily deceived! A woman's charm goes a long way!

Natsume's eyes then adjusted to the dim lighting, and he beheld Mikan.

She had obviously been asleep too. Her hair down, not tied up. Her hair was very long, and slightly messy from tossing and turning in her sleep. She was not wearing her usual attire, instead, was wearing a thin and loose white robe. Her cleavage was evident. Natsume could see the outline of her breasts along with her nipples.

Immediately, he stepped back.

Something about the sight of her petrified Natsume.

Mikan was absolutely unaware of Natsume's pounding heartbeat and dry breaths, and so just silently thanked the high heavens that Natsume ceased being violent. Nonetheless, angrily, she glared into his eyes and demanded, "You will _never_ push me again. _Never_. I _absolutely_ forbid you to mishandle me in the future."

"I—"

"I did _not_ call anyone. I swear to you." She breathed in, steadying her anger. "Now. Go back to the room. I don't know who it is. Go back." She pushed past him, after sending him one final blazing look of hurt and anger.

Natsume did not go back to his room. It wasn't because he wanted to be an asshole and disobey her—it was because he was worried, and wanted to make sure whoever was knocking on the door was a friend to Mikan, not a foe. He was ashamed of his ruthless reaction, and regretted using that much strength to push her to the wall. She was sure to bruise from that. Slowly, he followed after Mikan.

Mikan was oblivious to Natsume's presence behind her, as she unlocked the heavy front doors to her home.

Her adrenaline was coursing through her veins viciously—who was on the other side? Could it actually _be_ the authorities? Had someone seen her bring Officer into her house? But she had been so careful—

She opened the door. And immediately, a crying figure fell into her arms. Mikan instinctively hugged the figure—"Anna! Oh, Anna!"

Natsume saw this woman, Anna, cling onto Mikan very tightly, as she punched the evening silence with her tears.

"Oh Mikan, Mikan!" she sobbed. "My family… they're all gone! Dead!" She shrieked, as Mikan gasped before joining this woman in watery sobs.

Natsume knew he was not welcome here. After all, it was most likely his friends and comrades that were responsible for this woman's family's death. He retreated silently back to the room, not feeling even a shred of victory in the name of home sweet home, Z.

* * *

**A/N: **I suppose the main point of this story is to show how shit war is, and how evil prejudice and racism is. Please review! Thank you.


	5. Panic Attack

**A/N: **Really intense chapters. Those who are sensitive should probably not read this.

**Chapter 4: Panic Attack**

* * *

Though hot water was scarce, Mikan decided that a hot bath would be the best thing for Anna right now.

It took a while for the crying to die down, and Mikan was sure it had only stopped because Anna's tear-bank was temporarily dried up—the emotions were all still there, just no longer able to materialize in the form of tears. She had not heard the full account from Anna yet, but the last she had heard, Anna was in Umimachi. There must be a full story there, for there were whispers that Umimachi had been taken over by Z a few weeks prior. She had sent letters, but had received no confirmation in return. Here was her answer at last.

For Anna to speak, she must be calmed.

Gently, Mikan ushered Anna into the bathroom. "Take your time," she said, very softly, pushing a clean towel in Anna's hands.

Once Anna was in the bathroom, Mikan knew what she had to do next.

Quickly, she rushed back up the narrow steep stairs, to her little room. Her little room was clean and bare, as she had to sell most of her possessions away. She opened the small cupboard, and pulled out a robe. She wore the red robe on top of her nightwear, and then quickly made her way back down the stairs, to the little living room where she knew Officer should be.

Natsume was sitting by the table, not in his bed. He looked at her as soon as she walked in. Mikan pushed her hair away from her face, tucking it all behind her ear and cleared her throat, before she sat down opposite him.

With a steady voice, she said, "She's a childhood friend of mine. One of my best friends. And… I think it would be for the best if we keep your identity hidden. I do not think she is in a place where she can forgive a Z, and overlook racial identities … she's too far gone."

Natsume just nodded.

"I will tell her that you are an Alicean officer and that I found you. I will tell her that I've brought you hear, to nurse you. If she asks why you are not at the military hospital, I will tell her you tried to desert your post."

Natsume inwardly bristled at that – him! A deserter! A mere coward! Oh, the shame!

Mikan noticed his pride wavering, and in a sharp tone, she reprimanded him. "This is no time for petty vanity. Don't you see? This is a matter of life and death. If Anna knew about your true identity, she _will_ go to the authorities. Right now, in the state she is in, she will. I guarantee you. So swallow your ridiculous pride. There is no time or need for that."

Natsume glared at Mikan, but he did acknowledge that pretending to be an Alicean deserter was the smart, safe move. He still didn't appreciate being told off though – his pride felt agitated by that more than anything else.

"What should your name be?"

"What?" He protectively bit out.

"Well, I can't introduce you as 'Officer'. What would you like your name to be? Make sure it's a name you will be able to naturally respond to, as it will be your name until you are well enough to leave my house."

Natsume looked at her. This woman; she was pulling the reigns at every turn. She was curt yet polite to him. Most of all, she made him feel like a young child. Maybe that was her habit, being a teacher. He knew her idea was a necessary one, yet being treated like a child made Natsume childish: he didn't want to co-operate, and so stubbornly kept quiet.

Mikan sighed, with her mouth closed. She waited. But then feeling her impatience rise, she snapped. "Fine! Be like that, then. I'll choose a name." Impulsively, she christened him: "Your name is Romi."

"Ro-Romi?" Natsume repeated, surprised. "_Romi?_"

"Yes." She indignantly confirmed, with her arms crossed.

"But isn't that a girl's name?"

"It was my cat's name. I had a black cat when I was younger, and he had a nasty personality. Stubborn, selfish and stocked with stupid pride. Like _you_. Romi's _perfect_ for _you_."

Natsume looked at her, in an incredulous manner. He couldn't believe he had just been thus insulted! He wanted to retaliate, but then, he saw the hard angry lines in her face melt away, and in disbelief, Natsume watched Mikan laugh.

The laugh had started off as a small, quiet one, but as time passed, Mikan threw her head back and laughed, laughed and laughed.

Natsume stared at her smiling eyes, and the way she clapped her hands to accompany her sweet laughter. Then, he remembered the white nightwear she was wearing earlier, the outline of her breasts… he felt his throat tighten.

Clearing his throat, he asked, "What's so funny?"

She didn't reply, as she could not reply. Her laughter simply continued, and as Natsume watched her, he realized he had not heard a laugh in a _long, long _time. And before he realized, he felt the corners of his own lips turn up. Her contagious laughter had spread to him, across the table, and soon, he could not stop smiling at her. Well, he thought it was a smile, until Mikan laughed harder.

"Oh _gods! _Romi, when was the last time you _smiled_? You're so bad at it!" She laughed at him, as his smile looked more like a smirk—he looked like a sly fox, rather than a happy human being. His cheeks seemed to be resisting the smile, hoping it wouldn't push them: the muscles there had not moved in a while.

At that, Natsume couldn't believe it but he started laughing himself too. Though it was a very, very small laugh. "It's been a long time," Natsume admitted, "I need practice."

The laughter did trickle down to a halt at some point, where Mikan, still smiling, apologized. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Just remembering how much Romi hated me made me laugh. I miss that stupid cat."

"I'm more of a dog person." Natsume answered. "I have a dog back at home."

"Really?" Mikan questioned, surprised. "I don't know. You look more like a cat person."

"No cats. Just a dog."

"Big dog?"

"No. Small dog."

Mikan smiled, disbelieving. "I would have never guessed. How small?"

Natsume motioned with his hands—a very small dog indeed, by the size he indicated, it could not be more than 3 kilograms. "My younger sister chose him." He clarified.

Talk of family made both Mikan and Natsume smile. "How sweet," Mikan cooed. "I always wanted a dog as a child."

"But don't you people eat dogs?"

Mikan stopped smiling immediately.

Natsume knew he had made a mistake immediately.

The magic only lasted so long. They had been communicating so well, regarding each other as human beings, forgetting for a moment about their racial differences. But that one casually cruel statement from Natsume ended it all. His question was a cold reminder of their differences, and of their governments' propaganda about each other's homes and culture.

A cold silence followed.

"My _people_ don't eat dogs." Mikan replied, forcefully steadying her voice. "That's just _racist_ lies fabricated by _your_ government, exploiting human affection towards dogs—"

"Hey, look—" Natsume interrupted, feeling defensive and feeling a surge of patriotism to Z, "no one is innocent in war. Don't take that tone with me when talking about my country—"

Mikan fired up, "Then you do not talk about _my_ people!"

"Look. I shouldn't have said that. God. I'm sorry, alright?" He wasn't really sorry. He had heard many accounts of Aliceans eating dogs, and dogs being skinned alive in their food markets. He was more sorry for having said something that made their conversation end on such a sour note.

Mikan saw right through his half-baked apology. She did not want to make matters worse. Anna was in the house—she had to genuinely act as if Romi was an Alicean. She must be smart and tactful for this show to work.

Mikan answered, "I understand." Her voice cold, and distant. "But let me say one thing. Until your wounds are healed, just try to contemplate on the thought that we are _both_ people with families and friends. I will try to remember that too."

Natsume nodded.

Briskly, her lips now tight taunt line, she got up and left him.

As he sat alone, he wished he did sincerely apologise. After all, she was risking her life. He should have at least apologized for pushing her against the wall earlier and smashing her rice bowl.

Natsume was conflicted—one screamed to hate her guts, whilst the other calmly insisted that everything she had said rung with truth: after all, he wanted this dire war to end too – was he planning on continuing to hate after peace?

* * *

When Anna stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body, Mikan was waiting for her outside. "Here, come with me. You won't mind sleeping in the study, will you?" Anna didn't answer, and just followed Mikan.

"I brought you sleep-wear. I'll help you dry your hair." Mikan continued. "The study is small, but it's warm." She opened the door, and at the sight of futon already laid out on the floor with clean sheets, Anna burst into tears all over again.

"Oh Mikan," she sobbed, hugging her friend's neck, "you don't know how much this means to me." Acts of kindness gave hope in war: hope of an end, hope for a better future and hope to live.

Mikan fiercely hugged her friend back. "This will all end, Anna. I promise."

"I-I-I _can't stand it anymore…_" Anna cried heavily, "So-Sometimes, recently I just want to _die—"_

"No, Anna," Mikan held onto her friend, "we mustn't!" She felt her eyes cloud up.

"_I already feel dead!_" Anna wailed. "Ripped from inside out by a searing bomb, and then buried scrap by scrap in the cold, dead land…"

"Anna, no, no," Mikan hushed, trying to soothe her friend. She stroked her hair for a while, before noticing that Anna was shivering. "Here." She said with a firm voice, pushing her friend back gently. "Wear you night-wear. I do not want you to catch a cold."

Anna didn't move. Mikan dressed her friend that night. She saw how her friend was pale, and thin. How she was bruised. How her eyes were sunken. When she took her hairbrush, and paid attention to Anna's hair, she saw it had been haphazardly cut too: Anna's hair used to be luscious and long, and now all that remained was a messy tuft of hair. By the time Mikan had finished combing through Anna's hair, her tears had stopped.

"You must be hungry." Mikan said, as she pushed Anna's hair behind her ears. "Come with me. Let's get you something to eat."

Anna nodded. Then again, in quiet voice she said again, "Thank you, Mikan." Sincerity was there, although her voice was small.

As they made their way downstairs, Mikan thought it would be best to tell Anna about Romi now, rather than later. When in the small kitchen, she turned to her friend, "Anna. I must tell you something very important."

"What is it?" Anna's voice was frantic. "Who died? What happened? Who—"

"Shhh… no one's dead…" Mikan started assemble food. "I just… There's someone else in this house aside from you. I want you to meet him."

Anna blinked. She was confused. "You mean… your lover?" She didn't say it as a joke, truly that was the only conceivable answer she could think of after Mikan's elusive statement.

"No, no, no. Not anything like that." Mikan corrected. "He's, well, a soldier."

Again, Anna was confused. "Are they stationing soldiers in houses now? For protection?"

"No. His name is Romi. Romi's injured. He's a soldier. He's hiding here because … because he's an Alicean deserter." For once, Mikan did not feel guilty for lying. She knew it was the right thing: a life depended on it.

At that, Anna seemed to have understood. Immediately, she said, "I won't tell anyone, Mikan. I promise." She knew that being a deserter could lead to execution in the country.

_Haven't there been enough deaths?_

"I'm nursing him until he's better, so he can leave, and go home where he belongs."

"Where's his home?" Anna asked.

"Far." Mikan answered vaguely. "I'm not quite sure myself. He doesn't want to tell me much. The less I know, the better for everyone. I just want him to get well and go back to his family."

Anna nodded, agreeing.

"Do you think you can meet him now? Or would you rather tomorrow?"

"No, no, tonight is fine." Anna then remembered how late it was. "Or is he asleep?"

"I don't think so. He was awake a few minutes ago. Right now, he is residing in the living room. I'm planning to move him upstairs to the store room once he can walk." Mikan had finished assembling Anna's nutritious dinner. "I'm sorry there's not much. And I'm sorry if it doesn't meet your standards," she smiled, "I remember your cooking was the best I had."

Anna smiled ever so slightly. "I'm sure it will be delicious, and that I'll remember its taste till I die."

Mikan led the way to the living room. She knocked lightly, which Romi responded to. She slid the door open, and saw Romi in the same position when she had left. Seeing his face, she couldn't help but feel sparks of resentments ignite again, and so she tried her very best to suppress them, for Anna's sake.

"Romi, this is my good friend Anna."

Romi nodded. "Hi."

_What unusual eyes,_ Anna noticed, _I've never seen anything like them. _

After being ushered to sit so she could eat, Anna tore her eyes away from Romi. _What an unusual name too_, she pondered. Once she sat, she looked again at Romi. Now, she noticed the abundance of bandages.

"Does it hurt?" Anna asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Your wounds. Are they bullet wounds?"

"Oh. Right. Yes, they did at the time. Now it aches." Natsume truthfully answered.

Somberly, Anna smiled. "Perhaps it is a good thing then that my family died in a bomb. At least it was quick."

Natsume froze. Suddenly, he felt scared and cornered. Somehow, he felt as if this Anna _knew_ that he was actually the enemy—

Anna ate her food. Silence followed. Mikan just carefully watched her friend eat, making sure she ate everything to get as much strength in her as possible.

When Anna finished, Mikan in a very quiet voice asked, "What happened, Anna? If you don't want to talk, that's absolutely fine."

Natsume calmed down a bit, hearing Mikan's voice, remembering he was not alone. Mikan was here. It was alright. Anna didn't know of his true identity. She couldn't of.

"I don't know how much of the truth the government is saying about Umimachi."

Natsume's heart nearly shot out of his ribcage. Umimachi?!

Oh no, no, no…

"… There's been talk that Z overran it a few weeks ago—"

"Overran is too nice. They _destroyed_ it." Anna revealed, her face contorting in wretched sorrow, and grave anger. Her hometown: the place she grew up with her family and friends, all obliterated… "They're occupying what is left of it, that is to say, everything by the port where all the foreign shipments come, with more fucking ammunition and food to keep those bastards alive."

Mikan's eyes momentarily flickered in Romi's direction. She feared that he would react, but he didn't. He just looked at Anna, straight on. She looked back at her friend.

"First, the bombings happened. My family all died then. Like I said, maybe that was a good thing. My parents were old. Miruku was beautiful."

Natsume's blood ran cold. He knew exactly what she meant—after all, he had been in Umimachi only a few days ago. Luca should be in Umimachi now. Suddenly, all those faces in the concentration camps flashed before him - - - - - - - -

"Those who survived the bombings were round up. They pulled us out."

Natsume didn't want to hear this. He knew what was coming next. He felt sick, so so so so so sick sick sick sick - - - - - - - - -

"In the town square. We were separated. The elderly, very young children, babies and handicaps were all put into one line. The rest of us were told to step back."

Natsume remembered it all so well: it had been a clear, bright sunny day. No cloud in the sky, but the port-city itself was cloudy from all the dust risen up by the explosives. The city stank of burning flesh. In different circumstances, it would have been a perfect day to go to the beach. Instead, Natsume had rounded up thirty-five men to carry out the task, that day. He remembered being annoyed for having the job to sign the paperwork.

"And then it happened. Around thirty men shot everyone in the line down. A firing squad _murdered_ them all… Yasuji-san, Iidabashi-obaa-san, and even little Ryuusuke were shot for not being _fit for work_."

That's when Natsume vomited. Even the hollow Anna gasped in shock at Romi's violent reactions, especially as he seemed to be sobbing as he violently retched. Mikan acted swiftly: she got up, grabbed the towel at hand placed in the room before running to get some water, and a bucket.

Anna put her hands to her mouth, before she teared up ever so slightly. "I'm so sorry Romi-san. Did I remind you of something in the battlefields? I'm so sorry—"

"He's fine, he's fine." Mikan answered for Romi, coming back with everything she needed.

Looking worried, Anna faltered. "Mikan, I will tell you tomorrow—"

Mikan turned on Anna. "Anna. You are the priority here! You!" she somewhat scathingly looked at Romi. "I don't want you to go to sleep with what you've told me so far eating at your heart. Once I cleaned up this mess we'll go upstairs, and continue—"

"No, no," Natsume protested, "no, please excuse me. Please. Carry on."

Alarmed, Anna shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"No, _please_. I need to know." Natsume insisted. "Please." He nodded in thanks when Mikan passed him a cup of water.

_Fuck Natsume, you need to calm the fuck down_! _Calm the fuck down! Calm it. Breathe. Fucking breathe—_

Anna looked at Mikan, unsure on what to do. Mikan just encouragingly nodded, and sat back down next to Anna, this time holding her hand to support her friend.

"After they were all killed, a Z General—" _Lieutenant Genera Akira Tonouchi, _Natsume remembered, "announced that Umimachi was defeated. He then announced that the rest of us would be sent to work camps, but first, there would be a selection. That's when I found Nonoko and Sumire—"

Mikan gasped. "Nonoko! Sumire!"

To explain why Mikan knew some residents of Umimachi, her father was a trader back when she was a child. Being a prosperous city of trade, her father travelled often to Umimachi when she was young, and Mikan would often accompany him with her best friend, Hotaru. Together, they made friends there: Anna and Nonoko, who were cousins, and the beautiful Sumire Shouda. As they all grew up, their friendship deepened: they would often visit each other, and sustained friendships by means of letters when apart. Teenage years came and past, and soon, they were all in their 20's, still close friends. Anna as a baker; Nonoko as a leading researcher in bio-chemistry; Mikan as a children's teacher; Sumire as a renowned geisha after years of training and Hotaru as a leading mechanic. That was all before the war. When the war came, communication between them all had become scarce. Mikan had hoped greatly for everyone's safety. That's why, when Anna started to cry, Mikan felt a big, fat, heavy, dense, _evil_ lump in her throat.

"No… no… you can't mean…" Mikan couldn't believe it. "No… no…"

Anna shook her head. "No-…Nonoko's always been smart. You know that. My smart, smart baby cousin. She knew exactly what they meant by selection. She didn't give me time to speak before she grabbed a sharp splintered stone and cut most of my hair off."

Anna remembered how frantic she had been, and how Nonoko slapped her in order to calm her down.

"She then just grabbed a handful of dust, and smeared it all across my face. I was frantic, scared and confused. I was having a panic-attack. Then, before I could say anything to her, they made more announcements. They demanded that some people, including Nonoko Ogasawara come forward immediately."

Natsume had vomited everything out already. He should have saved it for this. _This_… this…! He remembered it all so well. An officer announcing that the thirty-five men had executed the _unwanted_, and now presented him with a list of _dangerous_ people: activists, politicians, scientists … Nonoko Ogasawara was on the list too, for being a prominent bio-chemical genius: she was useful to Alicea, and therefore a great enemy to Z. Natsume had signed the list, warranting for their detainment.

\- - fuck, _fuck SHIT - - - my smart, smart baby cousin_ \- - - he took her away! _He had ordered her arrest, and here was her cousin! _ \- - - - - - - -

"Everyone called out were _smart_ people, Mikan. University professors, you know. They knew Nonoko was smart. They had done their research, those meticulous, calculating _murderers_. They _stole her away from me_. Nonoko didn't move at first. Then, they announced that if anyone called was refusing to come up, or lie about their identity, that they would be held responsible for ten executions. They said they would later correspond us with our identifications. Nonoko knew it was over then."

Anna had said this all so simply, as if she were talking about a cat. In reality, there was screaming, and crying punctuating everywhere. Anna shrieked as Nonoko left her side, grabbing onto her cousin's hand, crying hysterically, "YOU ARE THE ONLY FAMILY I HAVE LEFT PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME NO NO NONOKO NO STOP DON'T LEAVE!"

"Before she left my side though, she demanded that I cut Sumire's hair like she did mine, and that I put mud and dust on her face, like she did to me." Then, guilty tears flooded Anna's eyes. "I didn't do that. _I'm such a fucking—"_

Worried, Mikan grabbed Anna. "Anna, please."

"No Mikan! _You don't understand!_ Sumire could be here with me now if I had followed Nonoko's orders!" She sobbed. "The – selection – they – meant – was – a – selection – of – _women!_"

Young, beautiful women. From as early as thirteen, attractive females were rounded up, formally called: _The Pleasure House recruitment_.

"The officers came like vultures. One look at Sumire, they grabbed her and told her that she was coming with them!"

Mikan started to cry. Her poor, darling Umimachi friends… one, arrested. The other forced into prostitution. And Anna, here, broken.

"_Those fucking pigs sent her to their brothels! Laughing at the fact that she was once a famous 'entertainer' – those fucking devils! Because of me, Sumire has to lie with a disgusting Z every day!" _Anna choked on her fierce tears and hysterical breathing pattern, and Mikan couldn't even help this time, for she was crying silently into her hands.

Natsume fell back down on his bed. Disillusionment about the war had been breeding within him for months now. But now, truly now, could he see how bloodstained his hands were. Now, he could see Mikan and Anna as human beings, and not Aliceans. Now, he could see that maybe he was a devil. He was having a panic attack. - - - - - - -

_No one is innocent in war, huh? Well, tell that to her face, you fucking pig._

* * *

**A/N: **I know. Pretty intense.

Sorry for my late update. University has been a bitch this year, and now, exams… huzzah!

I know Anna's story seems so compressed and rushed. It seems ridiculous that she could tell such a traumatic story in one sitting, I know. Reality is just too big for me—I just condensed it. I know that takes away the intensity, and I'm sorry for that. I hope you don't think I'm belittling her loss.

Also, I hope the whole Romi/Natsume thing isn't confusing. I got Romi from Natsume's voice actor's name: Romi Paku (I know, so original lyk omg)

**Next chap: **More on Sumire, Anna's escape, and perhaps even an understanding between Natsume and Mikan…

Please review and save me from revision…


	6. Teacher

**A/N: I don't know Alice Gakuen but this is my story. Disclaimed!**

**Trigger Warnings: Suggestions/mentions of rape**

**Teacher**

* * *

"Oi. Whore. Get ready. You've got a customer." Those empty commands were accompanied by a cold banging on her door and concluded with a derisive male snigger.

Sumire Shouda turned to look at the sterile metal door, and then automatically, with not even a sigh or a cry, she pulled the compulsory nylon robe over her cheap attire. Cheap, cheap attire; mere lazy and offensive imitations of the rich and elegant kimonos she used to wear.

It was really a disgusting room. Pale, empty – just with a bed at the centre, and a chair by the door, so Officers, soldiers and Generals alike could hang their clothes. It was a room made for fucking, and only fucking (the vile, automatic and intrusive type, not sweet or loving). This room was not a fit room to live in; most of all, it was no home.

It was simply a rank, vile space where fat, skinny, old and young men came just to destroy both her mind and her body.

It made her want to die every time, all the time. She wished she were dead.

A bed and a chair… both items nailed to the floor, made of impenetrable steel. There were no means available to carry out her wish, unless she decided to choke herself or maybe bite her tongue off, like she had been fantasying about recently.

She had been the most desirable, most sought-after Geisha in Umimachi. She had a life – a life which depended on her acting in a tantalising manner, to tempt but then to withdraw – like a butterfly: the more you approach it, the more it flutters away, deepening the desire. She was excellent at it, and what's more, it had been a source of empowerment for her. When called, sometimes she would answer, sometimes she would not. She had the freedom to choose.

But these Z bastards had completely robbed that from her. They called the shots – not her. They came into her dungeon of a room, where Death was the only way out. Now, she was just a desirable object, unable to withdraw, caged between the arms of a Z and locked up when alone.

Normally a brute would charge into her room. But today, a knock came… just like yesterday.

But she did not answer this knock. She did not answer it yesterday either.

A pause.

Then, very slowly, almost gingerly, the door opened. Sumire blankly looked at how the man from last night peered into her room first, before he slipped into the disgusting chicken coop.

She saw how brightly he smiled at her. "Hello!"

She did not reply.

"I'm the Brigadier Shin Shino!" he continued, his voice optimistic (Sumire hated how he introduced himself with his army rank stuck to his name – a cruel reminder that he was an enemy). "I came yesterday? Do you remember me?" He removed his army cap, and placed it on the chair. His smile faded slightly. "… That was silly. Let me start that again." He cleared his throat, all the while Sumire looked upon him with blank eyes. "I'm Shin Shino, but everyone calls me Koko! I'm the one who came last night."

Yes, she did remember this 'Koko'. Her eight o'clock last night. The strange enemy who didn't sleep with her, but asked whether they could 'talk' instead. She did not reply to any of his questions last night, she refused, and so sat mute on the bed for the whole 'session', but for once, she was not punished for her lack of cooperation.

Sumire could not afford to be hopeful here in this room though. Just because he hadn't slept with her last night didn't mean that he wouldn't today. And so, robotically, she undid the knot in her robe and started to undress herself on top of the sterile bed.

"Wait – wait, no," Koko voice interrupted, worried, and she heard how he now walked to her, "wait, no, please stop."

She followed instructions: she stopped, her robe midway down her back. Then, she felt him pull the robe back up on her shoulder, and Sumire couldn't help but jump at the sudden contact – fear bit her like a snake.

Fear and indifference were the only two things she felt here. Anger had ebbed away a long time ago. Anger was useless.

"Please." Koko said. "I just want to talk with you."

Yesterday she did not reply nor ask why. Today, she did. "You want to talk with an Alicean prostitute?" She turned her eyes to him, and looked now fearlessly at his face.

Koko regarded her deep, big green eyes, which just showed a crushing emptiness. "Yes." His reply was firm. "I've paid for the night to talk to you."

Sumire turned away from his gaze. Then, very quietly murmured, "That was stupid of you, for I have nothing to say to you."

With that, she turned her back on him, and lay down on the bed, curled up. She did not trust this man – nowadays, she trusted no man, let alone a Z Brigadier. She hated men: this War was not a woman's fight; it was man's selfishness that had put her in this hellhole.

A part of her expected the Brigadier to come lie next to her and take and steal her from behind.

But he never did. And when his time was up, he bid her a polite good night and left.

And the next day, she felt a different emotion in her room – not fear or indifference – when she was handed her 'timetable' by an apish Z Officer. The timetable, of course, laid out the appointments that an enemy made to come sleep with her. Usually, she would just glance at it; just to know at what times she had to be ready. But today, on her timetable, she saw that a certain Brigadier Shin Shino had booked her company for every night this month.

* * *

The accounts of Anna's escape from the Umimachi concentration camp did not come that same night – after retelling what had happened to her cousin and Sumire, Anna no longer seemed able to string two syllables together. It was just too much for her. And so, Mikan had taken Anna upstairs, to the small study, where she lay a warm futon for her friend.

Natsume heard them whispering for a while, and just when he had thought it had stopped, his instincts proved correct, as he heard Mikan's soft footsteps approaching. Soon enough, she was back in the small living room with him, not to talk, but to blow out the lights. She did not look his way, and bid him to get some rest before she slid the doors behind her, leaving him in darkness.

It wasn't as if he had been expecting to be consoled by her. Of course not. But he couldn't deny that he had hoped she would say more to him, just to ease his battered conscience and to calm his restless guilt: his guilt for his unspoken actions at Umimachi, towards her friends and also his guilt of treating Mikan so contemptuously these past few days. Not to mention his heavy guilt of keeping his true identity hidden from her, all whilst living off her generosity. She didn't have to feed or look at his injuries – he knew that very well now. After hearing what she had just heard from Anna, he honestly wouldn't have been surprised if she decided to kick him out.

He slept very badly that night; his mind just incessantly kept flashing Umimachi sceneries.

He didn't expect however to open his eyes the next morning, only to see a pair of stormy green eyes peering into his face.

Natsume immediately reacted – a child! A child! Was it the ghost of an Alicean child?! A child who had been murdered at Umimachi—

The child squealed, before turning back around to cry, "Mikan-sensei! Mikan-sensei! He's _alive!_"

With shock, Natsume pulled himself up, so he now sat on the futon, his mouth slightly agape. He was so surprised that he hardly felt the pain in his wounds as he watched the child thunder out of the room, only to return with Mikan, holding her hand, pulling her in.

"I told you he wasn't dead, Youichi." Mikan sighed. "I told you he was asleep. And now you've woken him up!"

Youichi cackled. "Serves him right! It's past lunchtime! How could a person sleep so much?" His question was not directed at Natsume, but to his teacher.

"He's tired. He's injured, Youichi. He's resting. I told you that." Mikan now looked at Natsume. "I'm sorry, Romi. I had classes this morning and Youichi here spotted you and unfortunately curiousity got the best of him."

"Romi?" Youichi double-checked, looking back up at Mikan. "That's his name?"

Mikan smiled down at him. "Why don't you ask him?"

Youichi pressed his lips together, and then rather unexpectedly, shyly looked in Natsume's direction. He didn't ask any questions however. Shyness seemed to have got the best of him now.

"Youichi," Mikan said, "go to the kitchen and wash your hands. You'll find Anna-sensei there. You understand me? Go there and wait there."

Youichi nodded – he liked this new Anna-sensei! She had promised to give him some snacks after his lesson after all. Without arguing or complaining, he left the living room, but not before glancing one last time at Natsume.

Mikan kneeled beside Natsume. "I'm so sorry about that. Youichi's my student. Well, my only student at the moment. Most of the other children have evacuated to the countryside, or their parents don't let them out the house anymore. There seems no time for school nowadays." Despite the fact that she did not talk to him last night, now, it seemed as if she had a lot to say, for she continued to explain, "I'm sorry he woke you up, though. This is why we need to move you, upstairs to the attic, so other people won't just 'spot' you. Not that anyone in this part of town would expose you. Don't worry about Youichi though – I told him that he's not allowed to tell anyone about you. He won't either – Youichi doesn't have anybody to tell secrets to – his parents are dead. Oh no, don't look at me like that – they didn't die in this war – they died from sickness when he was young. He's been at the orphanage ever since. I give him free lessons. He's a sweet kid. Good kid."

Natsume nodded. Before he could ask her anything, she checked, "How are your wounds? Do your bandages need changing?"

He moved around a bit to check. He felt a bit stiff, but good overall. "They feel fine right now. I might change them this evening."

She nodded. "You must be hungry. It's one in the afternoon. I'll bring your lunch here."

Natsume was startled – one! Never had he slept-in so late in his whole military career! Ignoring this, however, he asked something that has flashed through his mind last night, during his night-terror, "Is this room where you usually eat?"

Mikan regarded him. "Well, yes. But it's fine – Anna and I can eat in the kitchen. There's enough space—"

"I don't want you to compromise anything just for my sake. I'd rather you eat here."

Mikan all of a sudden looked reluctant. She had been speaking to him so casually till now – as if he really were an Alicean deserter… maybe… maybe knowing that Youichi and Anna were only a few walls away made Mikan more determined to act out this lie. But now, just by suggesting that they eat all together, Mikan seemed to remember 'Romi's' true identity as a Z.

Noticing all this, Natsume hastily added, "I can eat elsewhere."

Mikan hesitated but then, "No. No, you'll eat here. We'll all eat here." Her smile, however, seemed slightly forced.

Mikan made to stand, but Natsume stopped her, by placing his hand gently on her arm. She snapped to look at him, all of a sudden scared (he hated that this was her prime reaction towards him). "Look. I… I just. Last night, I…"

"Shh…" Mikan hushed him, but not in a silencing manner. Her shush was soft, just a gentle reminder to keep his voice lowered, but a promise that she was listening. Her expression was different now – no longer scared or cautious, but willing to communicate.

"I," Natsume continued, in a quieter voice, "… your friend's story last night really got me thinking. I'm sorry that it took such a… took such a horrible account for me to see things from your point of view but you have to understand that I've been living a… a very _particular_ life ever since the War started. And it hasn't been a particularly good life either."

Mikan nodded, understanding. "It's alright, _Romi._"

And so, he nodded back at her, silently telling her that he would act the part and be Romi, the Alicean deserter. Act, he could do that. But forget his country, family and his friends – never. But for now, he'll keep them all, keep Major General Natsume Hyuuga too, locked away in his heart.

She made to move again, but he held on – he had more to say to her. "Wait. I… I just wanted to apologise to you. I acted really disgustingly when I first met you. I… I shouldn't have thrown your food away and broken those bowls. I shouldn't have called you all those names. And last night, I shouldn't have pushed you. I regret my actions. I'm sorry."

Mikan took Natsume's hand that rested on her hand and placed it back on his lap. "It's alright. I forgive you on all accounts." She smiled sincerely at him, before she finally stood, announcing that she will bring all their lunches in soon.

And indeed she came back, with food and with the tired-looking Anna and the excitable Youichi by her sides. Youichi was staying for lunch, Mikan informed Natsume, with a rather apologetic smile.

"Why can't you move? Are you lame?" Youichi asked Natsume, his eyes brimming with childish eagerness.

"Youichi," Mikan reprimanded, "you can't ask somebody whether or not they are handicapped, especially with that tone!"

Youichi defended himself, "But he can't move his legs! And he can't use chopsticks properly. I was just wondering if his hands were 'handicapped' too!"

Mikan glanced at Natsume's hand. It was true – Natsume was holding the chopsticks incredibly awkwardly, and seemed to have been experiencing difficultly picking up food with them. But she needn't worry – Natsume, after all, was excellent at interrogations. Of course, this wasn't exactly the interrogation his superiors had in mind when they trained him to withstand interrogations … the interrogator was a mere child, questioning his ability with chopsticks! But if there was one thing Natsume knew from his own childhood, it was that children were far more perceptive than adults thought them to be.

"I can move my legs. I can stand but it just hurts a lot because of the shot wound so I've decided not to move until it doesn't hurt anymore. As for my rusty chopstick skills – I think it's just a testament to how little I've eaten since the War started. We didn't really have time to sit down and eat like this in the army."

Anna regarded him with sympathy. Youichi, however, regarded him now with a newfound fascination. Clearly, he was impressed by Natsume's statements, and voiced such feelings, "Oh, cool! Romi, you're a _soldier?"_

"I _was_ a soldier." Natsume corrected. "I'm here now, to get better."

Youichi didn't seem to quite grasp the fact that Romi was a deserter, but this was just as well, because it seemed like the Alicean government had done an excellent job in indoctrinating their children: Youichi thought soldiers and dying for his country was honourable. "I can't wait till I'm eighteen so I can join the army too!"

"Youichi, please," Mikan tried to shush her little student, but it did not work.

Youichi fervently continued, his little chest pumped up with national pride, "My dream is to die killing Z's! Hey, Romi, did you kill any Z's at the battlefield? Is it true their blood is black like their hearts?"

Mikan felt _her _heart stop. It was not Youichi's fault - she knew this. He was young, and his mind had been tampered by propaganda. But given Anna's recent traumatic dealings with Z's and Romi's true identity, she felt that what Youichi said could not have come at a worse time. But Natsume was not silently fuming, as Mikan feared he might be. No, Natsume was just sad to hear what Youichi had said. An innocent child – so poisoned in the mind, to think killing was an acceptable, even a glorious dream to have. But then again, he sadly thought, his mind was equally, if not more corrupted too. Then again, he was not innocent at all as he had actually once found glory in killing Aliceans in the name of his country.

He was just a pawn. Youichi was just a pawn too. They were all just pawns in a chess game played by greedy politicians and bloodthirsty leaders.

"No, Youichi," Natsume said, putting his chopsticks down, looking seriously at the young boy sitting in front of him, "there is no glory in war. I can tell you that. I was at War a week ago. I have been fighting for six years, Youichi. Death is not something you should wish for."

Youichi tilted his head in confusion, and even looked upon Mikan, his teacher, for explanation.

"I think," Mikan slowly started, glancing at Natsume, "what Romi is trying to say, is that you should have bigger and better dreams, Youichi. This War will end one day. It's not like the Eternal War of the Gods and Demons, Youichi. This War is fought by men, and all men die. This War will end one day - maybe tomorrow, maybe in the Year of the Pig. No one knows. So, what Romi is trying to say, is that you have to see beyond this War. You need to have bigger dreams… like, travelling to the moon!"

Youichi laughed incredulously at his teacher. "Travel to the moon! Ha! That's impossible! How will I get there?"

"That's why you study," Mikan smiled, "so you can figure out the answers."

Natsume didn't resume eating just quite yet. He really liked the way Mikan spoke. He wondered if she had dreams to travel to the moon. He'd always liked the moon too.

"Travelling to the moon, huh," Anna dreamily murmured, and then cast her eyes outside the window, skywards, "that sounds nice. Youichi, if you ever make that come true, please take me with you. Far, far away from here."

Youichi nodded, and stuck up his thumb at Anna. "I promise!"

Having such a naïve and innocent child in the house made the War seem so far away, just as far away as the moon was, hung alone in space.

* * *

The War really did seem so far away, even when Youichi left. It was strange – there was a silence in the air that Natsume listened carefully to, as he sat still on the futon. There is always meaning in silence, at least, Natsume thought so. Whether this was the sound of peace, or just the calm before a storm, he did not know.

Youichi's presence acted as another lesson to Natsume. Each day seemed to bring a new teaching here at Mikan's house. How suitable, he thought, learning things in the house of a teacher… a children's teacher no less. Huh. Maybe he was a child himself, in mind at least.

The chimes tinkled, bringing noise and with them bringing Mikan. She came into the room with bandages.

"Here you go."

Natsume nodded in thanks.

"Also… I'm afraid we'll only be having rice for dinner tonight."

"That's fine."

"I know you should probably be having something more nutritious, given your wounds, so you can recover quickly, but that's all we have—"

"I understand. I'm not at a restaurant after all."

Mikan wryly smiled. "We're the closest thing to a restaurant around here with Anna in the house. She had a bakery in Umimachi."

That bakery was probably burned now; like the charcoal bread, left in the oven too long.

"She's a good cook." Mikan wistfully said, and then stood to leave. She was planning to get him a bucket of water, so to clean his wounds, but he interrupted.

"You're a good teacher." Was what he said, that made Mikan look back at him. "You were really good with Youichi."

"Thank you." She said it so calmly, but with no trace of a smile.

So, he decided to compliment her some more. "If… If you had been my teacher when I was his age, I would probably be travelling to the moon by now."

That made her smile ever so slightly. "That's nice." She now left to get the bucket, but returned to his side quickly.

He did not need to say anything, and she did not say anything when she pulled his loose trousers up to clean the wound on his leg. Like before, she bandaged him efficiently and quickly, siphoning off the congealed blood. She was better at it now – so much so that Natsume wondered whether she had been practicing.

The silence stretched on, but now Natsume had an itch to break it as he glanced at her.

"You mentioned at lunch," she glanced up at him, "the, erm, Eternal War of the, erm—"

"The Eternal War of the Gods and Demons," Mikan silkly said for him, with a nod, "yes."

"What is it?"

Mikan then looked behind her, and paused to listen. After confirming that Anna was nowhere near (probably upstairs), Mikan decided it was safe enough to say, "It's Alicean folklore. Religion, even. It's part of our Creation Story. It tells us why the world is the way it is."

"Could you tell it to me?"

Mikan raised her eyebrows at him, halting the wrapping of the bandages. "A free lesson from a teacher? My, my Romi…" It was the first time she had teased him, and then after a small but playful sigh, she began, "Long ago, there was only Darkness in the world, and in the Darkness, lived the Demons. The demons enjoyed the shadowy and earthy realm of the Earth, eating rock and dirt. But one day, out of nowhere, a star was born. The star, the Sun, suddenly brought Light into the world, and the Gods came to earth. There are 7 million Gods and 7 million Demons, one opposite for each. At first, the Demons wanted to destroy the Gods, for their Light blinded them. The Gods too wanted to cast away the Demons, for their Darkness tarnished them. But one day, one Wise Man called all 7 million Gods and all 7 million Demons to a meeting. The 14 million Gods and Demons started to argue almost immediately, and then a fight broke out. It was a violent fight, so violent that mountains were born out of this fight. 'Stop!' the Wise Man called, and told the Gods and Demons alike to look upon the mountains, and see how both the Sun and the Moon past it every day and night. 'Look how the trees grow on the moutains,' the Wise Man said, 'with help from both Light and Dark. Too much Light will kill it. Too much Dark would kill it too.' From then, the Gods and Demons understood that they were all necessary for existence, for Darkness cannot truly exist without the contrast of Light, and nor could Light be so beautiful, without the juxtaposition of Darkness."

Natsume expected more to come, and so when she stopped and said nothing more for five seconds or so, he urged her, "And then?"

Mikan looked up. "That's it. That particular story is supposed to teach us that the world exists in a balance: what you see, and what lies behind what you see. We may perceive something as bad, but good may come out of it in the future or vice versa. Either way, it all balances out in the end. The Gods and Demons eternally fight with one another about their differences, giving bad, giving good, which then balances itself out. . Too much of anything is evil– that is the key to this story. Darkness itself is not evil; only too much Darkness is. On the other hand, too much Light can attract great Darkness. Everything rests on a fine balance."

Natsume nodded, understanding, but not fully understanding. "7 million Gods, huh… in Z, we only have 1."

"Only 1?"

"Yeah."

"So… your one God is all God of the Sea, Rice, Sun, Sky, Earth and Death?"

Natsume hesitated. "Well. We don't really think like that. We think God is everything, I guess. I don't really know – I'm not a religious man."

Mikan shrugged. "I'm not a religious woman. I just know my country's stories because I love my country's traditions and I feel these stories to be a part of it. _And_ because my grandfather told them to me as a child. A rite of passage, if you will. But," she looked upon him eagerly, "your country's religion sounds fascinating. I wish you could tell me more."

"I'll…" Natsume realised he didn't want to make a promise he couldn't keep, "… I'll try to think about it tonight. Maybe I'll remember something."

She faintly smiled at his near-promise.

"Alright, your leg is done. Now for your abdomen… this wound is far worse." Quickly, she peeled the bloodied, wet bandages from his side. "Oh… I think this needs some medicine. It is not healing as well as your leg's wound. It does not look too good."

It didn't smell too good either, Natsume thought, wincing slightly, both at the stench and pain.

In an effort to distract him, Mikan started to speak, "Now that you've brought this up, it has got me thinking… Perhaps I should teach you about certain Alicean customs." She then flashed her eyes up worriedly, hoping he didn't misunderstand her, "Please don't think I want to strip away your Z identity – that is not my purpose! But like at lunch today when Youichi asked about your inability to use chopsticks – that could have potentially been dangerous if it were a suspicious person asking." She started to wrap the clean bandage around his stomach now.

"I won't mind being taught by you." Natsume responded, but through gritted teeth, for the pain of this wound was searing – as if he was slowly being chewed in half.

"Have you ever played Kamabuki?"

"What's that?"

"Ah. Well, to explain: 'rice is what all Aliceans need and Kamabuki is what all Aliceans want'. This is a common phrase. Kamabuki is a game, and it's very popular. I won't be surprised if Anna asks us to play when she is feeling better. Everyone knows how to play, even children."

"How do you play?"

She explained, and despite the pain, Natsume listened to what she said very carefully, before remarking, "We play something similar in Z, but we call it 'Chess' over there."

"Excellent. You'll learn fast then."

"With you as my teacher, sure. Maybe I'll even travel to the moon by the end."

Mikan very softly laughed at that. "Wouldn't that be nice."

He smiled at her, but very soon, her eyes fell back to the bandages.

Yes, yes, he would love to play Kamabuki (Chess). After all, it would be nice, after these years, to be the ones controlling the pawns rather than being a pawn, he thought to himself. And as he looked at Mikan, who was carefully and diligently wrapping his wound up, dabbing at it from time to time, he wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn't been a pawn. If _this_ human war never happened. If their countries were peaceful, and he came here to Hoshikuzu as a traveller and met Mikan. He pondered and marvelled on how different the circumstances would have been.

* * *

**A/N: OK; should this be M-Rated? **I felt really uncomfortable writing the scenes with Sumire. Which made me think, 'most people probably feel uncomfortable READING that'. But I don't want to censor it out either, because through her character, I want to show how it's not only soldiers who get destroyed by war. Women too are war victims, and I effing hate how history tries to shush that up.

But what do you think? M-Rated? Please let me know in your review!

The creation story is made up. I guess I wanted to bring religion in because it's so often a cause of conflict when it really, really, _really_ shouldn't be.

I just hate war agh.

This was a pretty long chap! As so many of you told me in your reviews for my other stories to update Resistance, I have delivered! Hope you all enjoyed (?) it. Please review!


	7. Night Terror

**A/N: **to the **Guest** who told me she listens to the soundtrack of **The Last Samurai** while reading this. Well, this time, I wrote this chapter whilst listening to it. Never seen the film, but thought-provoking soundtrack!

**Night Terror**

* * *

Just as Mikan had predicted, a week later, Anna had asked Mikan and Natsume during their very small dinner whether or not they'd be interested in playing a game or two of Kamabuki after eating.

"I haven't played in a long time. It'd be nice to play."

"Sure, why not." Natsume agreed.

"Watch out, Romi," Mikan warned, "Anna's the best player I know."

It was all very strange, as being here in Mikan's house made Natsume feel as if the war was so far away. Of course, there were hints that people out there were fighting and dying: the newspaper made sure the Aliceans did not forget, and the government often interrupted the radio station with 'good' news about the war. But Natsume knew, from experience and by the vagueness of such reports, that this was just the Alicean government's method of keeping up morale. Propaganda at its finest. There was no way, for example, that Alicean forces had stamped out Z officers in the Eastern borders: he was a Major General and he knew enough to know this was impossible for the Aliceans. Many probably died trying though.

"I'm quite good myself." Natsume countered, faintly smiling in the direction of Anna. "I… I was my school's Kamabuki champion - from primary all the way up to high school."

Both Mikan and Anna knew very little about Romi's past. Whilst Mikan was too scared to ask, Anna, not knowing his Z identity pursued for more. "Oh? So you're naturally a very logical person then."

"I guess."

"I suppose I am too." Anna mused, before she turned to Mikan with a sly grin. "On the other hand, Mikan over here prefers tamer games. She's not a fan of Kamabuki."

"I don't hate it," Mikan clarified, "I appreciate the game, but I rather watch than participate."

"What do you mean you appreciate it? Doesn't that just mean you like it?" Natsume asked.

"I appreciate how it teaches us rationality and strategy. I appreciate Kamabuki's intrinsic position in our society. I just don't like how it's such a calculating game. The objective is to conqueror your opponent's King. It's a bit too destructive for my liking. I think I prefer more creative games. But like I said, I still appreciate it, and I'm always awed by Anna's quick mind."

After they finished eating, and after all the plates were cleaned and dried, Mikan came to the room with a Kamabuki board. She insisted she'd rather watch Anna and Romi play, and soon, the room sunk into a studious silence. Taking some paper, Mikan started to string together poetic musings, glancing from time to time at the Kamabuki match.

Slowly and deliberately Anna moved her pieces. Quickly and sharply Natsume moved his pieces. Until—

"Checkmate."

Mikan smiled. "I told you she was good."

Anna smiled. "I'm sorry, Romi. Better luck next time."

For once, it didn't feel bad to lose. For once, Natsume could appreciate his opponent's superiority. For once, Natsume accepted defeat graciously. "You're the best player I've come across."

"You were pretty good as well." Anna amiably replied.

And so. It was all very strange, as being here (somewhat) made the war seem so far away… the only conquering and fighting in the house consisted on the Kamabuki board after all.

But that didn't mean the blood and the bodies left Natsume completely. At night, the colour of the blood deepened and the bodies moaned and groaned inside his mind, worsening the pain of his abdomen. He tried hard to get to sleep, and once he found sleep, all of a sudden he was drowning in blood, being pulled by mutilated body parts, everywhere, everywhere—

"Romi! Romi!"

Natsume's eyes flew open, and then, he smacked his head against low table as he shot up from bed, howling. He was frantic, erratic absolute panicked, and his panic and cries worsened upon the sight of blood on his sheets and the blood that stained his hands—

Mikan grabbed Romi firmly by the shoulders, and wrenched him into her bosom. "Romi, please! Romi!" She held him fiercely, and soon, the cries subdued into ragged, laborious breaths.

She was kind enough to stroke his head to calm him down.

Anna's voice came next, "Romi—"

"He's alright, Anna. He's alright." Mikan voice came from above his head, her breathing rippling through his hot hair. "He's okay. You can go back to sleep, Anna." She reassured her friend, but unknown to Natsume whose eyes were closed, Anna went to get a cup of water, returned, left it on the table before leaving back to her bedroom. Anna knew better than to crowd around someone who was going through a panic attack.

Natsume, encased so softly but firmly in Mikan's chest, slowly calmed down as he rested his ears to hear Mikan's steady breathing while feeling the way her chest rose and sunk every time she breathed. Her breath calibrated his, and though it took a while, Natsume gathered his strength and pulled himself away from her.

He couldn't help the shame that now replaced his panic. "I… I…" he couldn't even finish his sentence.

"It was just a dream." Mikan gently said. "It was just a dream."

He nodded, before he guiltily looked at her white night clothes. "I've stained your dress." Dark red blood was smeared artfully against the white, as if it were paint on a new canvas. "I'm sorry."

"Lie down."

Natsume did as he was told. He shut his eyes.

Mikan examined his abdomen. "It looks like the wound has completely reopened. Perhaps you clawed at it during your night terror." Natsume wasn't that surprised at her assessment: self-infliction of pain happened often in the army, he had seen it happen again and again. "We need to get you some ointments."

Not wanting to burden her further, Natsume try to insist otherwise. "It's fine. It just needs to be bandaged."

"It needs medicine." Mikan resolutely, steadfastly concluded.

His eyes were still shut, and he breathed very noisily and very deeply. After a moment of silence, Natsume said, "I'm sorry for waking you and Anna. What time is it?"

"It's alright. It's around 4a.m."

He slightly shook his head in embarrassment, and Mikan watched him do so. Very tentatively, but feeling that it might help, Mikan reached her hand out and gingerly placed it on the side of his head. Initially, Natsume froze, but when she did not withdraw the hand, Natsume decided to indulge in to comfort she was offering to him. Seeing this, Mikan sympathetically stroked, from his temple to just above his ear.

"It's okay. I'll stay till you fall asleep. You're okay."

"You will?"

"If it'll help."

"It will."

"Alright then."

Natsume focused on the way her fingers moved across his head, as if paving a new way. It felt somewhat hypnotic, and without really meaning to, as if lulled by her fingers, he admitted, "The pain in my abdomen reminds me of war."

"It'll heal, don't worry. And once it's healed, you can go home."

Home seemed many miles away. But it _was_ many miles away. That was the truth.

"But what if the wounds in _there_ don't?"

Mikan's fingers paused. By _there_ she knew he meant in his mind; the untouchable, intangible traumas. Bravely, she answered, "They'll take more time but they'll heal too. When you're back home."

He then felt her hand retract. His eyes opened.

"I'll get you some bandages and new sheets too." She was quick; soon enough, she was back cleaning the bloody mess, and balling the stained sheets before laying out the clean sheets. She encouraged him to get comfortable in the clean sheets, before starting to bandage his abdomen wound again.

To distract him from the pain, smell and haunts, Natsume spoke. "I remembered something. About Z religion. You wanted to know."

"Oh yes." Mikan glanced at him, "Tell me."

"Out of the darkness, our one God created Light. Our God is Love, who works in mysterious ways. We can't… I mean, I don't think we're supposed to understand our God. At least, I didn't understand when I went to the religious houses."

"Temples are peaceful places." Mikan soothingly said. "I don't think one needs to come out of them feeling wiser. They're just pockets of peace."

"In Z, families go to religious houses every Saturday."

"Oh? Here we don't have a specific day in the week."

"That's probably better. Making religion a weekly obligation didn't work for my friends or me. As kids, we would just play or pass notes. As teenagers, we snuck out to smoke cigarettes behind the building. Now I don't go at all. And the more I think about it, the more it's absurd to think that my country's religion speaks so hypocritically about peace."

"Religion has good intentions, I think. It's always just perverted by some insane megalomaniac. Or it's just plainly exploited by the government. It's a mad world out there. That's what my father taught me at any rate."

"Where are your parents?" He then froze, feeling stupid. Then, fear gnawed, and his heart pounded: he was scared to hear her answer that question.

"They're in Hina." A city in the South, as far as Natsume was aware, "They went there to take care of my grandfather. They're safe – there is no need to look so worried. My father still trades, and mother is a craftswoman. Hairpins are her specialty – I have many of her designs." She paused before cautiously asking, "And what about your parents?"

"They live in Z's capital city, Whitehall. They're… they're socialites. My father owns the biggest library and research centre in town. My mother has never worked a day in her life."

Mikan nodded, understanding. "Old money, huh?"

Natsume felt sheepish. It was strange – back in his youth, back in Z, he always felt that his family status was something to be proud of, but now, he wished he could offer a more modest background to Mikan. He wanted to impress Mikan; he wanted to make her think '_wow, here's a man who's worked hard in his life'_ but he could not deliver that unless he lied.

"Yeah," he admitted, staring up at the dark ceiling, "thanks to them, I went to best school and the best university in town. I was educated to be a banker, and for half a year I worked. But then the war started. My boss invested a huge amount of money into the war, and so it became expected of myself and my friends at the firm to join the army." He didn't mention that his status, connections and wealth helped him get promoted within the army very quickly. But saying this to Mikan felt incredibly cathartic; it was as if this was a Confession, suck the poison out of his heart.

"You mentioned before that you have a little sister. How old is she?"

"Twenty-one."

"Oh! Not so little then." Mikan smiled.

"How old are you?"

Her smile turned brazen. "I'll leave that for you to guess." Was her vague response before she asked, "Do you get along well with your sister?"

"Yeah. She's the only one in my family I get along well with."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"That's the problem with having socialite parents. They have little time for you, and even less time for your feelings."

"I'm sure that's not true. Perhaps they can't express themselves very well."

Natsume insisted, "I'm engaged."

"Oh!" Mikan brightly smiled, and even paused her handiwork to look him, "That's wonderful!"

"No – you don't understand," he shook away her felicitations, "it was never my choice. I only met her after my parents and her parents decided that we should get married." He didn't want to say that he didn't love Luna out loud. He felt he had hurt Luna enough these past five years of deadening silence.

Five years ago, just at the dawn of the war, Natsume's parents announced that he was to marry the daughter of a successful family. 'No' was not really an option and mere days after she became his fiancée, Natsume was shipped off to war with his friends.

"That's how my grandparents started." Mikan quietly said, seeing Natsume's sad expression, "And my grandmother always said it was the best thing she'd ever done. Unlike other couples whose zenith _was _their marriage day, my grandma said she grew to love my grandfather after marrying him, day by day. Together they worked at their marriage, and it grew every day, every year. I don't think your circumstances are bad at all. I'm sure you'll be very happy to see her when you go back home, and very happy to marry her too. I'm sure she misses you terribly." Mikan then patted his shoulder. "There you go. All patched up. I'm done."

Natsume shuffled, and propped himself up with his elbow. "Are you going?" He didn't want to ask, beg her to stay. He felt vulnerable enough all ready. But he wished, wished, wished that she would continue speaking to him, in her low, slow voice.

Mikan looked down at him. He didn't have to explicitly voice his fear. "I will stay. I think you've been playing with fire for too long, Romi." She then said in a brighter voice, "I will give you one of my mother's hairpin. You can give it then to your fiancée when you see her again. They are modest hairpins, but they are beautiful."

Natsume swallowed painfully before murmuring, his eyes closed, "It's funny. The more I talk to you about my life in Z, the more I remember that it is not as sweet as I sometimes dream it to be. I think the dream of 'home' can be so dangerous in war… so powerful too. But I think I'm just so… I don't want to go home and feel disappointment. I don't want my fantasies of home to outdo reality."

In a soft voice, Mikan asked, "What do you see when you dream of home?"

"I see my sister. My best friend. My friends. The tree in my garden, my dog under it… my study." Each word constricted Natsume's throat tighter and tighter.

"I'm sure you'll find everything you need when you go home. Be patient – you'll get better soon." She promised. She pretended she didn't see Natsume turn his left cheek into his pillow, concealing half his face.

Would he? What if Luca dies? What if his friends die too? What if a bomb blows the tree and his dog away, like Anna's parents? What if—

"At the beginning of the war," Mikan said, and Natsume exhaled, his vicious thoughts coming to a halt, "when there were still many children, we used to use this house as a bomb shelter. Under the floor of the food drying room, there is a sturdy underground room. Hoshikuzu experienced bombings at the beginning of the war, for around a week, until the Z army moved East. Anyway, in the bomb shelters, I used to hum to some of the children and even some of the adults to get them to sleep. I don't know if that will help you…"

"You could try."

And so she hummed a tune, a low, low tune that seemed to promise everything but nothing at the time. It was a sad lullaby, promising to keep him safe, but not promising that the world was a good place. But as Natsume lay there, listening, he felt her low vibrating tones sink in to his skin. His chest rose and fell with Mikan's humming, and before he knew it, his heart felt warm, and in that instance of warmth, he fell asleep.

As Mikan quietly crept away from him, taking the stained sheets, many many miles away, across the border in the land of Z, Luna Koizumi was also creeping away from a sleeping man.

She had been in his bed every night for the past week and a half. He had been a great comfort during her fiancé's absence and she watched him for five years, admiring his home front efforts towards the war. He was an important man, very much so, being in charge of the main bank of Whitehall, Z's capital city. He'd always ask to see her, to check if she were alright, to check if she were eating enough during these five years… and when the news came of Natsume's M.I.A (and most likely death), the first person to come console her was Natsume's boss, Kuonji. They became lovers that same night.

And as she drove away from his house, she thought of Natsume. She thought how happy she was, five years ago, when she first met him. She had known from an early age that it would be her parents, not her, to chose a husband. And when she met Natsume, she felt all her worries disappear. He was exactly what she had dreamed of… tall, handsome, wealthy … but above all, kind and sincere. And it killed her when he never replied to her letters. It killed her to find out how he was from Aoi, his little sister. It killed her to see the long letters he had written to Aoi. It killed her every time to receive nothing back, because it just showed her that he did not love her: he did not have time for her, he did not spare a thought for her. And when she heard of his death, Luna just stood, frozen, staring at the small picture of him that she kept by the telephone.

But this way, no one gets letters. It wouldn't just be her. She wasn't alone anymore.

* * *

**A/N: **And it's a wrap!

Hope you all liked this chap.

I've also decided to keep this T-rated (for now…). I feel like I should reply to your reviews, so without further ado:

**Hi**: I don't think your review was pointless. No at all! Thanks for letting me know about what you think about the rating, and my story as a whole. Your English is also great – no need to apologise for writing in a language that's not native to yourself.  
**ShiroiNeko**: I'm a silent reader, so I really appreciate you taking your time to write a review for me. That's real kind. Hope you liked this chapter too.  
**Honki no Shika**: You'll see more of Sumire as the story progresses. Oh, trust me, my imagination has been running wild recently: definitely got some adult scenes up my sleeve. I'll see if it fits with the narrative though!  
**rebelle14**: Well thank your friend for recommending my story. That's real nice. Hope you enjoyed this chapter too.  
**Sparklybutterflies1**: Ah, really? I feel my story really lacks description. I tried to add more in this chapter, but once again, it just became a long conversation again. Thanks for your input – still T-rated as you suggested.  
**blueabyss16**: Of course it would not be wrong for you to demand here! And voila, I have delivered. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and it keeps you excited about what is to come. (And yeah, I hate war… suffice to say)  
**Chethana917**: Thanks for your kind words! Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter too.  
**Guest**: Thank you, Guest, for recommending the Last Samurai soundtrack! Adds a nice touch, I think, like you said. And yeah, they are still 'developing': their romance is loading…  
**mayaoingoing**: Why yes I am back. Thanks for your review, hope you liked this one too.  
**YellowOrangeRed**: Glad you like all the characters thus far. I promise there will be evil villains too, those engineering destruction. Look out for them, I guess. As to whether this will end in tragedy…. Hmm… you'll just have to wait and see.  
**CrazyShortie**: I'm glad you like my rather bland writing style! If I told my professors that, they'd laugh the library down. Anyway, thanks for your review.  
**Guest**: Glad my update made you happy. I'm glad you like all the characters. And hurrah! Another hater of war: now, if only leaders of certain countries thought like us…  
**cheerry-blossoms**: hope you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for your review!  
**Guest**: why thank you.  
**suenethakchan**: Yes, yes, yes. Women are so mistreated during war… and scarily, even in times of peace sexism still exists. Why, just why. Anyway, thanks for your review!


	8. Global Hurting

**A/N: **Dedicated to those who have died in the past few days in **Beirut**, **Baghdad** and **Paris**. I'm sorry for the short chapter, and the long 'speech' below. I found it incredibly cathartic though. I could not be silent any longer.

* * *

Mikan left Natsume to her small room upstairs, which was dimly lit by a dying candle. His anguished cries had awoken her, and fearful, she had gone to help him. But now that she sat back down in her bed, she curled up, no longer able to be so strong: locking her legs in her arms, she let her head rest on her knees like a child and silently allowed tears to accumulate then leak out of her eyes.

The candle painted flickering shadows across her room, and they danced around like heathen demons.

But plucking up the courage again, finding strength from inside, Mikan wiped her eyes with her hands before exhaling a rattling but cathartic breath. Quietly, she slipped to her desk, and opened the drawer to pick out a little globe that her grandfather had given her at a young age.

The world fit into one hand: it was cold.

By the candlelight, she examined the world, and traced her pinky across the seas, to North then the South, then to Alicea, her home. In this world, only a few millimeters away was Z. But further (again, mere centimeters away) were other countries; countries she had never been too. Countries rippled across the seas—they were everywhere! Mikan wondered about the languages they spoke; about the food they ate; about their way of life… And who knows how many more of these countries on this little globe were at war like Alicea and Z. How many other people cried, screamed and died… how many other children lost mothers and fathers, how many parents howled at the sight of their dead children, how many lovers lost their other half, how many sisters lost brothers and how many brothers buried their sisters… all in the name of glory, defiance and religion….

Because it couldn't just be Alicea and Z where tears and blood were shed. It couldn't just be Alicea and Z that were bruised in this world. No, it couldn't, for cruelty can breed anywhere, given enough hatred, ignorance and darkness.

Mikan clutched the little globe tightly with her two hands and pressed it against her forehead in desperation, hoping to warm this cold, cold world.

* * *

This was inspired by the poem below. I disclaim it.

_"later that night_  
_i held an atlas in my lap_  
_ran my fingers across the whole world_  
_and whispered_  
_where does it hurt?_

_it answered_  
_everywhere_  
_everywhere_  
_everywhere."_ – Warsan Shire

I am absolutely appalled, disgusted and disheartened by the tragedy. I'm from London (England), and Paris is only a train away from me. I've been so many times. Paris is one of my favourite cities. Paris, to me, represents love, democracy and freedom. I have friends studying in Paris this year (all safe, all safe…). It just felt too close to home this time. But I mourn and grieve for Beirut and Baghdad who are not receiving the same coverage, love and support from the white English media. Even Facebook treats their suffering differently, only offering a French flag. I don't know where you are from, but I hope people around you talk of Beirut and Baghdad too.

What happened on the 13th of November was a reminder to me to never, ever take those I love for granted. In times where hatred is rife, the best thing to do is love stronger and more passionately. Do not pounce on this tragedy, as some bigoted far-right wing idiots have, as an excuse to be unjustifiably angry and hateful: don't say 'Close the borders on the refugees!'. Don't blame the innocent Muslims who have nothing to do with terrorism. Don't let your fear and anger fuel racism and vindictiveness.

Every hour more victims are named. Every hour I mourn for those who have lost a daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, a mother or a father.

In the words of rupi kaur, one of my favourite modern poetess (disclaimed!):

_i am sorry this world_  
_could not keep you safe_  
_may your journey home_  
_be a soft and peaceful one_


	9. Family Friends

A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.

**Family Friends**

* * *

Natsume's wound on his leg was better: he could now walk, albeit it was more of a hobble than a proper walk. He often had to grasp the walls to help keep his balance. But no matter—the point was, he could walk! And walking gave him a greater sense of independence—a sense that he was _going_ somewhere, _getting _somewhere, rather than just sitting all day long in the mattress provided.

True to her word, as soon as she examined his leg and approved, Mikan led Natsume upstairs to the storeroom. The storeroom was to be his new room: it was all the way at the end of the corridor. The storeroom was cooler, and being in a private enclosed space, rather than downstairs in the very public living room made Natsume feel better, providing him with the sense of a private sanctuary.

But his wound on his abdomen was a completely different matter: it was searing, painful to touch, as if someone pushed a scorching rod there, burning his flesh and skin, all whilst turning it deeper and deeper into his abdomen.

He didn't voice it to Mikan, but he feared it was infected very badly. It was taking too long to heal, and the pain translated to a bacterial contamination. A very small voice in his head, before sleeping, whispered hauntings: _that wound is killing you… you're going to die… _Natsume often woke up throughout the night and early mornings due to the blistering pain around his stomach, but this morning, things were different.

This morning, Natsume's eyes flew open at the sound of unfamiliar laughter and voices from downstairs. Breathing quietly, he sat up, and momentarily his curiosity and worry numbed the lingering pain.

He was unsure whether or not it would be safe for him to venture downstairs, but his mounting inquisitiveness about the _two_ unfamiliar voices he heard got him up on his stiff legs. Noiselessly, he slid open the door and crept down the corridor, pausing at the mouth of the stairs, again breathing quietly. The voices were now clear: he could hear every word of their conversation. They were talking about the rain.

The voices belonged to two men, but from the easy manner of their speaking, and their subject of the weather, Natsume gathered they were not soldiers, spies or the secret police.

Cautious to not make too much noise, he slinked down the stairs now, before turning towards the kitchen, where the voices emanated from. The kitchen door was open, allowing him to see the backs of two men, both black-haired and sitting, looking towards Mikan who was standing, facing the corridor.

Mikan met his eye, and she warmly called to him. "Romi. Come," at her words, the two men now turned, and looked towards Natsume, who was holding onto the archway for support, as he stood, slightly awkwardly.

"Here," one of the men said as he stood, "take my chair." This man had a very strange star-shaped tattoo under his eye, and an awfully cheerful disposition. The other man had a more severe look: he surveyed Natsume as he sat beside him rather inquiringly.

"Thanks." Natsume said, nodding towards the tattooed man, who just tapped him twice on his shoulder.

"As you two have probably guessed, this is Romi, the man I was talking about." They were looking at him, and by their rather sympathizing and understanding expressions Natsume gathered that Mikan had told them earlier that he was an Alicean deserter. Like Mikan, they were probably kind and against the war, for there seemed to be no resentment or disgust in their eyes.

"I'm Tsubasa." The tattooed man grinned. Tsubasa couldn't be much older than himself, and just by glancing at him, Natsume could see that Tsubasa was a strong, well-built man: an ideal soldier. Dimly, he wondered _why_ Tsubasa wasn't fighting in the war before speculating whether or not Tsubasa was a deserter himself. He daren't ask.

"I'm Subaru." His voice was low and steadied; it suited his stoical demeanour. Subaru was not as robust as Tsubasa, but judging by the position of his knees, he was a tall man. Again, it puzzled Natsume to see young and healthy Alicean men idly sitting in Mikan's kitchen, as if the war was not of their concern. Some part of Natsume felt offended seeing them here: he had seen many Aliceans, much younger than these two men die out there.

It just didn't seem fair. But then again… if he thought that, was he inadvertently then wishing on their deaths just because they were older than the others who had died?

"Both are family friends." Mikan informed him, promising him silently that they would not reveal him to the authorities. "And Subaru here is the doctor I've been talking about."

"I'm sorry for the delay." Subaru sincerely said. "I've been busy." His explanation was vague, and he didn't dwell on it, as Subaru quite immediately then instructed. "Let's see this wound of yours. Mikan's told me it's been causing you a lot of pain. Come, let's get out of the kitchen." Before leaving the kitchen, he turned at Mikan, "I'll call you if I need your help."

With that, Subaru helped Natsume move to the living room, and once there, told him to lie down.

"Ah, yes." Subaru's voice was terse as he examined the festering wound. "It's infected rather badly."

Natsume glanced down to see him open a large black bag before producing alcohol, towels, a bottle of ointment and professional linen.

Subaru was quick; the only words Natsume got were, "This is going to sting rather badly." And true to his words, Natsume's open wound burned when it came into contact with an alcohol-drenched linen. Natsume gritted his teeth, and closed his eyes tightly shut, groaning ever so quietly, gripping the floor. Ignoring Natsume's looks of discomfort however, Subaru persevered.

The pain subsided. Breathing heavily, Natsume opened his eyes to see Subaru now inspect the wound, before lathering it with a yellow ointment. "I will leave some of this with Mikan."

The smell of the ointment was very familiar. Then, Natsume remembered the smell of private war-hospitals, exclusive to those in high positions, stocked with the best doctors and best medications around. Now, he couldn't help but blurt, "Where did you get that?"

Subaru glanced at him. "This?" He shook the bottle.

Natsume nodded.

"Well," his voice was slow, "let's just say I have a very important sister. She makes sure I receive the best things, and makes sure that I don't get transferred to any war-torn areas of this country."

"Your sister?" Natsume was confused.

"Yes."

"You're not an army doctor despite your superior medications?" Natsume couldn't help the resentment in his voice.

Subaru paused and looked at him. For a moment, they just stared at each other. But then, he sighed. "It must be hard to hear this, especially when you've probably spent the past few years fighting for this war. I don't blame your anger. But my sister… using her good connections, she is desperately trying to guarantee my safety. She wants me to stay here and look after Mikan, her best friend. A sister's plea for the safety of her loved ones."

Natsume rested his head back down. Then, rather quietly he answered, "I'm sure my sister would have done the same for me, if given the chance."

He remembered how much his sister Aoi had cried the night before his first deployment. He remembered how he had hugged her when saying goodbye, promising to come back as soon as he could. But the promises meant nothing to Aoi: she simply didn't want to let him go in the first place.

"Mikan is lucky for having you around." Natsume murmured.

"No; _you_ are lucky that Mikan found you."

By now, Natsume knew this very, very well.

* * *

The redressing of the wound lasted around quarter of an hour, before Subaru was satisfied with his work. He helped Natsume stand up, and after asking how Natsume felt, the two made their way back to the kitchen.

As he had said to Subaru, Natsume really did feel better: his abdomen felt clean… cleaner than it had felt for these past few weeks at any rate.

When arriving at the kitchen however, Natsume momentarily froze and stared. There, Mikan and Tsubasa were, with their heads very close together: from a certain angle, it looked as if they were kissing, but any other angle showed that they were just talking, in hushed whispers. Like a frightened animal, Mikan's back jumped when she felt the presence of Natsume and Subaru: clearly Tsubasa and Mikan were having a private and perhaps heated conversation.

And Natsume couldn't stomach this scene very well, and it had nothing to do with his abdomen. First, fear that his true identity was in danger coursed through him. Second, he didn't like to see Mikan in such close proximity with this man.

"Everything alright?" Mikan asked, looking at Subaru.

"Yes. Here's the required ointment." Subaru left it on the table, and then rather pointedly said, when Mikan stood up, "Free of charge."

"Subaru—"

"Apply it on his wounds every evening after cleaning." Subaru spoke over her, emphasising that this ointment was to be a gift, rather than a purchase.

Mikan knew pressing otherwise would annoy Subaru, so with a grateful smile, consented. "Thank you. I won't forget your kindness, Dr. Imai."

Subaru slightly smiled at the teasing manner in which she had addressed him. "I would say with this new treatment, Romi should be fit and ready to leave in around a month, maximum. Perhaps three weeks. Both your wounds," he now turned to his patient, "will scar. They will be with you for the rest of your life."

Natsume nodded, understanding, but he still looked at Tsubasa and Mikan, burning with agonizing curiosity to know what they had been discussing so keenly a few seconds beforehand.

"I should go."

"Oh, Subaru. Wouldn't you like to stay for dinner?"

"No, no, I mustn't. I'm needed elsewhere." He declined, much to Mikan's displeasure. "I'm sorry, Mikan. One day, I promise."

She nodded, understanding but clearly upset.

"I will write to you next time I hear from Hotaru." Subaru continued, now eager to give her comfort.

Natsume's memory stirred at the mention of the name 'Hotaru', but let it slide: the best time to contemplate and think was in his little room above after all, when he was alone, with no distractions.

Clearly, Mikan was bolstered by Subaru's promise, as she smiled at him and offered her heartfelt thanks, before wishing out-loud for the safety of Subaru's sister, Hotaru.

"I better get going too, Mikan." Tsubasa said, standing up. "I've got more rounds to get through before noon. I'll make sure your delivery comes before five, latest."

"Thank you, Tsubasa." Mikan's voice was quieter. "You… You really don't need to…"

"Yes I _do_." Tsubasa took Mikan's hands then, and squeezed them, before he pulled her into a hug. Seconds later, he smiled at her before turning to Natsume to say, "Romi—it was nice to meet you. I'll probably see you before you leave for home. If not, I hope you get home safely."

Natsume nodded, and bid him a civil goodbye.

The two men left the kitchen, and Mikan accompanied them to the door to bid her goodbyes to her family friends. And as he stood there alone, hearing Mikan's voice echo from the other end of the corridor, it came back to him:

"—_just come home Hotaru…"_

Hotaru was the person Mikan had been on the phone to, on his second day here.

So Hotaru was a girl. Hotaru was Mikan's best friend. Hotaru was Subaru's sister. Subaru said his sister's good connections kept him safe. That would mean she was a woman of importance. Subaru was a doctor: Dr. Subaru Imai. Meaning Mikan's best friend was…

"Hotaru Imai…" Natsume, murmured, star-struck by this information… Nonoko Ogasawara _and _Hotaru Imai were intimate friends of Mikan—what were the chances that he would be saved by such a person? Was the universe having a laugh, or trying to tempt him to believe in coincidence and fate?

Everyone in the Z army knew of Hotaru Imai's name: Hotaru Imai was the inventor responsible for creating excellent Alicean weapons, navy ships and war-planes! Well, if Subaru's sister really was _that_ Hotaru Imai, probably one of the most valuable minds in Alicea, it would be no surprise that she had enough power to keep her brother away from the fighting. As a woman dealing with war everyday, catering and creating for it, Hotaru Imai probably knew more about the war than even _he_ did.

This was a breakthrough: and to think he was currently residing in her best friend's house and that he had just met her beloved brother!

His mind suddenly raced, and then stumbled across a terrifying thought: … was it his _duty_ as a Major General, as a Z, as an _enemy _of Alicea to act? To take Mikan and Subaru as hostages—two people that Hotaru Imai would surrender for? Would such act be for the greater good?

The evil idea passed, and suddenly Natsume felt sick with himself.

How dare… How _dare_ he even consider such treachery, when Mikan was risking her own life by saving him and taking care of him? How _dare_ he think about betraying her, only to create more destruction and deaths?

Natsume hated himself: he hated his character, his thoughts, his greed, and his disgusting duty towards his own polluted country. He knew very well now that war had contorted and mutilated his ethics, morals and mind.

He retreated upstairs to his room: unable to face Mikan, scared that she might finally see the demons and monsters in his eyes.

* * *

Natsume came back downstairs later in the evening. Mikan had called for him throughout the day, but he ignored it, feigning sleep but now he felt ready to face her. He had spent the past few hours trying to exorcise his demons. Sliding the door open, he heard the faint voices of Anna and Mikan conversing downstairs, but before that, his scent was overcome by the bountiful smell of food.

He could smell _meat_.

And when he went downstairs to the kitchen he was momentarily stunned to see both Mikan and Anna cooking a _feast_: noodles, meat, rice dishes and vegetables!

He couldn't believe, and for a second he believed himself to be in a dream. He knew Anna had gone to the market to trade earlier today, but nothing in this house could be worth the food that was now being prepared.

"Oh, Romi! You're up. That's great. Can you pass me the salt, please?"

He passed Anna the salt.

"Isn't this delightful?" Anna smiled. "You'll be going to bed with a full stomach tonight." She then turned towards Mikan who was stirring soup, "I'm going to go prepare the table in the living room."

Mikan nodded, and Anna left the kitchen, clearly excited and rejuvenated by the sight and smell of food alone.

Seeing Natsume's surprised expression, as he inspected all the dishes, Mikan explained, "Tsubasa brought us a treat."

Tsubasa? But how on earth… how could he garner so much food in this time of war?

After a thoughtful pause, Natsume looked at Mikan. "How did _you_ acquire all this from him?"

Mikan stopped stirring. She then looked to him and he was surprised to see that she had a rather hurt expression on her face. He didn't understand why; not until Mikan quietly said, "I didn't sleep with him for the food, if that's what you're asking."

"What—no—" He paused, before explaining more coherently, "That's not what I meant at all. I would never ever dream of you to… I mean, I was just curious to know where Tsubasa got all this food. We're at war after all."

He wished he had phrased himself better before. He felt ashamed.

"Tsubasa…" Mikan sighed, but determined to tell Natsume to truth, "You saw the tattoo under his eye. It's the mark of the underground syndicate. Tsubasa works for the black market."

_Ahh. That makes sense. That's why he's not at war._

"He's a good man. And a fantastic friend. Anna bumped into him yesterday, and happened to mention that my rations were measly, and scarce. Anna didn't mention you, but revealed to Tsubasa that I had been struggling to feed both her and myself. And you saw the results: Tsubasa's brought all this food for us, and more, simply because he cares and because he is a good man. I know working underground," it seemed difficult for her to admit this: "is… a _shady_ profession, but he's been absolutely wonderful to our community ever since the outbreak of this war."

He then thought about all the meals they had been eating these past few weeks, realizing and understanding that he had been eating Mikan's share of food for all these weeks. She probably had gone to bed hungry many a night…

Guilt was all he felt now.

"Romi… don't give me that look. It's okay. Please."

Natsume cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I… I've been eating your food—"

"It's _okay_. I want you to get better. I want you to be safe."

"Let me help."

As he poured the soup in the bowls, Natsume tried to reign in his pain. A sudden fear had gripped him: what did Mikan think of him? Did she secretly hate and resent him for taking her food and her time?

He didn't know it, but as he thought of such things, Mikan regarded the lines on his face, that exposed his feelings of guilt and upset. Quietly, she slipped her hand on his arm, and gripped it tightly in hopes to reassure him that she did not simply think of him as a burden. Natsume was surprised at first, to feel her warm hand, but soon after placing the bowl down, he placed his own hand on top of hers and gripped it tightly, hoping to convey with his firm grip his sincere feelings of gratitude towards her.

Anna was about to take a step into the kitchen, before she stopped herself upon seeing her friend and Natsume's intimate and silent actions. She retreated slowly back, deciding to give them more time to be alone together.

Anna smiled.

She smiled because she was certain only good things could come out of such actions.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Hope you all had happy holidays, and happy new year too! If you have time to spare, and thoughts to share, please review!


	10. Words Words Words

A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.

**Words Words Words**

* * *

He was persistent.

He was a Z Brigadier, meaning he was complicit in her detainment in this hellhole; complicit in Nonoko's arrest; complicit in carting Anna off to a concentration camp.

But he was kind.

Brigadier Shino Shin – or Koko, as he called himself – was kind.

All of her slots had been booked up by this persistent, kind Brigadier; weeks into this arrangement, she felt a wary sense of comfort when with him. Well, she was comfortable enough look at him whilst talking. She listened to him talk about his family, and listened to him compliment her, telling her that she was beautiful. _Well, _she begrudgingly thought, _at least he's not like one of _those _monsters, who grab me and have their fill._

But just because he wasn't a monster didn't mean anything to Sumire. Koko might be kind, but he was still the enemy. She was not naïve: no kind words, no sweet compliments, no soft reassurance from him would make her trust him. She knew her position, and when she watched him that night, holding her hand, promising her the world, she sneeringly mused, _If you really loved me, you'd free me, you idiot. You'd die for my freedom. You wouldn't keep me caged up in this prison._

"Why are you fighting this war?"

She had interrupted his exaltations; startled, Koko blinked, and took a second to reply. "What?"

"Why are you fighting this war?"

"I… well, your country is threatening international peace. Your country—"

"My _people," _she clarified, tossing her black hair behind her shoulders, "are wrong then? They have broken peace and so now deserve to be punished? Imprisoned? Killed?"

"Well… we don't _want _to kill. We need to: to restore peace. It's Aliceans who need to stand down… _we're _the good guys."

"Oh? So Aliceans are the bad guys?" Koko didn't answer—he even evaded her steady gaze. "So, what about me? Am I also a bad guy?"

Koko immediately looked at her and held her hand. "No, never. Not you. You're not bad."

"But I'm an Alicean."

"…Yes, but—"

"Oh, I see. I understand you. I'm Alicean, but I'm not bad… because, to you, I'm beautiful. My beauty transcends my country's evil. My beauty separates me from all of the other evil, ugly, death-deserving Aliceans." Her tone was casual but cold.

"No, my love—"

Sumire internally flinched at the endearment. _How dare he, _she thought, furious, _'my' love? I'm not his! Bastard! _"I'm only 'love' in your eyes because of my beauty. You wouldn't be here, wasting your time with an Alicean prostitute if it weren't for my beauty after all. You don't care for _me_. You don't even know me."

"Then tell me," Koko pleaded, clutching at her hands, "tell me everything. I want to know about you. I know it will only make me love you more."

Sumire sighed. He was pathetic and silly. But she obliged him anyway. "As a geisha, I didn't belong to anyone. I know all you Z's think that geishas are synonymous for prostitutes, but that's not true. Geishas are artists; _I _was an artist; I was art in a human form—my movements, my steps, my glances were all art. Yet even before this war, foreign men only saw what they wanted to see when they looked me. They didn't see an artist—they only saw a body; a body they were not used to. I'm differently built to a Z woman: I am slimmer, smaller—but Z men took this to mean that I was weaker, more fragile… more submissive. They reduced me to a fetish… and now, they laugh and pat each other on the back, because they have succeeded. Because now, I am just a submissive prostitute: just like they insisted all those years ago."

Silence filled the room.

She had expected him to say something… _anything. _But then, she looked at him and saw him gazing at her, with an enchanted look of wonder.

… And that's when she realized that he had not heard, or really understood anything she had just said. He didn't listen to her speak—he only _watched _her speak; he used only his eyes, not his ears.

He only experienced her beauty, and her beauty distorted and blinded her words. Next to her face, her words meant nothing to Koko. He may not have realized it yet, she thought, but she knew then that his love for her was only skin deep.

Were it not for her face, he wouldn't have bothered coming here. Were it not for her face, he wouldn't have even tried to listen to the words of an Alicean prostitute. Were it not for her face, he wouldn't be so kind to her.

When he kissed her then, she had to stop tears from seeping out from the corners of her eyes.

This room was her cage. She was like an exotic bird, imprisoned, for the amusement of rich men.

… And this fool kissing her thought that he loved her.

* * *

The radio only brought bad news. The radio only brought news of defeat, yet in an upbeat 'don't-give-up!' tone. The radio also liked to serve a good dollop of racist propaganda about the Z-Nation after every announcement. The radio only oozed fear and hatred into the house; that was why Mikan had unplugged it two weeks ago. Without the radio, her small house was abuzz with light conversations – conversations that harmonized well with laughter. Of course, no-one in her house _forgot_ about the war that blazed on outside—how could they?—but the war was pushed back into the depth of their minds; no longer did it hover in the forefront.

Natsume didn't know whether she had done this for his, Anna's or her own well-being (maybe all three), but he felt the effects of it anyway. It was as if they existed in a bubble: in a pocket of safety, that was sometimes frequented by little Youichi's pattering feet and infectious laughter.

It was nice.

His mental well-being helped his body grow stronger. His legs, though stiff, seemed to be healed, and the wound on his abdomen (which had previously caused him such pain and problem) was on course to a good, healthy recovery. He wasn't completely healed yet, but he was close.

Natsume felt himself smiling more, musing on good thoughts rather than bloody ones. He enjoyed playing kamabuki with Anna in the evenings; from her, he was given a free lesson in the art of patience. He tried to repay her by helping her in the kitchen—he would help her peel the vegetables, to show his thanks.

He liked talking to Youichi when he visited. Youichi's youthful imagination offered a sweeter, better perspective in life. _Maybe_, he thought one evening, as he thought of Youichi, _maybe the next generation will be better… if we don't poison them first. _

Before, when he was stationed in Umimachi, back when he was Major General Hyuuga, he would go to bed with dark thoughts. He would ruminate on death before meditating on the enemy, and the thought of an Alicean man was enough to incense him. Natsume had previously relied on _this, _this passionate hatred, to get him out of bed in the morning. Before, the thought of winning the war by killing the enemy motivated him. Funnily enough, the war was responsible for breaking him, but it had also been the only thing that was holding him together.

But now, a different, more _pure_ passion helped and nurtured him throughout the day. All the bloodlust was gone; now, a different passion was taking hold of his heart.

These days, it was hard not to look at Mikan when she was in the same room. He was sure she had noticed—how could she not when he looked at her all the time? She was warm, kind; radiating a lovely light so sweet, he couldn't possibly ignore it. Her words were his relief and comfort; her smiles were precious and enriching and her gaze simply disarmed him.

That morning, he was descending the stairs with plans to go to the kitchen, but he halted close to the last step. From the kitchen on the other side of the wall, he could hear Mikan humming, then singing…

_I'll be seein' you…  
__My love and friend,  
__In that same old place  
__Where we used to embrace…  
__I'll be seein' you,  
__Even when it all ends…_

Natsume just sat, in the middle of the narrow staircase. He stretched out his legs and listened to her sing this soft, slow song. He leaned his head against the wall, appreciating the way the song reverberated against the thin wall.

She was humming now; he was still sitting on the stairs. He took this opportunity to ask her in a clear voice, "What song are you singing?"

He couldn't see her, but he knew he startled her, as her humming abruptly stopped. "R-Romi?"

"Yeah. I'm sitting on the stairs," he explained.

"The stairs? How long have you been there?" She asked from the kitchen. Her voice was not any closer, so he assumed she was holding her position there.

"For a minute. I heard you sing and I didn't want to interrupt you, so I just sat here." She didn't answer, so he asked again, "What song was it? It was nice."

"It's _I'll Be Seein' You. … _I don't actually like the song very much. It's sad… but it's stuck in my head."

"I'll be seeing you," he recited, stripping it away from the melody, "my love and friend… even when it ends."

"_All _ends." Mikan lightly corrected.

"I'll be seeing you, my love and friend, even when it _all_ ends." Natsume amended. After a pensive pause, he agreed, "… It _is_ sad."

A song about love and parting… this very topic reminded Natsume of a question that had recently been plaguing him, especially when he was in his bed, alone in the dark.

Maybe it was because she was on the other side of the wall, or maybe it was because this seemed like a good opportunity, but Natsume suddenly felt brave enough to ask her this very plaguing question. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

He knew she didn't have a husband. But what if she had a sweetheart, who was at war, fighting _his _men? A sweetheart she had to say goodbye to, but promised to wait for? A sweetheart that fought with her picture in his pocket? A sweetheart that cherished her letters and kissed the envelope when posting a letter back? … Such possibilities kept him up at night, and now, he waited with bated breath for her answer.

"No," Mikan answered, from the kitchen, "I don't."

In that instance, the memory of Mikan in her loose white robe, her hair down, flashed in his mind, causing a jolt of pleased excitement. Nevertheless, he persevered calmly, "Do you think me handsome?" (His voice had only very slightly quivered in apprehension.)

"What?" She didn't seem disgusted with his question; her voice indicated astonishment, not revulsion, and that was enough encouragement.

He repeated his question again, more steadily: "I was wondering whether you think me handsome."

Blushing, Mikan's eyes concentrated on her hands. She was still facing the kitchen counter, despite that she was no longer preparing lunch, but she found it hard to move from this spot. Her cheeks and neck were aflame: pink and patchy.

Mikan was no stranger to the men—as a child, many of her friends were boys, and she maintained a close friendship with many, including Tsubasa.

But no man, in all her years, had ever made her blush like this. And to think, Romi did this to her with one simple question…

Collecting her cool, Mikan decided honesty was best in this situation. There was no point in skirting around the truth—and this was a simple question. There was no need to lie. There was no need for her to react like this.

Still facing the kitchen counters, Mikan truthfully replied, "Yes, I do."

"And," any coolness she had collected was now lost; Mikan's breath hitched, for Romi was suddenly now standing behind her, his voice low, "if this war had never happened, and I was just a passing tourist…"

His voice trailed off; it was an open question.

Mikan turned to face him; she looked up and confronted his gaze with her own. Her face neutral, she supplied an answer, "… I would have smiled at you."

He smiled at her. "Yeah?"

She smiled back. "Yes."

Before Natsume could ask her to indulge in this little fantasy, Mikan turned her back on him, effectively halting their imagination from running wild.

"I…" Natsume was hopeful when she spoke: "I think you will be ready to leave us in ten days, give or take." At her words, his hope subsided. "Subaru will be back here in a week, and I was hoping he could take one last look at you before you start making your way home." When he didn't say anything, Mikan continued, "You'll have to prepare your journey soon. I expect it will require a lot of planning."

She heard him walk away from her. She sighed, not really knowing whether she was relieved or not.

* * *

That evening, Mikan bid Anna and Natsume an early goodnight. Anna and Natsume played three games of kamabuki, before Anna also decided to call it a night.

"Good night, Romi."

"Good night."

"Don't forget to lock that window."

"I won't. I'll do it now."

After locking the window, Natsume looked at the clock. It was still early; only 8:30pm.

He wondered whether Mikan was asleep.

His bedroom was the storeroom upstairs, at the top. Mikan's bedroom was close to his own; but being at the opposite end of the corridor, he never ventured in that direction. He had never even seen her room's interior.

Earlier, he had been disheartened to remember that soon, this pocket of safety, will no longer be his abode. Well, he supposed it never was his abode… but it had become a sanctuary to him—here, he was healed, in perhaps more than more way. And so, to think of his imminent departure away from here, away from Mikan, made him want to cry like a child.

He had promised her that he would leave when he was better. And he was better; better than ever, even.

He just couldn't understand _how _or _why_, but in the recent few weeks, this house in _Alicea_ (enemy territory!) had become something like a home to him. _If Mikan knew you think of her house as your home… would she be horrified?_

He needed to go left to reach his room. But that night, Natsume found himself venturing right, down to Mikan's corridor. His heart was pounding; he was nervous, scared of his own recklessness—

A cry made Natsume stop and freeze.

… Another cry echoed at the end of this corridor.

… In her room, Mikan was crying. Silently, Natsume retreated, back down to his end of the corridor, then into his room.

… The next evening, Natsume ventured right again. And once again, he could hear small cries coming from Mikan's room. That was when he understood that Mikan always cried herself to sleep—no matter how warm, and kind she was around everyone else, alone in her room, she cried… Her sniffs, her ragged breath, her sobs... all these sounds turned Natsume's blood cold.

All these sounds were a sobering reminder that he was a Z, an enemy… not a potential suitor for an Alicean woman.

* * *

A/N: … So, I didn't update once this year, until now. Better late (i.e. in the last week of the year) than never, right? Oops.

Wow, end of 2016! Guys! Can we all just take a moment to reflect how shit this year was? Let's just give ourselves a pat on the back for dealing with all the punches 2016 threw at us. I am ready to throw this joke of a year in the rubbish bin, where it belongs.

Anyway! So! Natsume likes Mikan, yayyyy. I know this might seem like it's going too fast, but to be honest, I couldn't have another dark chapter, with him brooding about war and death. Maybe it's a bit too abrupt, but this was going to happen sooner or later, and considering I've made you all wait a year for an update, I'm sure you're much happier with a 'happy-ish' update, rather than a depressing one.

This chapter is supposed to show you the difference between Koko and Natsume's love. Natsume doesn't need to shower her with praise to show his love; Natsume listens to Mikan, and he's happy when conversing with her (even when he can't see her face)… something that Koko is incapable of, due to the shallowness of his love towards Sumire.

The pace of the story is definitely going to pick up now…

When will I next update? Hopefully not December 2017, lol.


	11. Fruits

A/N: Gakuen Alice is not mine.

**Fruits**

* * *

"Oh, this is boring!" Youichi whined, pouting his lips. Childishly, he let out a very loud and exaggerated sigh as he now rested his cheek on his hand that he propped up on the table.

It took all of Natsume's strength _not _to sigh irritably. Instead, he gave Youichi a very forced, tight smile before he said, "Come on, Youichi. You only have three questions left to do."

"Yeah, but it's _boring,_" he huffed. Natsume's eyes twitched when he saw that Youichi was now doodling on his worksheet. "I don't like maths. It's _boring_."

"Yes, you've mentioned that."

"When's Mikan-sensei coming home?" Youichi asked, his voice now displaying excitement. "I want _her _to teach me! She's a better teacher than you, no offence. She's kinder, funnier and she makes me understand. No offense."

"None taken." Natsume retorted, clearly offended.

Understanding that complaining was getting him nowhere, Youichi just sighed again, and to Natsume's relief, started to concentrate on his worksheet again.

The concentration, sadly, only lasted forty seconds.

"Where is Mikan-sensei?" He asked perkily. "Where's Anna?"

As patiently as he could, Natsume replied, "Anna's at the market. Mikan-sensei is meeting Dr. Imai."

"Dr. Imai?" Youichi's curiousity perked. "I've met him before… is he a doctor?"

"Well, yes. That's why he called _Doctor _Imai."

"Is he Mikan-sensei's boyfriend?"

"No."

"Are you Mikan-sensei's boyfriend?"

"No."

Smugly, Youichi decided that this was: "Good."

If Youichi weren't a child, Natsume would have glared menacingly at him. Instead, he tried to see the humour in his situation. "Why is that good?"

"Because I want to live with Mikan-sensei!"

"You mean, you want to be her boyfriend?"

Youichi scrunched his nose in disgust and looked at Natsume as if were insane. "Romi… Mikan-sensei is much older than me! She can't be my girlfriend!"

Youichi's worksheets were completely forgotten by now, by both Natsume and the little reluctant temporary student.

Enjoying himself a little too much, Natsume encouraged this very strange and very sweet conversation: "But then why is it good if I'm not Mikan's boyfriend?"

Youichi sighed wearily at Natsume, as if were very silly, "_Because _if you were Mikan-sensei's boyfriend, then she would choose you and she wouldn't want to live me."

"Of course she would. We could live all together."

Clearly Youichi had not even thought of this, because suddenly his face lit up, inspired by this new possibility. But then, his face dimmed a little, and he threw Natsume a rather sceptical look. "Okay, fine, but you're not allowed to do the teaching in the house, because for an adult, you're not good at this teaching business. You're not very good at maths."

"You know, before the war, I was a banker. I was considered to be very good at maths."

Youichi raised his eyebrows dubiously, before shaking his head. "Well, I'm sorry to break this to you, but you're not good at it anymore. It's a good thing the war's happening or else you'll be completely out of a job."

Then, they both heard the front door open, followed by Mikan's voice. Immediately, Youichi's face lit up and he shot up, leaving Natsume and his work behind as he bounded away to go greet his teacher. _Two-faced smartass, _Natsume thought to himself, amused, and happy to think that Mikan would soon deliver him away from Youichi's childish cheek.

"What!" He could hear Mikan exclaim, her voice wafting closer to where he was, "You didn't finish your worksheet?"

"Well, I would've," Youichi's voice was sweet, as he pleaded his case beseechingly, "only that Romi is not a very good teacher like he said to you. He was lying! He's not very good at maths at all."

Youichi pulled Mikan into the room, behind her followed a sullen Subaru Imai. Catching Natsume's eyes, Mikan apologetically smiled at him and slightly rolled her eyes exasperatingly (clearly directed at the tattle-teller Youichi).

"All I hear are _excuses_, Youichi," she said, her voice both stern and kind, "I think I know what happened here. I'm sure you talked your way out of working."

"Hello, Romi," Subaru's deep voice came, "you're looking much better."

Natsume nodded. "I feel much better."

Subaru turned to Mikan. "Shall I examine him in the next room?"

"Yes, that's a good idea." She turned to Youichi. "And _we, _mister, are going to finish our lesson here."

* * *

First, Subaru took Natsume's pulse; then checked his breathing pattern; before he finally started to examine his abdomen. Natsume stayed very quiet, keeping his eyes fixed on the wall as Subaru leaned closer to get a better look.

"You'll have this scar for life," came Subaru's verdict, "a good reminder, I think. A reminder that you are not immortal and that a stranger's kindness saved your life."

Natsume nodded. "A life lesson."

"Yes." Subaru packed away his stethoscope. He then looked at Natsume, with a very slight smile. "Congratulations, Romi. You're ready to go home."

Images of Luca, Koko, Aoi, Whitehall and his dog all rushed in Natsume's mind, and for a moment he felt his heart swell up with these pictures of familiarity. But then, that swell diminished, deflated then dissipated. Subaru noticed these subtle changes, but he did not question Romi – it was, after all, none of his business.

To fill the silence, however, that was getting a little too uncomfortable even for Subaru, he added, "I imagine your journey home will be long. I advise you travel lightly but smartly, and here," he passed Natsume a tiny bottle, "take this with you. I don't think you will need it, but it is the same ointment I gave you last time. Just in case."

"Thank you, Dr. Imai. Thank you for everything. I really appreciate it."

Subaru clapped Natsume on the shoulder. "It is a long war. Kindness is what keeps us going."

Seeing Mikan's face in his mind, he agreed, "Yes."

"Shall we go break the good news to Mikan?" Subaru suggested.

So, together they returned to her. Once there, Natsume watched Mikan pointing at Youichi's worksheet, as she sat beside him, instructing him. And that sight alone made Natsume's heart swell more than any pictures or thoughts of his home back in Whitehall ever would. She was just _there_, _here_, existing, so close-by, sitting, serene.

She was lovely, she was bright, but more importantly she was _there, here. _

And soon he'll be over there, not here.

She glanced up and looked at him first. His heart cried quietly. He tried to smile at her (but all Mikan saw was a small, sad smile).

Suddenly slightly worried, Mikan's gaze shifted to Subaru. "Is everything alright?"

"Hm?" Subaru, oblivious to Natsume's powerfully profound look, did not know what caused her sudden alertness. "Oh, yes, right. I hereby discharge Romi – he's well enough to start his journey back home. All thanks to you, Mikan."

"Oh." Mikan said. "I see."

But before she could say any more, Youichi (no longer bothering to look at his work) cried, "Discharge? What do you mean Romi's discharged?"

Mikan cleared her throat. "It means that Romi is well enough to go home."

Youichi furrowed his eyebrows, confused. "Go home? Where? Romi's going to live with me and you…"

"Stop being silly, Youichi," Mikan softly said, as she stood up. Natsume watched her: she was blinking, pressing her lips together and now refused to meet his gaze. "Subaru, thank you for everything that you've done," she walked to him, "would you like to stay for dinner tonight?"

"No, no," Subaru said, "I have other places to be. Besides, I assume you and Anna would like to say your goodbyes to Romi. I dare not intrude." Subaru then looked back at Natsume, and with a nod, he bid, "It was good to meet you, Romi. I hope you get home safely. Hopefully I will see you again when this war is over."

Natsume nodded. "I'm sure we will."

_And there goes Subaru Imai, _Natsume thought as he watched his back turn then walk away, Mikan leading the way, _the brother of Hotaru Imai…_

"Romi?" came Youichi's voice, a little small and tentative.

Natsume looked at him. "Yes?"

"Is this the last time I will see you?"

Natsume thought of Luna, who he had once promised to share a life with. He didn't want to make any more promises that could end up hurting someone. So, he answered truthfully, "I don't know, Youichi. I'm sorry."

"… It's okay."

Natsume went over to Youichi and patted his head affectionately before he sat down beside him. "I know that you think that I'm a terrible teacher, but maybe I can help you with this," he tapped Youichi's worksheet, "last question?"

"Okay," Youichi nodded, his previous cheekiness all gone now. His voice was small.

When he explained the solution to Youichi, his voice soft and patient, a bittersweetness hung in the air between them.

* * *

Once Youichi had gone back to the orphanage, Natsume went to his room. He wasn't avoiding Mikan and he didn't want to be alone, but before he had gotten a chance to speak to her Anna came home, and he felt it was best to stay quiet in his room for a while, with his thoughts.

But no thoughts really came. Emptiness filled his head; emptiness swarmed tirelessly around and around, and so he just lay there, silently.

A knock interrupted the emptiness.

"Romi?"

It was Mikan.

He sat up, then stood up, then called, "Yes?"

She slid the door open with one hand, for in the other, she held three paper packages and a paper bag. She entered his room, but did not slide the door behind her; she placed the paper bag on the floor but kept the packages in her hand. Smiling rather apprehensively, she glanced at the packages, before looking up at him to explain, "I told you once that my mother makes hairpins, and that I would give you one to give to your fiancée. Here," she stepped towards him now, and placed the three packages in his open hands, "one for you fiancée, one for your sister and one for your mother."

Natsume unwrapped one and saw a beautifully coloured hairpin that glistened in the dying light that seeped in from the paper window. "It's beautiful." He unwrapped them all – all of them were different, in their design and colours, "they all are."

"So, you like them?"

"I do." He carefully re-wrapped them back in their packages before catching her gaze, "Thank you, Mikan."

He had never addressed her to her face by her name, feeling that it might be considered rude, or even too intimate. But alone in this prettily lit storeroom, he felt it was alright, acceptable… welcome, even. At any rate, it did not go unnoticed by Mikan.

He cleared his throat, and counted, "One for my mother, one for my sister, and the last one… I think I'll give it to my best friend's mother. She loves pretty things."

He glanced up to gauge her reaction. It was hard to describe Mikan's expression: curiosity tinted her eyes, apprehension thinned her lips, and _something _definitely made her blush very, very slightly. "I think your fiancée will be cross if you do not give one to her. It's not fair."

"That night I—… you know," she understood that he was referring to the night he experienced that horrible night terror, "_that _night… I told you of my engagement and I also told you that it wasn't my choice. You very kindly told me about your grandparents; how they were happily married despite their marriage being arranged. And I respect that. But I know Luna and me will never be happy together."

_Luna_, Mikan's heart jumped, _what a beautiful name._

"I can't marry her. I won't. It wouldn't be fair to either Luna or myself. I have no intention ever to marry her."

Mikan didn't really know what to say. Silence stretched on between them. Then, in a quiet voice, Mikan asked, "Did you ever love her?"

"No," Natsume sincerely answered, "never. I was shipped off to war four days after our engagement." Seeing that this was not enough to convince her, he added, "I liked the idea of our marriage at the time. It made my parents happy, but more importantly, it made my friends very jealous." Mikan's face broke out into a smile, and Natsume laughed.

When her smile faded, she now looked up at him with a blazing look, "But _could _you love her? If given more time, or if circumstances were different—"

"I can never love her." He meaningfully looked at her. "Not after…" _you_, he wanted to add, but he feared her reaction, her rejection. He just hoped she understood what he meant, and he tried to clarify himself by saying, "All the time in the world won't change anything between Luna and me."

She didn't respond. But then again, she didn't move away from him either.

Plucking up courage from his soul, as steadily as possible, he quietly asked, "Does… does it make you even slightly sad?"

Mikan furrowed her eyebrows. "Sad?"

"Yes, sad. Sad to know that I have—_had_—a fiancée; that I'm leaving _you _soon—"

She backed away, and even glanced nervously at the doorway, clearly conscious that Anna was only downstairs, "Romi—"

He caught up with her, whispering now, "Does it?"

To his relief, she did not leave him – she stayed where she was. To his sorrow, she did not utter a word.

So, he urged her, "Do you not answer because you do not like me like as such, and wish to spare me from disappointment or humiliation, or… or do you not answer because I am a Z?"

"I-It's more complicated than your nationality—"

"So it is my race?" She succumbed to an anxious silence. "Please, tell me. Because at least then I can accept that there's nothing I can do—"

"Romi, this isn't your home." Mikan immediately regretted her choice of word, especially when she saw his wounded look. "No, no… I mean: _Alicea _isn't your home."

"I can learn, I can adapt—" His voice was full of promise, hope, and possibility.

Mikan quieted Natsume by holding his forearms with her two hands. "Romi, you have a family who is desperately waiting for your return home. A mother, a father, and a sister—they all cry at your absence. I know this. I _know_ it. They love you and they _miss _you _so, so much_. You must go back home to them. I _promised _them in my prayers that I would return you to them safely."

Natsume felt tears well up in his eyes, and even more so when he saw that she was close to tears too. Her lips trembled. And in that moment, that instant, he knew that she felt the same way that he did. _She loves me_, he quietly and graciously realised; that was exactly why they were both about to cry. Because mutual love did not mean that they could be together.

"And your friends," Mikan fervently continued, convinced she was doing the right thing, "they all think that you died alone, far away from home, far away from them. And that's cruel; they need to know that you're alive, that you're well, that they didn't fail you—"

Natsume seized her hands away from his forearms, so to clutch them both in his hands: "Mikan," he beseeched, "my family, my friends—they already think I'm dead. And you're right, it's cruel, but if I return to them now, while the war still rages on, I'll just become a soldier again. I'll be fighting again. I'll be fighting against _your _country and I… I _can't _do that anymore. I no longer feel any duty towards my country; I feel for _you_. I promise to you that I _will _see my family and friends once the war ends, but until then, and even after then I want to stay here with you."

Couldn't she see? Couldn't she see that she had helped him become a better person in these past few months? A better, kinder human being? And if she would only let him, he would help _her_—

Mikan couldn't stand to look into his burning gaze any longer. She feared that she might lose herself there. She looked away and shut her eyes, desperate to stop herself from crying. Breathing unevenly, she slightly shifted and leaned down to pick up the paper bag that she had left on the floor earlier.

Natsume watched her, as she opened the bag—but then, he felt his heart wrench, clench then break when she pulled out his uniform and his handgun. He knew what she meant by presenting him with his uniform and gun; up until now, she had kept them all hidden, and so for her to take them out of their hiding place could only mean one thing: she was asking him to leave. After all, he would need his uniform and handgun on his journey back, especially once he reached Z-occupied Alicean territory.

She swallowed, before she said, "These are yours. I washed your uniform, and patched up the bullet holes."

Abruptly, Natsume pushed his uniform and the handgun back into the paper bag. He didn't want to see them; he didn't want them back. He begged, "Mikan—" He tried to embrace her, desperate and pleadingly.

"Stop," she stopped his hands with her own. Her grip was not firm, but he yielded to her straight away. His arms fell to his side, defeated, and a mournful silence now lingered.

"You… you should leave tonight." She didn't have to say it aloud for him to know or understand, but it destroyed his heart anyway.

* * *

Once again, in her room alone in the evening, Mikan was crying. She was curled up on her mattress, sobbing quietly into her duvet. She had cried herself to sleep for many months now—sometimes with Hotaru in her mind, other times when thinking of Sumire, oftentimes when thinking of dead innocent children. But tonight she cried in order to prepare herself for tomorrow; for that exact moment tomorrow when she would wake up to _not _see nor find Romi… ever again.

This was the right thing—from tomorrow, there will be more food to eat (for no longer will she have to include Romi's portion when separating the rations); from tomorrow, Anna's life will be in less danger than it was when Romi was in the house, as they (she) will have nothing (no-_one_) to hide from the authorities. And most importantly, this was the right thing to do, because very soon, a mother somewhere in the world will have her son back.

… And yet she cried.

He was a _good_ man—a kind, gentle man that made her smile—and if circumstances were different, she would have openly loved him with all her heart.

And she cried harder at the thought that she didn't even know his real name.

She had fallen in love with a man whose name she didn't even know.

Suddenly, a knock came. She breathed sharply, and very abruptly sat up in her futon. She stilled her shaky breaths so to hear who was knocking on her door, but the answer came quickly, for Romi entered her room. Unlike earlier this afternoon, Natsume closed the door behind him.

"Romi," she wiped her face with the sleeves of her night robe, and hoped the dim lighting of her room (lit only by one small candle) obscured his vision, so he wouldn't know that she had just been crying, "what are you…" She had stopped rubbing her eyes and now saw that Romi was just standing by the door, holding something in his hand. It was too dark to decipher what it was.

Perhaps she should have been appalled by his behaviour of entering her room without permission, but in that moment just the sight of him overwhelmed her, silencing her. No thoughts of propriety crossed her mind; she was consumed by Romi's appearance—her very breathing halted when he spoke.

"In Z," his voice was quiet and very soft, "giving a stone to someone is a declaration of love. This," he held it up, "isn't just a stone—it's my stone. I've had this stone ever since I was ten. In Z, children on their tenth birthday go to Stone Sellers to buy their own stone. You can only buy one stone: even if you lose your stone, you can't buy another one, not even in adulthood. Not ever. Just one. We all keep our stones close by us and we only part with them if we find someone we want to give them to. Mine was in my uniform's left pocket… I remember putting it there just in case I died in combat, thinking, 'At least I'll go down with my stone'." Her eyes could now see the stone's size and shape: it was as big as a chestnut and as round as the earth. Natsume now edged closer to her; darkness left his face as he moved closer into the light—she could see and admire his handsome face better now, and she could also now see that the stone he held was a deep red. "Most people don't give away their stones though; I know both my parents haven't, and they've been married for years. But _that's _just how precious these stones are for us… it's a _part_ of us. People only give their stones away when they are absolutely certain… when their love is selfless."

Natsume sat by Mikan's futon, and then, very tenderly, Natsume held one of her hands. He then placed his stone in her hand and clasped her hand shut around it, so she held his stone tightly.

Mikan was breathless.

"This is a promise." Natsume earnestly vowed. "This is yours."

They looked at each other; regarded each other; gazed at each other. Then, with the stone tightly in her hand, Mikan's arms encircled him, and she hugged him, pushing her face urgently into his chest. "Don't leave me," she pleaded, in a confessional tone, "don't leave, _please_—"

"Mikan—"

She kissed him deeply, one hand on his cheek, the other on his neck. It was passionate, as unspoken feelings and thoughts gushed between them thickly; Natsume hugged her tightly, wanting nothing more but to be as close to her as possible—this wonderful woman who he loved, who had saved his life, changed his world, here in his arms, embraced by _him_—

"I hate your country," Mikan ardently and tearfully confessed (emotions that she had bottled up so tightly were now spilling, spilling everywhere, cathartically), "I hate _my _country. I'm so upset, so disgusted at the world…"

"I know," Natsume soothingly said, as he pressed her face against his chest, caressing it with his other hand, "I know." (After all, he had heard her cry herself to sleep this past week, knowing that it probably started many, many weeks ago). She was strong out there; she had to be, for Anna and Youichi. But here, she showed her true feelings towards the war and the state of the world. And here, for the first time, she shared her true feelings and incessant tears.

"But against all odds, I love you so much…" came her last confession.

He kissed her cheek, then the corner of her mouth. Patiently, he waited for her crying to subside; calmingly, he rocked her backwards and forwards in his arms, and he rhythmically stroked her back.

Once her breathing stabilized, it was time for his confession. "My name is Natsume."

_Natsume. _

It was as if a missing piece was finally found. Her heart felt at peace; it breathed a sigh of contentment and relief. She peered up at his face. Yes. This man is Natsume.

"Natsume?" she translated the name in her head. "Natsu Me? Summer's eye…?"

"No," he kissed her forehead, "natsume is a fruit in Z."

"Mikan and Natsume…" Mikan mused quietly, thinking his name over again and again. "What a fruity pair we are."

Natsume laughed against her forehead, before saying, "I have to say, I've gotten used to Romi—"

"No, no," she looked up at him imploringly, "you're Natsume… I'm so happy to call you by your real name."

He kissed her; she kissed him back—and that night in her room, she called out and devotedly cried his name many times, as they kissed, touched and loved each other with all their hearts all through the dark night.

* * *

A/N: BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT SUCH A QUICK UPDATE HUH

Well considering this year JUST CONTINUES (even in its last days!) to be SHIT, I thought I could brighten this shit up with an update… taaa-daaaaaa! Don't let these quick updates fool you to think that I'm changing my updating speed though…

Ahem. So, yes, here we are! They are in love and they have done the deed!

(The whole thing with Natsume's name—tbh, I'm sure you guys all know this but just in case—Natsu is summer, Me is eye/eyes. So that's why Mikan's all "Summer eye", ya get me?)

Well guys, I hope you have an amazing new year – make sure to all pray/BEG to the high heavens and supreme leader of the universe that 2017 is a nicer year. No more political cock-ups, no more wars, _please_… I've gone from being a sceptical person to an absolutely cynical nihilist in this one year: Brexit unhinged me, then Trump came along and just plain obliterated my sanity/faith.


	12. Eyes

A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.

**Eyes**

* * *

_(The same night, a few hours later)_

"I can feel your eyes on me," Mikan whispered, her words murmuring against his naked chest.

"I'm trying to find you." Natsume replied, "It's dark."

Mikan had thought Natsume had drifted to sleep, but when he started stroking her hair a few moments ago, she understood otherwise. After all, she didn't want to succumb yet to sleep either: she wanted to _live_, feel and _savour _this moment. She needed to capture everything: feel and hear every breath, memorize Natsume's naked flesh against hers.

She moved her head on his arm that was stretched above her; as soon as she cushioned herself on his bicep, he curled his arm so that his hand cradled and head, as she slightly turned so that her body faced him.

In the dark, they searched for each other's eyes. Instead, Mikan's lips found his chin and brushed their way up to his. Softly, they kissed.

Some part of Mikan was scared to fall asleep. What if she fell asleep and this was all just a dream? Worse, what if she woke up, this wasn't a dream, but he was gone? She was too scared to even say it out loud, afraid of tempting fate. She just needed to be with him; stay awake, and experience _him. _

Mikan put her hand on Natsume's cheek, "There's so much I want to say to you… but I don't know where to begin."

He pulled back her hair from her face, tucking it all away. "Well, you could start by telling me your age."

Mikan smiled against his lips. "Does my age bother you that much?"

"I'm twenty-six, turning twenty-seven later this year." He supplied first encouragingly.

Mikan gave in to him, "I turned twenty-three earlier this year."

"Go on," he urged kindly.

"Go on? Where?"

"Nowhere. You're staying here with me. I meant tell me more. Begin anywhere. I'll listen."

She hesitated slightly before she just let her heart speak, "I… I was a very happy, excitable child. I was blindly optimistic, head-strong and cheerful. I always stood by what I believed in..." she then chuckled in memory, "when I was ten, my school nearly closed down but I forced my best friend to campaign with me: we went to the local council and demanded that they fund our school for the benefit of our community. And we won… the battles we fought back then were smaller, easier and for 'justice'… now, I don't even know what I believe in anymore – telling wrong from right is getting harder by the day." The way she held him, however, told Natsume that she believed in him.

Natsume murmured appreciatively as he pulled her closer against him, "You're too hard on yourself. You're still optimistic, head-strong and cheerful."

"Only for the sake of others."

"Don't you see? That's an act of true bravery. You hold yourself up in order to hold up others. Most people can't do that, Mikan. Everyday doctors and nurses save the lives of their soldiers. But you saved an enemy's life. You saved my life." She didn't say anything. "You're so strong and you don't even know it… but maybe that's why you're so good."

"You think too highly."

"No; on the contrary, I have a very low opinion of the world. But I think highly of you because you warrant praise. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Your life saved mine."

"Then tell me about your life. Tell me all about this" she knocked twice against his chest, by his heart, "life that I saved."

"Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you but the life you saved is, unfortunately, a very boring one. Until now, that is." He exhaled contently against her forehead, kissed it, before he started, "I had a lonely childhood. I spent more time at my best friend, Luca's house than my own. Luca's mother was kind to my sister and me. But even so, I love my family very much. I'm thankful for everything. I didn't like school very much. It probably didn't help that I was a proud child and then an arrogant teenager. I looked down on others very quickly and very severely."

"Are you still friends with Luca?"

"Yes. He's my best friend. He saw past my conceit very easily, ever since we were kids. He knew that my indifference stemmed largely from shyness."

"You? Shy?" Mikan affectionately threw an arm around him naked torso to hug him. Her hand grazed his back, up and down, before she locked it safely in place. "I would say you're 'quiet, pensive', yes, but shy?" He moved against her slightly and she quietly moaned when she felt his skin rub against hers so intimately. "You aren't shy about the way you feel about me, nor did you shy away from your feelings before tonight. You're an honest man."

He thought briefly about things Mikan didn't know: specifically, his position in the army as a Major General and his role in her friend, Nonoko Ogasawara's detainment… he dispelled these thoughts quickly though; selfishly, he wanted Mikan all to himself. He didn't want to say anything that might compromise _this_ – not when this was the happiest he had ever felt in his whole entire life. Not when the woman he dearly loved was naked in his arms, cocooned with him by a warm and snug duvet.

_I'm sorry if my happiness is built on the deaths of others… but please, God, let me be happy tonight… forgive me, forgive me._

He was an honest man – perhaps – but only when he wanted to be.

"I suppose the war dispelled my shyness," he said, "you can't afford to be shy when you're at war. Time is valuable: the quicker decisions are made, the more lives are spared. There was no time to consider my own emotions or discomfort. Very soon, I became the perfect stoic soldier, following and giving orders automatically. But before that, my comfort zone didn't really extend beyond my family and Luca's family…" He then traced the swell of her breast, delighting in both the suppleness and the way she writhed in response, "… you know, you're the first girl I've ever done this with…"

"I gathered." Mikan kindly answered. How could she not guess; the way he _looked _at her body; his initial nervous exploration of her body; his confused fumblings; his curious but wonderstruck silences, and his very quick release all indicated to Mikan that he was just as inexperienced as she was.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, thinking too of his fast finish, "I'm sure next time I won't be as quick."

Mikan laughed now, and kissed him lovingly. "Don't apologise. You didn't fail me at all." He had, after all, compensated generously with his fingers and tongue. "The first time my friend lay with a man," Sumire, when she was seventeen, "she said it was very painful and very uncomfortable. She said she had no idea what to do with her hands, so she just lay there like a starfish." She brazenly laughed as she recalled the way Sumire described her first time, with raucous sniggers and squeals. "It wasn't like that with you at all."

With Natsume, it was truly something else: otherworldly, enchanting; transcending the ordinary into the extraordinary… feeling infinite, feeling powerful, feeling selfless, feeling _complete. _… She didn't want to say this all out loud, but by the way Natsume now caressed her face, as he kissed her neck tenderly, she understood that he felt exactly the same way. They didn't need to say it out loud for them just to _know_—it was palpable and obvious, just like how they were both here, alive, in her room together.

But Natsume felt he needed to say _this_ out loud: "I want to marry you."

"One day." She promised.

"Do you want to marry me?" He already knew her answer, but thought it was polite to ask. Not to mention, he wanted to hear her say it.

"One day." She coyly avoided his wish, but then she gave in, "I want be with you too."

"Tell me all the things you want to do."

They spent the rest of the night fantasizing, loving each other in perfect bliss, murmuring more promises to each other, forgetting all about the war that raged on only a few miles away from their room.

* * *

Mikan woke up to tinkering sounds accompanied with frustrated grunts. Tired and slightly confused, she sat up in her futon, pulling the duvet close to her bare chest. Her room was lit up by the sunshine now—a soft, warm yellow light—and through bleary eyes she saw Natsume, cross-legged, partially dressed, sitting at the end of the futon fumbling with a chain.

"What are you doing?"

He turned his neck to look back at her and smiled. "Oh, you're up," She now saw he was fiddling with his (well, now _her_) red stone and a thin chain. "I'm trying to attach this to a chain so you can wear it around your neck."

As his back was mostly turned to her, she sidled her way over to him, still covering herself with the duvet, so to kiss the junction between his neck and shoulder as she peeked over to see his handiwork.

"Thank you for giving me your stone," she said against his bare skin, as she intently watched his fingers, "it's beautiful."

"It's yours, not mine. After all, I'm yours."

She smiled, warmed with happiness. "We don't have a tradition like this in Alicea." She remarked, "I suppose when two people get married, they seal their marriage in with ink and then the priest blesses the ink and creates a new signature for the newly weds. But this is a compulsory practice. I like how this," she pointed at the stone, "isn't. It makes it more special."

"It causes a lot of problems too. Luca received a stone from a girl when were sixteen. Although all the boys admired and congratulated Luca," (with boyish jealousy), "I could see how devastated he actually was. He didn't want to hurt the girl, but he had no intention of giving his stone to her either. Presenting your stone to someone is an irretrievable decision, one that has more implications than a marriage proposal. Whilst marriage can be terminated through divorce, you can never get your stone back. When you give a stone, you're essentially giving a part of yourself to another person but this doesn't mean that the recipient now has to give you their stone in return."

"A no-return policy." Mikan joked.

"Exactly so. But the recipient cannot refuse a stone even if they don't feel the same way."

"I can understand why your friend was devastated then. The girl's stone must have felt very heavy to him. Did no one ever give you their stone?"

"No. I told you, I was shy. Not to mention, it really rarely happens. Luca is the only person I know who has received one. Even Luna knew well enough not to give hers to me, despite our engagement, in our four days of acquaintance… there!" He had successfully clasped the stone securely to the chain. He turned to face her, "Come here, turn around."

She obliged, and pulled her hair to one said for better access.

He fastened it around her neck.

"It's beautiful. Thank you." Mikan touched it. "… I'm sad I don't have anything to give to you in return."

"This is Z custom, don't worry." Natsume said, admiring the red stone against her naked skin; the stone had never looked so perfect, it looked as if it had finally found its true home. Maybe the Stone Sellers were right—maybe, all those years ago when he picked out the stone, he picked it for Mikan, not for himself. "Your very existence is enough for me."

"You'll come back here tonight, won't you?" She meant her room.

"Yes."

After a few kisses, Mikan pulled her clothes on and tied her hair up. "Tsubasa said he would be visiting to deliver some goods. I need to prepare."

Soon, she left him in her room, bidding him to come down whenever he was ready.

He admired her room for a while, looking at the little details he had missed the night before in the dark. A few minutes later, after neatly making Mikan's futon, he stood up to leave to his room to get changed for the day.

What he didn't expect, however, was Anna a few steps away in the corridor. As soon as he slid Mikan's door open, she turned to look at him. The implications of him coming out of her room, early in the morning, his hair in disarray couldn't possibly be missed.

They stared wordlessly, wide-eyed at each other for a tense pause, before—

"Umenomiya-san—"

Her surprise elapsed; now, a serene and understanding smile graced her face. "I was just opening the windows in the corridor. It's such a beautiful day; the air is so fresh. I thought it would be nice." She continued to open the windows before she casually added, "Only good things can happen from your union. We live in a period of hate, dominated by the demons. It's nice to see love in these times, for they are a reminder of the gods. Flowers _can_ grow in a wasteland."

When he didn't say anything, she continued, "I'm glad you're staying. I was upset when Mikan told me you were leaving us yesterday. Youichi will be thrilled too—I walked him home yesterday and he looked so sad. Mikan hardly ate last night."

He nodded. "I can't have you all be upset on my behalf."

"No, that would be cruel." Anna lightly replied. "You're like family now, Romi."

He smiled, but then it faltered slightly. _I'm sorry for what I did to your cousin, your family… I'm sorry, forgive me, forgive me…_

* * *

When Tsubasa delivered an assortment of vegetables and other produce to Mikan's, Natsume helped carry the goods into the kitchen.

"You're looking better." Tsubasa commented as he heaved the pumpkins in. "You healed?"

"More or less," Natsume answered, "nothing hurts anymore."

"That's good," Tsubasa grinned at him, happy to hear of a fellow Alicean's recovery, "will you be off soon, then?"

"… Actually, I was thinking about staying here."

"I mean to your family. You would be a fool to return to the army now. They'd execute you."

"I don't think I'll return to my family for a while. I'm planning to stay here."

"Oh?" Tsubasa glanced at him, surprised at this news. "Isn't your family worried about you?"

"Probably."

With furrowed eyebrows, Tsubasa asked, "Where's your family from again?"

"… Far away."

"You can tell me, you know," Tsubasa said. "I won't rat you out. Despite my appearance, I'm not like that. I'm a good guy. _The_ good guy."

"I… I think it's best if no one knows. Just in case. Besides, it would be safer for me to stay away from my family for now."

To Natsume's worry, however, Tsubasa did not seem satisfied with his response. If anything, Tsubasa now looked suspicious. "Say," his voice was forcefully casual and light, "what division did you say you were stationed at, Romi?"

"I didn't say."

Tsubasa suspicious look did not waver. Natsume busied himself with the goods, determined not to look in Tsubasa's direction.

"And I'm taking a wild guess that you have no intention to divulge this information either?"

"Look," Natsume faced Tsubasa, deciding to face this head-on, "information like this matters during war. I would rather not compromise my own life or Mikan's life—after all, it's her house I'm staying at. The less you know, the better for all of us."

"'Mikan', huh? I didn't know you two were so friendly." Tsubasa, Natsume realized, was too smart for his own good. This was expected, he begrudgingly thought, for a dealer in the black market. He was completely different to the studious Subaru Imai; Tsubasa was street smart, shrewd and perceptive to the little human details, not human anatomy.

Completely ignorant to what was happening in the kitchen, Mikan cheerfully entered, "Tsubasa, Na—," her eyes widened, as she realized her blunder, "Na… Napkins are on the table!"

"Napkins?"

"Yes… you know, for when you decide to clean that mess you made by the sink."

"Oh, right." Tsubasa smiled. If he was still feeling suspicious, he was doing a good job at hiding it, Natsume thought. "Got it."

"Tsubasa, _Romi_," Mikan rectified, "when you're done, come to the teaching room. Anna has some tea to share!" with a smile, she left them.

"Women," Tsubasa joked, "always leaving the hard work for us, huh?"

Glad that Mikan's interruption distracted Tsubasa, Natsume was now determined to leave the kitchen as soon as possible. It was not wise to be alone with this astute man. It was too risky to lie to him—he was too smart for that; Natsume reasoned it would be best just to keep his mouth closed around him.

"But I can never say no to Anna's tea!" Tsubasa jested again, his voice friendly.

Yet when Natsume turned his back to Tsubasa, to organise the vegetables, he had the distinct feeling that Tsubasa was watching his every move, surveying his every breath—definitely _not _in a friendly manner.

* * *

A/N: Right! So, from this point forward shit is going to hit the fan.

Imagine this story is a hill. Right now, this chapter is the PEAK of the hill. The previous chapters all lead to this point, and now, we are about to descend downhill, straight down into chaos and hell… after all, their countries _are _at war…

**ALSO, how is it that I have just found out about the Alice Gakuen spin-off that HRH Higuchi Tachibana wrote?! Where Natsume and Mikan appear all grown up?! Why did nobody tell me this! I feel so out of the loop... (if this is also news to you, look up _Kageki no Kuni no Alice_)**


	13. Love and War

**A/N:** TRIGGER WARNINGS: rape; suicide; concentration camps; death march; strong female objectification.

**Love and War**

* * *

Evening descended; a pretty, twinkly kind of evening and Mikan and Natsume were spending it by having a bath. Together, they sat in the tub, enjoying the warm water. Mikan's back was leaning on his chest, and as they spoke, Natsume played with her wet hair.

"Natsume?"

"Mmm?"

With a smile, she teasingly asked, "Why did Youichi ask me today when we're all moving into a house together?"

She felt his chest rumble as he chuckled. "I think he's figured out that I'm your 'boyfriend'. Which is unsurprising, I guess, considering he saw me kiss you."

"What does you being my boyfriend have to do with us moving in all together?"

He explained, "A few weeks ago, Youichi interrogated me. He decided then we were going to live together."

"That's sweet," she serenely smiled, "I love him. He's a good child."

Natsume cupped his hands to gather water, and once he did, he used it to wet the top of Mikan's head, so to wash it.

"I was thinking," Mikan said, her voice low (she was clearly enjoying getting her hair washed by Natsume), "next time Tsubasa comes, we should ask him for some seeds. That way we can grow some vegetables ourselves, and rations won't seem so small."

Non-committedly, Natsume murmured in response.

"What? Don't you think it's a good idea? … Oh, you're not still worried about Tsubasa are you?"

His meaningful silence told Mikan what she suspected.

"Don't be. He's a friend, and the minute we start questioning our friends is the minute the war takes over our mind."

Natsume protested, "He's _your _friend—"

"Which means he's your friend too, Natsume." She firmly said, sincerely. "Natsume, even if Tsubasa did suspect something, he would never do anything about it. He would never do anything that might endanger a fellow man—"

"But I'm not a fellow man. I'm a Z." Natsume quietly said, fearfully.

She turned to face him; the water rippled and swayed as she moved. She held his cheek in her hand. "But he doesn't know that. And until this war ends, he won't find out." Her words, however, did not dispel his worried expression. "Do you trust me, Natsume?"

"Of course."

He illustrated his sincerity by cupping the back of her neck with his hand, so to pull her in for a kiss. Her warm, wet body pressed against his and so he held on tight, scared that she might slip away.

She smiled against his lips. "Then there's nothing more to fear. I trust you with all my life, Natsume. So, stop looking at me like that," affectionately she tapped his nose with her finger, "and tell me more about this house we're going to live in with Youichi."

And that was enough for Natsume. She was entirely enough, perfect for him. Perhaps too perfect.

* * *

Evening descended; a pretty, twinkly kind of evening but Brigadier Shino Shin was furious; determinedly, with a violent scowl, he stormed his way down to the Pleasure House. On his way, he passed Major Mochiage and Captain Kitsuneme—they were friends of his—but he did not respond to them when they called his name; striding past them, his pace did not slow or soften.

Anger and jealousy consumed his heart—_it can't be, no, she wouldn't, she would never—_

The receptionist, a low-rank officer, looked as if he was expecting Koko—as soon as he saw Koko enter the reception, he nervously stood up, stammering in a loud voice, "Sir, B-Brigadier Shin—"

Koko slammed his hand against the reception desk, silencing the receptionist. "You better have a good excuse to why all my appointments for this month with Sumire Shouda have been cancelled. And you better have an even _better_ excuse to why some shitty Lieutenant has an appointment with her tonight, instead of me."

"Sir," the stammer was gone, but the anxiety was still there, "your insufficient funds mean that we have to cancel your appointments—"

"Don't give me that bullshit. I had a _deal _with the Pleasure House; I _paid _you, and I have ensured you and the Z Military HQ that I will pay back everything I owe once I get money. I even signed a contract! And I thought that higher-ranking officials get _priority _over shitty low-ranking scum, so _how_ is this Lieutenant—"

"He's paying three times more than your rates, Sir."

Koko blinked, stumped. "What?"

"He's paying three times more—"

"Yeah, I got it the first time." Koko spat cruelly. "So, her price has gone up? So what? Put it on my tab—_I'll _pay the extra fees when I get more money… I'm a goddamn Brigadier—"

"Brigadier Shin…. I have orders from General Serio to prohibit any more of your visits."

Koko was stunned. But just that one explanation made everything fall into place. Lieutenant General Serio, more commonly nicknamed Persona by his men (not to his face, of course) was the highest commanding officer stationed at Umimachi. He _ran _Umimachi, overseeing every concentration camp, every death march, organising all the deliveries, collecting any information; he sniffed out traitors and squashed any signs of Alicean mutiny. He gave the orders here: he was the man in charge. And Koko hated his goddamn guts—they all did, really. Persona was cold, arrogant, shrewd and deliberately cruel. Back when Natsume was still alive, he, Natsume, Luca, Kitsuneme and Mochu would often bitch about Persona in Natsume's spacious bunker. Mochu would impersonate Persona, pinching his nose to make his voice comically high, as they all smoked and laughed raucously.

That seemed like a long time ago.

Nowadays, he hardly had any time for his friends, let alone the war—he knew he had to book up all of Sumire's slots so that no one else would, which meant that both his time and money were dedicated to her, to the Pleasure House.

Luca had voiced his concern. He ignored it. But now that Persona had intervened, this was a whole different matter.

Clearing his voice, Koko asked, his voice no longer furious and loud, but low and clear, "Did… Did General Serio say why he is banning me…?"

The officer shook his head, and sincerely replied, "I don't know any details. I don't have clearance. All I know is that I can't accept any more bookings from you and that all your existing appointments with Sumire Shouda are hereby cancelled, Sir."

Her name triggered anger and jealousy; it crawled up his mouth and enflamed his eyes. Casting the officer one blazing, hateful look, he turned away—but not towards the exit, but towards Sumire's designated ward.

"Brigadier—" the officer worriedly called after him.

"Just let me _speak _to her! Five minutes!" _Fuck's sake, _he viciously thought. He detested Persona—how _dare_ he! This was his _right; _Persona had _no _right in interfering with his life_—_

When her door unceremoniously banged open, Sumire jumped, startled and scared. Her 8'oclock was _two _hours early—but then, when she saw Koko's familiar face, she knew that this was not her scheduled 8'oclock. Incredulously, she watched him close the door behind him, a despairing scowl marring his face.

"What are you doing? You're not supposed to be here—"

"They've cancelled all my appointments with you." He abruptly announced, keeping a hand on the door just in case.

"I know. I saw the charts."

Her response was not the one he expected. Her tone was nonchalant, and she indifferently continued to fold her clothes neatly. Koko was expecting _tears, frustration, anger_—not _this_ apathetic and cool reaction.

"Is that all you have to say?... Aren't you angry—"

Her head snapped in his direction; coldly, she responded, "Angry? … Did you just ask me if I'm _angry_?"

"Well, yes!" Koko exasperatingly cried, "Don't you get it? I can't see you anymore! Aren't you angry?"

Breathing shakily, she slowly but meaningfully demanded, "Is that all you care about? Isn't it obvious? The more interesting question is, why are _you_ so angry?"

"Because I won't get to visit you anymore! _Other _men will and—"

She barked a short, derisive laugh. "And what? Rape me? Well, yes, that's what happens to _all_ Alicean women in this so-called Pleasure House on a daily basis."

Koko became incensed at her casual and patronising tone, "So, you're just going to let this Lieutenant fuck you tonight?!"

Her mocking look immediately diffused; now, a _furious _expression possessed her face. She had suppressed anger for many months now, thinking it to be a redundant emotion in her situation. But it was as if his words and actions triggered a volcanic explosion of pure hatred within her—anger now bubbled and gushed ferociously. His reaction absolutely repulsed her. She couldn't believe that she, even for one second, thought this man previously to be kind. He was just the same as the rest; just as arrogant, just as objectifying—he just hid it well, under false kindness. It was amazing how quickly that façade crumbled; as soon as he felt threatened that his _toy _was being taken away from him, his true colours surfaced.

She rounded on him before she exclaimed quickly and heatedly "What do you expect, you stupid fool—do I have _any other choice or say in this matter?! _You think I can turn him down, tell him 'Sorry, not tonight'? _Of course not! _Instead, I have to just _let _him, and hundreds of other men, including yourself, come here and force themselves on me!_"_

"I'm different to the others!" He insisted.

She laughed, "How?"

"I love you! And you love me!"

"I _never_ said I had _any_ feelings towards you, let alone _love_," she spat, disgusted, "you're just projecting your own fantasy onto me! Let me say this clearly: I could _never_ love you, not when I'm in this position. I am _forced_ to be here, as an _unpaid_ _prostitute—_I am _trapped_ here. I am here _against my will_; I am here because of a war started by _men_, and if it weren't for all those wretched, disgusting, _evil_ men, I would not be here for _you_ or for any other Z. Don't you get it? You are not different to the others. You _never_ were. Just like the other Zs who come here, you _paid_ your way here. You are nothing special. You are just another soldier, here to exploit my body."

Koko looked pale; he was clearly shocked by her words. _Unsurprising, _Sumire thought, _this is probably the first time he's actually listened._

Finally, he spoke. "…So, all those times I told you I loved you… that meant _nothing _to you?"

Her resolve snapped. Anger consumed her heart. Exasperated and tired, she hopelessly bellowed, "How could it possibly _mean _anything! I'm _locked _in this room!" She slammed her hands against the cold, sterile wall: her cage, "Don't you see that?! I get _raped _here! _None of this is consensual! _I'm _raped_, then I have to sleep and eat where I'm raped! The only time I ever get to leave this room is for the toilet!" She breathed raggedly, exhausted by her own fury, before she indignantly added, "I don't think about you or any other Z officers once you leave. How could I? _You're _all the reason why I'm here! I try to forget every one of you as soon as you leave. Every night, whilst you dream in your comfortable bed about your dinner, or friends, or, god forbid, _me_, I dream about death. I wish for death. In fact, I would happily _welcome_ Death in this room as a guest, friend or _lover _because Death is my one and only deliverer."

"Don't say things like that." Koko snapped, his jaw tense. "That's insensitive to all those who have died in this war." (_Insensitive? Me? _Sumire incredulously thought, _This man gets stupider and more hypocritical by the second_) "You don't know what it's like out there, fighting—"

"Yeah," she sarcastically interrupted, "you must know _all _about that. You must be fighting a lot these days, considering how often you come _here_. You boys sure must be busy out there"

His eyes flashed angrily at her. "I have friends who have _died _in battle._"_ He thought fleetingly of Natsume, his heart clenched, "You're not the only one who's suffering!"

"And yet _you're _the one who stormed into this room, angry like a petulant child whose toy has been taken away from him. If you think _you_ felt any anger at all, just consider _my _rage; trust me, it won't even compare. I'm consumed by anger and hatred towards your country, for you have taken away everything from me. I have lost my family, my friends, even my rights and dignity as a human being. You have reduced me to nothing, and you wonder where my anger comes from? Yet _your_ anger stems from your jealousy!" she laughed, disgusted, "If you really, _really_ cared for me, you wouldn't be angry at me, you would be angry _for _me: you'd be livid that I'm a sex slave, oppressed and subjugated to _your _fellow men!"

Then, she stopped. She had so much more to say, but when she saw him crying in front of her, she was momentarily silenced.

_Maybe… maybe this fool really does believe he loves me. _

But his tears didn't change anything. Coolly, she just watched him sob into his hands. She didn't say a word. Then, after a few watery sniffs and coughs, Koko's face reappeared from behind his hands.

"I'm… I'm sorry." He choked out.

She had no intentions of accepting his apology, especially when she didn't even know what he was apologising for. She didn't react—only, her ragged breathing subsided.

"I'm… I'm going to get you out."

She didn't believe him. She didn't say anything.

He let himself out, leaving her locked behind in her cage. That didn't surprise her.

Koko ignored the receptionist on his way out. He tried to hide his face slightly—as a Brigadier, he did not want any of his subordinates to see him in this state. He had no intention of losing face. When he walked back to camp however, his stride returned. A new sense of hope and possibility suddenly occurred to him, quickening his step.

He knew now what he had to do: marry Sumire Shouda. By marrying her, he could safely deliver her out of her situation.

He was going to marry her.

* * *

"That's impossible." came Lieutenant General Narumi Anjo's verdict. "I'm sorry Koko, but that's absolutely impossible. You can't marry her. The anti-miscegenation laws prohibit a union of such kind."

"The _what_?" Mochu questioned, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. A cigarette was dangling from his mouth. From his left, Kitsuneme who was also smoking passed Mochu the ashtray.

Koko, Luca, Mochu and Kitsuneme were all congregated in Lieutenant General Anjo's office. His office walls were plastered with maps of Alicea, accordingly coloured to illustrate the successfully colonised areas of Alicean land. His desk was flooded with reports, plans, charts and registers. Narumi was sat, filing, whilst the rest all stood around his desk, leaning against it.

Though he was only ten years older than them, Narumi had assumed the mentor, even 'father-figure' role for these four men. Even Natsume, when he was alive, regarded Narumi this way despite his initial dislike towards him. When Narumi had heard of Natsume's death, he mourned for Natsume as a father would have done. The once jovial and optimistic Narumi had become sombre and subdued in the recent years; the sounds and sights of war sobered him up, sucking joy away.

This was a pity. Narumi, after all, was once a great advocate for love.

"The anti-miscegenation laws." Narumi repeated as he stamped an official document. "The Z government passed these laws a year after the war broke out. It prohibits the marital union between Z and Aliceans on racial grounds."

Aghast, Luca asked, "You mean Z is criminalising interracial marriage?"

"Z already _has _criminalised marital union between Z and Aliceans. It's been illegal for four years now. I don't know why you all look so shocked," Narumi remarked, as he looked at all four boys, all with disgusted expressions on their faces, "I'm sure that none of you have been invited to a wedding recently, let alone one between a Z and an Alicean."

"That's disgusting." Luca spat, sickened.

"That's the reality of the war." Narumi said, with a casual sigh that tried to hide his own deep revulsion towards his own country. "The more we demonise the enemy the more we do not feel remorse when we kill. By saying we can't marry Aliceans, our government has made Aliceans subhumans. It justifies our discrimination, persecution and killing of Aliceans. After all, none of you have any qualms about killing Alicean men on the battlefield."

"_That_'s different." Mochu insisted. "That's war. _This_ is love. You can't criminalise love!"

"I'm not so sure about that." Narumi lightly countered. "Killing a person… seizing a person's fundamental right to love… they both sound the same to me. Or perhaps all those bombs out there have _really_ addled my hearing…"

Kitsuneme shook his head dejectedly. "This law passed right under our noses. I didn't even know it existed."

"We were too busy fighting." Mochu supplied.

"No." Koko hollowly disagreed. "We were too busy hating."

Despondently, Luca looked at Koko. He had been worried about Koko for some time now, noticing before his other friends that Koko had been spending far too much money and time at the Pleasure House. At first, Luca thought this was Koko's way of filling up the void Natsume's death left in his heart, but soon, Luca realised that it was an obsession. Whilst Natsume and his family were New Money Bourgeoisies, Koko's family, the Shins, were Old Money Gentry. It was no secret that he was incredibly rich (despite all the financial strain the war caused), and so when Koko had asked to borrow money three weeks ago, Luca knew this obsession was going too far. Then, two weeks ago he found out that Koko's father, worried about his son's excessive monetary consumption, had cut off his son's hefty allowance.

His head hung low, Koko moaned, "What am I going to do?"

His friends all stayed silent, unsure what to say.

A great part of Luca was devastated for Koko. But another, smaller part of Luca thought that this was ultimately for the best.

"I'm afraid there's nothing to do, Koko-kun." Narumi kindly answered, filling the silence. "If you're serious about marrying this woman, I suppose you can only wait for this war to end. When the war ends, I'm sure the anti-miscegenation laws will be revoked. But until then, you can't do anything Koko—do you understand? General Serio has absolutely forbidden your visits, and as a soldier and as his subordinate, you must obey orders."

Hatred momentarily and quickly passed through Koko's face. "If only Persona hadn't meddled—"

"This would have happened one day or another." Narumi firmly said. "You know how meticulous he is. He's been reviewing all the reports and noticed you were lagging."

Resignedly, Koko's head sunk again.

_I wish Natsume were here_, Luca desperately thought; _Natsume would have known what to say. _

His best friend had been a man of a few words, but when the time called for it, he had always known what to say.

Nearly six months had passed since Natsume's disappearance (and presumed date of death), and Luca had not quite been the same ever since. Some part of him still absolutely refused to believe his best friend was dead, insistent that until he saw his dead body, Natsume was alive.

He missed him so much.

Everything around him was falling apart. Everything was cruel, horrible and wretched. Everything was failing, _everything _but the battle reports—on paper, Z were doing very well. In the past two months, there were less Z casualties and deaths. But that did not mean that there were _no _deaths, and whilst on paper, 18 deaths did not seem _so _bad, in reality, 18 deaths meant 18 mourning families.

When would it all just end?

Would it _only _end in death?

It seemed like Mochu was thinking the same thing: "When is this fuckin' nightmare gonna end?" He suddenly said, his voice tired and small. "I just wanna go home. I don't care anymore."

Kitsuneme grimaced. "I stopped caring a long, long time ago. The only thing that keeps me going is my fear of death."

Suddenly, they heard a loud chorus of cheers and whooping from outside Narumi's office. Curiously, they all turned to face the door, wondering what had caused such exuberance outside.

"Well, enthusiastic people like _them_," Narumi clearly meant those who were celebrating outside, "are the ones who keep this war going. Luca-kun, see what's going on?"

Luca opened the door. "Hey," he called, to a passing officer. "What's happening?"

The officer happily obliged him, "General Serio has just announced another invasion mission to Central!"

Luca's heart faltered slightly. Central was where Natsume had fallen. Natsume had been in charge of the Central Invasion Mission that failed. This news did not sit well with Luca. "How do you know this? Do you all have clearance on this information?"

"General Serio announced it to the assembly this morning, Brigadier Nogi." the officer informed Luca. "He needs a handful of volunteers to help with the invasion mission, on the basis that he believes that the previous mission failed due to its small scale."

"Who is leading the mission?"

"Major General Matsudaira, sir."

Hayate Matsudaira: also know as Wind Bastard. Natsume had come up with the nickname, on the basis of Hayate's incredibly volatile personality. His platoon was ruthlessly notorious for being unforgiving in missions, even to little children.

"When is he to deploy his platoon?"

"Three weeks time, Sir. They want to train the volunteers first."

Luca nodded in thanks. He had heard enough for now. He closed the door.

Now, Koko groaned, holding his head. "God, I pray for those Central kids… they're as good as dead."

"Save it," Mochu said, "no use in prayer. God doesn't exist, and even if He did, he sure as hell is not listening to our prayers."

* * *

A/N: Ta-da!

Thanks for everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate all the comments :)

More juxtaposition between Koko and Natsume.

So, yeahhhh… as you can tell, things are gonna get messy now. I'm tempted to have one more 'nice' chapter before it all goes to hell. I'll see how optimistic/nice I'm feeling, but considering Trump's inauguration is finally upon us (bloody Doomsday), I might just stick to my original doom-n-gloom plan.

Le sigh.

Please review to make me feel better?


	14. Dreams and Prayers

A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.

**Dreams and Prayers**

* * *

The November sky was a dusty blue, with frozen clouds slowly pushing across the expanse. It was a Saturday; the streets of Whitehall were bustling. Parents carried their children to the markets as young adults and teenagers alike sat in the cafes. Despite the cold, people sat outside on the cobbled streets, on the little white chairs and tables, smoking while they ate a light lunch.

Everyone was wrapped warmly, wearing colourful scarves that matched with their gloves and hats.

In his gloved hand, Natsume held his little sister's hand.

It was November 27th; Natsume's tenth birthday, and with only his little sister as his company, he walked down the streets of Whitehall.

Ten was an important age in Z. The transition from a single digit to double digits: the first step of independence a child undertakes. And as it was his tenth birthday, as customary to Z tradition, he was making his way to the Stone Sellers. But unlike the rest of the children who also shared his birthday, he was not going with his parents.

His father was already in his office and his mother was busy at the opening of the new art gallery, down south of the river. To make up for their absence, his parents had promised a cake for this evening; before she had left, his mother had left him a purse full of money, bidding him to go buy a stone for himself and treats for his little sister. She kissed them both a goodbye and left, leaving only the scent of her lingering perfume.

The Stone Sellers were located west of the river and so with his little sister Aoi accompanying him, Natsume walked.

"Are you cold, Aoi?" He marked her red nose worriedly.

"No," Aoi happily replied with a toothy grin, "are we there yet?"

"Soon." He promised.

"Are you happy you're getting a stone?" She asked. "I want a stone! I wish I was ten."

"You'll be ten soon," Natsume said, squeezing his little sister's hand, "and when you're ten, mother and father will take you to the Stone Sellers."

"Why aren't they here now? Why aren't they taking you?"

"Because I've got you, silly."

Aoi giggled. "No, _you're_ silly."

They arrived. There was only one shop that sold these stones per city: the shop in Whitehall was large, purple and glittering.

Aoi was practically bouncing when she entered the shop, gasping at all the different stones that shimmered and gleamed. Natsume had never seen so many colours in one place: it was as if a rainbow had descended from the heavens, scattered upon hitting the earth and crystallized in different shapes and colours.

"Wow, Natsume!" Aoi cried. "Look at this one! It's multi-coloured!"

"That's an opal, my dear," a soft, slow and low voice said from behind. Quickly, Natsume and Aoi turned; they found a serene woman with grey hair and brown eyes standing. Despite her grey hair, she was not old: she was young, and the amethyst earrings that dangled and jingled from her ears only added to her ethereal appearance. "You are not destined to have an opal, my child."

Aoi's face fell. "Why not?"

The woman smiled kindly. "It just is so. You are not an opal spirit. Besides, you are not yet ten. Perhaps when you come back, your destiny will be different."

"I thought that _we _get to choose our stones." Natsume said, defiantly. If his sister wanted the opal, why shouldn't she get it?

"That is true. But as Stone Sellers, we are here to guide you. We are here to help you find your stone, and as she stands right now, the opal is not hers." She inclined her head slightly towards Natsume now; bowing, she announced, "I am Yura Otanishi. I am your Stone Seller. Let me first congratulate you on your tenth birthday."

Natsume didn't know whether to thank her or not; instead, he just nodded.

"Do you know why you are here to buy a Stone today, on your tenth birthday?"

"Because it's tradition. Everybody does it."

"Yes and no. In the past," Yura now sashayed away from them (the Hyuuga siblings followed her, instinctively drawn to her), "people did not often make it past the age of ten. Children died before adulthood. You are buying a stone today to mark your existence. Now that you are ten, you will never be the same again. You will never be a child again. As of today, you have begun your lifelong journey into adulthood. Your stone will be a crystallized token of your childhood. Your stone will represent the purity and innocence of childhood. Your stone will preserve innocent selflessness. Your stone is a _part of you_. This is vital, for humans often stray from the path of selflessness with age. Let your stone always be a reminder of purity, innocence and selfless love."

Yura was now gazing into Natsume's eyes. Uncomfortable at the intensity, Natsume shifted his eyes away. Aoi, on the other hand, looked wonderstruck (though she did not quite fully understand what Yura's words meant).

"Where are your parents?" Yura asked suddenly, her voice now more pragmatic than celestial.

"Working." Natsume explained. "I've got money," he added, worried that she might not serve him otherwise.

Kindly, she smiled at him. "Money or no money, parents or no parents, you are my customer. Now, what is your name?"

"Natsume Hyuuga."

Yura now took a sheet paper and placed it on the glass cabinet to write all this information down. The Stone Sellers were renowned for their meticulous filing system. "Name: Natsume Hyuuga…" she murmured as she wrote his name down; she double-checked with him to see if she had spelt his name correctly. He nodded, and she continued, "…birthday: 27th November…"

She glanced up at him, looking again at his eyes. "Hmm… as a November child, you have a strong affinity with the orange stone, Citrine. But you will find oranges elsewhere in your life. As a child born during the dying days of November, your sign is Fire."

"Yes," Aoi excitedly clapped her hands, "Natsume is warm!"

Natsume blushed, red.

"I can see that." Yura sincerely agreed, "Pure, small and warm like a shy fire in a homely hearth." Then, it was as if Yura's eyes sighed sadly. "However, the fire will not always be small and pure. This is why you need a stone, to bring you back when you become too big and dangerous."

"Natsume will never become dangerous!" Aoi insisted. "He's too kind and nice, even though sometimes he can be mean."

Yura did not contradict Aoi but she did not say anything else concerning this matter either. It was as if she knew that something cruel, something evil was brewing in the later years ahead.

"Now that you have heard my words," Yura addressed Natsume, "if you had to choose a colour, what colour would you choose?"

"Red." Natsume's response came naturally; he did not have to ponder over this.

"Yes. Rightly so. Your stone is a red stone. Come with me to the Red Room."

Natsume, holding Aoi's hands safely, followed Yura into the Red Room. There, he was met with hundreds of different shades of red. He did not know that there were so many different reds in the world—all the varying degrees and intensities enchanted him, soothing his soul. With his sister, he was swimming and floating in a world made up only of red… and he had never felt more at home.

"Find your stone. It is here somewhere. You," she now spoke to Aoi and held out her hand, "you come with me. We must leave your brother now."

Natsume held onto Aoi tightly. "No, she stays with me."

Yura smiled. "I know you wish to protect her always. But this is your stone: this is something you must undertake yourself. You must focus on it completely and absolutely. Your little sister, though precious to you, cannot distract you from this. We will be outside together, I promise."

Aoi nodded encouragingly to her older brother. "I'll be outside waiting! Pick a good stone for yourself, okay?"

Natsume nodded, and let her go. "Okay."

Smiling, she skipped over to Yura and waved him goodbye. He waved back, feeling slightly nervous without his little sister beside him.

Alone, he searched for his stone. He saw thousands of red stones that day.

Thirty minutes later, he found his stone.

He knew it was meant for him as soon as he saw it. Perhaps to anybody else, the stone would not have looked any different from the others that surrounded it. But to Natsume, it was distinctly unique and specifically his. He could not say why; no words could adequately explain this transcendent moment. All he knew was that he just _knew_.

He picked it up, and together with his stone, he left the Red Room and his childhood behind.

Now, out of the Red Room, different colours materialized before him: blues, oranges, pinks, purples and greens – yet for some reason, every colour seemed slightly different now. Perhaps being in a room that focused solely on one colour transformed other colours.

"Natsume!" Aoi called, happy to see her brother. "Did you find your stone?" She rushed over to him, her face glowing with anticipated excitement.

"Yes." He proudly confirmed and held out his stone for her to see.

"Oh, it's beautiful! Natsume, it's wonderful! It's perfect for you!" Together, they peered at the stone, adoring the rich redness.

Now, Yura stood beside them and regarded the stone too. She seemed content with his choice.

Then, in an elusive tone, Yura remarked, "It befits you very well, Natsume. But I think that you will find somebody who will suit this stone even better than you in your lifetime."

Aoi frowned. "But it's perfect for _him! _Natsume shouldn't give it away."

Secretly and quietly, Natsume agreed. He did not want to ever give this stone away. He loved it already so much. Possessively, he held it tighter. If this stone was a part of him, then it should stay with him forever. He did not want to lose a part of himself.

Aoi added, "Not even mummy or daddy have given their stones to each other!"

"Most people do not." Yura acknowledged. "But everybody has a different destiny. Some are destined to give their stones away. Do not look upset, Natsume." she peacefully smiled at him, "You will find perfection not in yourself, but in someone else. That is the meaning of selflessness and true love. When you find that person, you will not despair to give your stone away. You will want to give a part of yourself away to them, sincerely and lovingly. You will give your stone away with a perfectly pure sentiment: it will bring you peace. Remember this, Natsume."

_Remember this, Natsume…_

_Remember this, Natsume…_

_Remember this, Natsume… Remember…_

… … … … …

"Natsume," a soft voice called him away from his dream, pulling him up from the hazy realms of his swirling memories, "Natsume… Natsume… wake up…"

She always said his name so lovingly, as if she was uttering a little prayer.

He stirred; murmuring nonsense, he felt consciousness seep into his body. His senses stirred: now, he felt the familiar contours of Mikan's body beside him; the softness of the sheets underneath him; he smelt the sweetness of her hair; felt the warmth of her presence and the sunshine that illuminated their room. He cracked open his eyes to see her peering at his face; she smiled tenderly at him, happy to see his eyes open.

Her hand touched, then stroked his cheek gently. He brought his hand out of the duvet so to hold her's that caressed him so intimately.

"I'm sorry I woke you."

Natsume grinned sleepily. "No you're not."

She laughed lightly. "I am!" she maintained. "You looked so peaceful and content as you slept… I really didn't want to wake you up. I didn't want to disturb your peace."

Remembering his dream that replayed a special childhood memory, he insightfully smiled at Mikan. Could she, and will she ever know or truly understand how much she really meant to him? "Believe me, I'm finally at peace here with you, Mikan. You have brought me peace. I don't need to rely on my dreams anymore." His arms now encased her, he held her tightly to himself. "I love you so much." He buried his face in her hair, never wanting to part from her. He kissed the top of her head lovingly, "So much."

She chastely kissed his neck. "Come on, we have to get up. Any other day, with an expression like that on your face, I would have left you to sleep and dream. We need to go to the temple."

Mikan had explained two evenings ago in their room that Alicean festival of Good Health was upon them soon. The Day of Good Health was today, and it was part of their tradition that the citizens would go to the temple, pray and offer the gods respect and allegiance on this day in return for good health. Anna and Mikan decided it would be best for them (along with Youichi) to go early in the morning to pay homage to the gods.

"It seems pertinent more than ever to pray." Mikan had told Natsume last night before bed, "I know this is not your God, but if you would like to come with us, please do. Anna will not suspect you if you decide not to come though, don't worry—many people have abandoned faith in these times. The temple will probably be empty, especially so early in the day. I'm not religious myself," she also confessed, "but I feel I shouldn't forget my country's traditions in these times."

"No, I want to go," Natsume had insisted, "I want to go with you, Umenomiya-san and Youichi. Just teach me what I need to do."

Smiling at him, she had held his hands. "First, we clap to announce our presence to the gods." With each of his hands in each of hers, she clapped their hands together, showing him. He smiled, amused. "Then, we bow, as a sign of respect, to show the gods that we are humble." She had inclined her head down to show him, and he mimicked her. She laughed. "Then, we put our hands together," she pressed their hands together, "and pray. We do not pray selfishly to the gods. We do not pray for ourselves. We first thank the gods, and then, we pray for others and for the world. By praying for the world you pray for yourself and those you love, for you are part of the world and the world is part of you."

Now, morning had broken. It was time for them to go and pray to the Alicean gods of Health.

Mikan pressed her lips to his neck again. "Come on, let me go. We need to get ready. Anna is probably already waiting for us downstairs, and can you imagine what would happen if Youichi arrives now? He will bounce his way up here and catch us in bed."

Natsume sniggered, diverted at the thought.

"Come on, let me go."

Natsume refused; he held her tighter and hummed, "Five more minutes like this, please."

He then felt her caress his back; he smiled, victorious.

"I spoil you too much." Mikan sighed, before she agreed. "Five minutes. Then we need to get ready."

He consented, sealing his promise with a kiss to her forehead. "Five minutes."

* * *

An hour and a half later, the four found themselves outside the temple's altars. It was so very different to the religious houses of Z; it was not as ostentatious or as impressive in terms of its decorations—instead, its grandeur came from the beautiful and expansive nature that surrounded the temple.

Natsume had not been outside for a long time now. He had not minded being inside Mikan's, but now that he walked and heard the birds and felt the freshness of the air surrounding him, his heart breathed deeply. Nature was wonderful, truly.

Just as Anna and Mikan had predicted, there were not many people at the temple at this time. As far as his eye could see, Natsume only saw six people there, all elderly citizens.

"Ah!" Youichi excitedly shrieked, "Squirrels!" Letting go of Natsume's hand, he zoomed his way over to the animals, his arms spread out wide.

Anna cried, "Don't hurt them, Youichi!"

"I won't!" He giggled and squealed in delight.

The three all warmly watched over Youichi as he played and with the obliging animals. Soon, he zipped his way back to them, panting slightly.

"Let's pray." Anna said.

They all lined up before the altar and simultaneously in perfect sync, they all clapped, bowed, then put their hands together to pray.

_Hello gods of Health! I thank you every day for Health! I am thankful for my beating heart, for my arms that help me write, and for my legs that help me run and chase animals! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I pray for everybody's health, especially the health of the Alicean men at war. Please keep them healthy so that this war can end so that I can live with Mikan-sensei and Romi. Anna-sensei is going to be our neighbor so she can make us treats. Those are my prayers! Thank you very much!_

_Thank you gods of Health for the good health of those who surround me. Thank you; I am grateful. I am here today to pray for Nonoko and Sumire. Please, please, please watch over them. I pray that they are both in good health, mentally, physically and spiritually. I am so, so, so sorry for not being able to help Sumire that day. Please, please, please save her. Please thank Nonoko for saving me. Please. Please keep us all in good health, and watch over us all. Please let Youichi grow up to be strong and kind. Please make sure he does not have to fight in this war. Please watch over Mikan and reward her for her kindness towards Romi and myself. Please let Mikan and Romi's love flourish. Thank you. _

_Thank you. I am thankful that I am here today, alive, surrounded by those who I love, and those who love me back. I am grateful, I am grateful. I pray for the world. I pray for Youichi: may he never know war, and may his generation be strong and just. May he be healthy, good and kind… and diligent with his work! I pray for Anna's good health… I feel that she is better these days, but I know she mourns for Nonoko and feels guilt concerning Sumire… please, please, give her the strength to forgive herself. I pray for both Nonoko and Sumire, my dear friends… please keep them save, healthy and strong. Please assure them that they are not alone… I… I feel guilty that I am here, surrounded by love, whilst they are out there… Please forgive me for that, please… I'm sorry, Nonoko, I'm sorry, Sumire… I pray for our reunion. I pray for my parents who are in Hina, safe, far away from the borders. May they be healthy for the many, many, many more years to come. I pray for Hotaru who is at the centre of storm; please make sure she eats and sleeps well. I miss her very much. I thank Tsubasa and Subaru for helping us; I pray you reward their kindness. I pray for Natsume's health. I know he is better; he walks fine now, and his wounds do not hurt him, but please help him overcome the wounds in his mind. I know you are not his god, but please be there for him too. I wish him health above anything else. I… sometimes at night, I fear that I am keeping him away from his happiness. I worry that I am stopping him from returning home to his family and friends. I fear that I am being selfish—cruel, even, especially to his family and Luna. I pray for them too—please, please, please let them forgive me for keeping Natsume here with me… I promise to keep him safe and healthy, and I promise I will return him to them in good time. I promise. Thank you._

… _In your country, I am known as Romi, but I am Natsume Hyuuga from Z. Right now, my country fights with yours. I know my apology means nothing, but before I thank you, I offer you an apology. I am sorry. I am sorry for my country. I am sorry for the way I acted towards your country and your citizens too. I was consumed by hatred… I lost my way. I… became too big and dangerous. I… I don't know if it was destiny that brought me here—maybe I was always supposed to meet Mikan—or whether it was just chance that brought us together, but I am so, eternally and infinitely thankful for it. Thank you. I have learnt more in these past six months in your country than I have in my entire life back at home. I have regained something I thought I lost a long time ago. Thank you for being such an accommodating host to me… I don't know if I am a welcome guest here in your country, but I am thankful for everything. My prayers go out to everyone affected by this war. I pray for Youichi, Anna… Anna's friend and cousin that are hurting because of me… I pray for them. I am sorry. I… I…. I know I have done so much wrong. I don't ask for your forgiveness, but I ask that you are gracious to all those I have hurt. I am sorry. My repentance is sincere. Please grant them all good health. I pray for Mikan with all my heart. My heart is her's. I pray her health continues. I know of her sadness, and I pray that you help her overcome the grief this war has caused her. Let the war end, please. I ask this on the behalf of the world. Thank you... and I'm sorry._

* * *

A/N: So, despite all the horrific changes that have already happened now that the Orange Blithering Repulsive Shakespearian Villian is President, the Women's March across the world really inspired me! It was a great day; I'm so glad I went. If any of you marched, thank you; let's all continue to fight injustice.

I have a few points I want to clarify: instead of replying all the reviews diligently, I'm going to answer a few questions/underline a few points that were raised in the reviews…

**1\. Koko and Sumire:  
**Some of you have asked Koko and Sumire to 'be together'. I'm sorry, but in this narrative, that is absolutely impossible. Why, you ask? Well, just re-read the previous chapter. She's said enough. I don't want to paint a rose-coloured picture of her situation: Sumire's condition is brutal, derogatory and horrific. She cannot possible fall in love with _any _of her captors. We've all learned about the Comfort Women of WW2: the Imperial Japanese Army forced women and girls into sexual slavery. And let's not forget the British Empire too, during colonialism, and their reprehensible behaviour to women across the globe. Colonisers throughout history have been repugnant towards foreigners, but their treatments towards women, is shockingly and morally repugnant, treating them as objects, as if women were only there to simply gratify and satisfy their needs. Whilst I know this is just a fanficiton, I am very aware about the _ethics of writing. _Ethically, I cannot write a love story between Koko and Sumire in their situation—it's offensive to history and women. Not to mention, there is nothing romantic between them! I really liked **BloodRedRubies**'s review: 'koko still doesnt understand how sumire feels. he didnt ask her properly so he is just forcing her too under the pretense of freeing her.' – _exactly. _I don't want you to feel sorry for Koko in this instance at all. His arrogant solution (marriage) just exposes his sheer and utter ignorance and naivety towards Sumire's situation. He might be despairing about war, but his previous blindness to the harsh realities of the Pleasure House exposes his (and even his friends) deep-rooted patriotism and the systematic racism that has taken control over their sense of morality. His solution just enforces his own preconception that she exists for _his _benefit only: not once does he consider whether she would want to marry him (answer: definitely and absolutely not).

**2\. The anti-miscegenation laws:  
Blueabyss16** asked, 'what kind of law forbids interracial marriage? That's just plain racism there!'. Yes, it is a severe form of racism. But these laws really and truly existed. Most famously, only 82 years ago, Nazi Germany passed the Nuremberg Laws that forbade marriage and sexual relations between Germans and Jews/people of African descent/Sinti and Romani. This happened in the US during the 20th century too (google is your best friend). Horrible, horrible, horrible.

**3\. Where are Natsume and Mikan? Are they in Central?**

Mikan's house/school is situated in **Hoshikuzu, **which is a small region located on the outskirts of Central. Natsume's platoon tried to invade Central through Hoshikuzu but his invasion was met with heavy resistance from the Alicean army, and so, he alongside most of his men fell there.

**4\. Army ranks**

So, I don't know anything about the army. To be honest, I'm not interested in the slightest. I wouldn't be surprised if all my assignments are wrong: maybe Major Generals don't lead platoons for invasions etc. The information I've presented in my story does not correspond with reality. HOWEVER, I have followed the Rank System accordingly (following the British Army model):

Officer Cadet  
Second Lieutenant  
Lieutenant  
Captain: **Kitsuneme**  
Major: **Mochu**  
Lieutenant Colonel  
Colonel  
Brigadier: **Luca; Koko**  
Major General: **Natsume; Hayate **  
Lieutenant General: **Tono; Narumi**  
General: **Persona**

This way, you can understand the power dynamics within the Z army, and map out who stands where, under or above whom.

**By the way, shout-out to the 'Guest' reviewer who reviewed: **'ARE THEY GONNA FIND NATSUME AND THEN SHIT GOES DOWN FASTER THAN THE U*A GOVERNM*NT JUST CURIOUS ASKING FOR A FRIEND'. That made me LAUGH. But yes, Guest/your curious 'friend' (and other readers), shit is going to down faster than the US government in the next update… just a heads up!


	15. Battlefield

**A/N:** I don't own Alice Gakuen. Also, heads up, long chapter ahead. Maybe make yourself a cup of tea.

Battlefield

* * *

Mikan was humming that same old song. She was sitting, gently swaying her head as she sung in the sunshine. A few steps away from her, Anna and Natsume were playing another round of kamabuki. Conversation between the three came and went; patches of conversational silence lazily stretched between them, and Mikan's song had melted into the background, as naturally as a ticking clock.

Despite the sunshine, no birds were singing on this day. Outside, stillness had descended.

"Oh, my," came Anna's voice; Mikan stopped singing as she glanced back to see Anna's surprised smile and Natsume's victorious smirk, "I think you've won, Romi."

Anna wasn't really the only who was surprised by the turn of events—after all, Anna had continuously demonstrated that she was far superior at the game.

Mikan warmly watched them; she watched as Natsume picked up his piece and took Anna's King, finally, after months of playing. "Checkmate."

"Well done, Romi," Anna congratulated her opponent, lightly clapping her hands. "Good game. I didn't anticipate your last few moves."

"Don't compliment him too much," Mikan called from across the room, in a light tone, "men are best when they are humble."

"A few compliments never hurt anyone." Natsume countered back, smiling at Mikan. He stretched out his hand, beckoning her to him. Despite her churlish smile and her pseudo-reluctant sigh, she joined his side. He stretched his arm out and put it around her. She put a hand on his.

Mikan looked at the kamabuki board. "Mmm. That _is _a good game." She verified as she inspected all the pieces.

But before more could be said, before another breath could be taken, suddenly, the stillness of the sky was completely ruptured. The deafening sound of the war sirens punctured the day; the earsplitting buzzing cry rung loud and clearly throughout Hoshikuzu, reverberating against all the houses.

Their eyes all widened but their bodies were all paralysed, not entirely believing what they were all clearly hearing.

But then, Anna's abruptly stood up; she haphazardly knocked the kamabuki board over and all the pieces noisily scattered across the floor. Her mind had not completely registered _exactly _what was going on, but the wretched sinking feeling in her heart and gut told her all she needed to know. Instinct took control: her heart pace and breathing dangerously quickened as her whole body shook like the last leaf of the season. Unevenly, as if gasping for air, Anna choked, "They're coming."

The earth shook and the heavens disappeared: a bomb exploded and piercingly blasted a few hundred metres away from Mikan's home. Guttural screaming ensued and the cries pierced the winds.

The war sirens were always, _always_ the first signs of destruction. The repetitive bleating cries of the sirens signaled the arrival of Death. The accompanying bombs were the beating, fatalistic drums—boom, boom, boom—

It was just like last time. Suddenly, and very painfully, memories ripped through Anna's brain—_this is just like last time! _This is how the invasion in Umimachi began: a normal day, but then they came, by foot then by planes and then ripped and blew their way through the city, leaving death in their wake—_mum, dad and Miruku were killed and Nonoko and Sumire were taken away_—"Mikan!" Anna suddenly shrieked, her brain finally catching up to her heart, fully understanding the severity of their situation. "Mikan, they're coming!"

Anna beseeched Mikan with an expression Mikan had never seen before: above all, it was frightening, intense, _raw—_

Another explosion!

"_Mikan!"_ Anna frantically entreated, her voice hoarse with frenzy, her eyes manic and frightfully desperate, "We need to _go! They're coming_—_"_

With a blazing look, Mikan turned helplessly to Natsume.

She had never seen him so pale, so scared. Natsume looked like a vulnerable little child. The sight of him alone instigated her rationality: fear melted from her own expression as determination set in. There was no time for panic: she needed to save, protect Anna and Natsume. Resolutely, she gripped Natsume's arms and pulled him up.

They didn't have time to flee to the allocated 'safe zones' in Hoshikuzu, she mentally calculated; it would be far safer to lock themselves underground, in her bomb shelter under the storage room.

"Anna," Mikan said, her voice firm and clear, "look at me. Anna!" She complied, albeit distractedly. "I showed you where the bomb shelter is. We're going there." Seeing Anna's frightened look, Mikan explained, "There's no time. We won't make it to the evacuation point in one piece. It's too dangerous. The bunker is our safest option—it's resilient and I've stored emergency food and water down there."

Mikan couldn't promise that they would survive if a bomb hit the shelter directly, but it was their best chance of survival.

Whimpering, tearful and still violently shaking, Anna nodded, understanding.

"Now, go to the bomb shelter. Take Natsume with you."

Momentarily, despite her panic and the gnawing dread that consumed her heart, Anna rather perplexedly wondered who Natsume was. Nonetheless, she was too distraught and too scared to ask—besides, there was no time. They were coming.

"I'm going to get Youichi." Mikan then said. "Now, the two of you go to the shelter; open it up, be ready for us!"

Natsume thought that war had made him experience all sorts of emotions that were not usually felt or present in a peaceful man's quotidian life. But for the first time, when Mikan spoke those words, Natsume understood what fear truly was. He feared for Mikan's life, not for his own—he feared for her safety, and a cold, empty voice in his heart told him that he would never see her again if she left him now.

Immediately, that fear ignited his spirit and he grabbed her arms pleadingly. "No! You're not going, I'll go—"

"I know where he'll be! Natsume, let me go, we don't have time—"

"Mikan, no!" He cried, tightening his grip. "I'll go with you—"

Mikan glanced at Anna, whose panic seemed to be rising again with this disruption. Looking at her with a steady gaze, she affirmed, "Anna, go to the shelter and open it up. Natsume will be with you soon, I promise. Please, Anna."

Anna nodded, understanding Mikan. She made to move to the door, but then she looked back at her friend. It was a pitifully beautiful picture, her friend and her lover holding each other so resolutely. "Be safe, Mikan," Anna bid, before she dashed off.

Hastily, Natsume implored, "Mikan, _please—_"

"Natsume," her hands cradled his cheek and her eyes searched his frightened one, "they _can't _see you. They can't. If they do, they'll think you've betrayed them. They'll take you away," _from me_, her heart sobbed, "or they'll kill you. I _can't _let that happen." _I won't survive if you disappear… I promised your parents I would deliver you home safely… _

"But—"

"No!" Mikan's tone was absolute. "Natsume, _please_, no!"

"It's chaos out there!" Natsume suddenly shouted, stretching his arm out to the window, "I won't let you go!"

"Natsume, _please! _Youichi needs me!"

_I need you! _He wanted to shout. _I need you! _But he didn't do so—he saw the look on her face. It was that same collected but absolutely firm expression she had previously used on him when she was first tending his wounds. Her determination always had emboldened him. He was wasting time. He needed to back down. The hold on her arm slackened very slightly.

"I'll be ten minutes."

"Make it five. Five minutes." He besought, now holding her hands in his, clasped together, as if they were simultaneously prayed.

"Five minutes." She amended, sealing her promise with a very quick but loving kiss against his hands.

"Come back to me." He begged, returning her kiss desperately against her hands, which were now slipping away from his own.

She nodded, promising everything but nothing. "I'll be five minutes. Now, go help Anna… and get your gun from our room - just in case."

He nodded, and despite his look of despair and his painful expression, she bid him a hopeful smile (not a goodbye; she was too scared to say goodbye) before she ran off to find Youichi in the midst of the chaos outside.

The feeling of her fingers slipping away; the sight of her turning away; the sound of her footsteps moving further and further away…

Taking a deep breath, reigning in his fear and anguish, Natsume let logic lead his following actions.

He thundered up the stairs, fumbled around in their room before he found his gun, to then rush back down the stairs with it clutched in his palms. Then, Natsume headed straight for the storage room, just as Mikan had instructed him to. The storage room was large and cool, and there, he saw Anna struggling with the inconspicuous trapdoor that led to the bomb shelter underneath.

"Here, let me," Natsume offered, and before she could respond, he had already heaved the trapdoor open. Anna nodded in thanks then clambered down inside and turned the small lamp on; a small lamp that hung alone in the spacious bunker. The light was not bright enough to illuminate every single corner, nook or cranny.

Down in the bunker, it was musty, damp and cold, but as Natsume eyes fleeted quickly between the shelves, he inspected that Mikan had stored thick, woollen blankets alongside jars, tins and cans of emergency food. Five small stools were congregated at the other end of the bunker around a barren table. A small radio sat in the corner. There was water too. With such amount of sustenance, they (including Youichi) could last around two weeks, he calculated. There was no way this could be a permanent hideout however; there was no toilet, and he feared that the dampness would make someone sick. Not to mention, the lack of fresh air, sunshine and space would surely drive any one of them insane—

His pragmatic calculations halted when his eyes fell upon Anna. She was still shaking as she clawed her cheeks with her fingernails, whilst her eyes wavered and flickered on the entrance of the bunker. Emotional empathy pushed away rationality; as kindly as he could, Natsume called, "Umenomiya-san." She whipped her neck to look at him. "It's alright. Here, sit here."

But just before he could guide her to a stool, a scream nearby stopped Natsume's breath.

"No, stop it! Let me go, let me go!" The voice screamed again.

His whole world stopped spinning. His world stilled in the universe, floating, meaningless, evil—

"_Please, no!_"

There was no doubt; it was Mikan's voice. It was coming from upstairs, in her very home.

Instinctively, with a possessed and ferocious speed, Natsume sprinted back up, out of the storage room, down the corridor and left towards the entrance hall, following her cries, his heart pounding, blood thudding ceaselessly in his ears—

But then, his blood froze.

Mikan was there, pushed against the cold, stone floor, struggling as a soldier pinned her down with his heavy, dirty army boots. He was crushing her shoulder, and all Mikan could do was wriggle there on the floor like an insect, as she squealed like an animal in a slaughterhouse.

Despite having his back faced to him, when the soldier spoke, Natsume knew exactly, _exactly_ who this man was.

"You didn't think I was going to let you go, did you?" Lieutenant Reo Mouri jeered in a leering voice, before he grinded his foot harder and deeper into Mikan's shoulder (she wailed, then howled), "Surely not a pretty little whore like you?"

And suddenly, it was like being in the Red Room again. All Natsume could see was red. But it was not the pure red that invigorated and nourished his soul; his world was now dyed a deep, dark, hateful red – his world was bloody, gruesome and gushing as unadulterated rage, absolute hatred and bloodthirst poisoned his body, soul, mind and heart. He had never wanted to kill, to _destroy_ anyone as he did now; an ecstatic desire to maim, rip and murder demonically possessed him. Yet, with as much control as he could muster, he steadily pointed the gun at the back of Reo Mouri's head.

"Get the fuck off her, Mouri." He commanded as he cocked his gun warningly.

Reo Mouri halted; his sneering laughs stopped and he stopped pushing his foot into the woman's back. Disbelief, fear and incredulity suspended him momentarily. Not only did he not notice someone's presence behind him but more pressingly, he knew that voice… he knew that cold, demanding, arrogant voice—but _no, it can't be_—

He fearfully turned his neck to look behind him, and when he saw those crimson eyes Reo felt winded. Goosebumps pricked the back of his neck and cold sweat erupted as he sharply inhaled, horrified. The woman was long forgotten now; all Reo could see and focus on was this _ghost _that was standing before him, with a ferociously infernal stare, pointing a gun straight at his head.

"No… no… you're dead—"

"_YOU_ will be if you don't get your fucking foot off her!" Natsume roared with a snarl, forcefully and painfully pressing the nozzle of the gun into Reo's forehead. "_Get off of her!_"

With his hands up, Reo complied, following his superior's orders; as if an electric shock propelled him, he impulsively jumped and his quivering legs took a few panicked steps back, away from the woman. His shaking gaze remained on _the ghost_. His mind was racing.

How… what… what was Major General Hyuuga doing here in this Alicean home?! He was absolutely certain that he was pronounced dead over half a year ago—

His mind was churning and turning so fast, and he was so engrossed in his thoughts that he failed to notice the appearance of someone else, a woman… Anna.

Gripping a frying pan as a weapon, Anna had bravely ventured out the shelter in order to help Romi.

"Now," Natsume continued, his voice cold and collected once more, "leave this house and don't come back. That's an order."

"M-Major General Hyuuga—"

"_What part of fuck off, don't you understand you stupid son of a bitch!_" As if to make his point clearer, Natsume fired a shot; the bullet whizzed loudly and punctured Mikan's floor, right by Reo's foot. The result was immediate: the sound of the shot ripped Reo away from his dazed incredulity as his survival instincts kicked in; he scrambled out of the house, petrified.

_But ghosts can't fire bullets…_

Natsume did not drop his gun until Reo's completely faded from view. Then, fear replaced fury as he descended upon Mikan and helped her up, "Mikan," he stroked her cheeks, wiped away her tears and patted down her hair all in a matter of seconds, "Mikan... oh, Mikan…"

Looking up at him, her lips trembled before her whole face crumbled and she sobbed loudly against his chest. She clutched him as Natsume held her there, his arms around her body, his heart beating erratically. He had never been more terrified in his life—

Mikan hands clawed against his chest as she raised her head to look at him in the face. Her face that had been pressed into the floor was red and tears fell thickly on her blotchy face as she frantically cried, "Natsume, he saw you! He recognised you! We have to go, we have to hide—"

"...Major General Hyuuga?" Anna's small, hollow voice interrupted Mikan. "… Major General _Natsume _Hyuuga?"

They both turned to look at Anna, whose grip on the pan had completely dissipated. Her arms were limp and her eyes unblinking. She looked confused, sceptical, disbelieving but above all, scared. The pan noisily clattered against the floor before silence fell.

"... You're Major General Natsume Hyuuga?"

_She knows. She knows_.

Natsume's heart pounded, then sunk and his hands started to quiver before he tightened his hold on Mikan—_no, no_, he would not let her go—(he was not the same person as before!)—yet the tighter the held Mikan against him, the more helplessness set in his heart. With every passing second, he could see realisation dawn on Anna, as her features contorted gradually from fear to abhorrence.

_This man is not Romi. This man is not an Alicean soldier. He's not Alicean at all. He's a Z soldier. Not just any old soldier but_—

"Mikan!" Anna suddenly shrieked. "Mikan, get away from him!"

"Anna," Mikan calmly replied, raising her arms with hopes to subdue the revolted and loathing looks that now took hold of her friend's face, "don't worry. It's fine! I've known all along that Natsume is a Z soldier. But he's not our enemy—"

"A Z soldier?!" Anna seethed with horrified antipathy and incredulity. Thinking only of her (one and only remaining) friend's safety, Anna forcefully grabbed Mikan and wrenched her away from that deceitful, treacherous and lying murderer. She ignored their cries of protests, and loudly spoke over them, with her finger pointing directly at Natsume's face, "This monster is not a soldier! He's the _Major General_ responsible for the genocide in the East! He's the one who reduced Umimachi to a wasteland!"

The sounds of the bombs and screams outside faded away and then, noise vanished and Mikan's ears could only hear a ringing silence… a different battle was to take place here, in her very house and in the confines of her very heart.

She felt dizzy—she did not immediately understand Anna's words; it was as if Anna had spoken a foreign language. Her brain could not process this information speedily; her heart, however, did. Her heart understood Anna's accusations perfectly well, and so, her heart completely broke. A sinking panic coursed through her as the man in front of her suddenly transformed into an absolute stranger.

She could not speak, but she beseechingly gazed at Natsume, silently begging him to contradict Anna's words.

He did not. His head only lowered in shame and remorse.

Tears clouded her vision and her heart throbbed and clenched with pangs of betrayal. From lover to stranger… now, he transformed hideously into the enemy before her very eyes.

Then, screaming, Anna lunged at Natsume and grabbed him by the collar. She yanked hard so that he his eyeline was level with her's, bellowing fiercely straight in his face, making his blood curdle, "_You monster! You monster!_ _How dare you! How did you face me everyday! How did you sleep at night, you murderer!" _

Frozen and devastated, Mikan just watched as Anna started to pound her fists against Natsume. Submissively, Natsume let her, his head bowing lower with every passing second.

Anna forced him to look at her, "_Look at me! Look into my eyes!" _He did; her blue eyes were burning, and her hands tightened against his collar. "Do you know how I escaped from your rotten concentration camp? _Do you?!_ I _crawled like an insect _through the sewers, through _shit_ just to _escape! _And I would do it again! I would do that a thousand times if it meant I never had to go back there! You and your country _destroyed me! I tried to kill myself because of you!_"

She then violently shook him, as if he were the iron bars to her cage, all whilst she loudly screeched like an animal, desperate to be freed.

"Anna!" Mikan pleaded, grasping her friend's shoulder. "You'll hurt yourself! Stop it!"

Anna didn't stop—her actions and screams only intensified. "Where is she?! _Where is she?! Where is Nonoko?! What did you do to her?!_ _Tell me! TELL ME!"_

"I-I don't know, I don't know!" Natsume bawled, quaking like a scared child.

"Lies! Lies! All you Zs are liars! I know she was arrested under your orders! Did you think I could possibly forget a single detail about her arrest?! Where is Nonoko? _WHERE IS SHE?!_" With her last ringing question, she slammed her body weight against him in an effort to make him speak.

"S-She'll be in a high security detainment centre! I don't know the exact details, I swear! Nonoko Ogasawara was considered a high-risk liability because of her—"

"SHE'S BARELY AN ADULT! She's no liability—she's my baby cousin!" Anna savagely interrupted him, and this time, when her body crashed against Natsume's, the sheer force of her body-slam caused Natsume to lose his grip on his gun. It clanged and clanked as it hit the floor, but Anna hardly noticed as she kept screaming, "Is she alive? _Is she?!_"

"I don't know! I don't know!"

"You know _nothing_, you monster!"

Desperately, Natsume turned to look up at Mikan, but as soon as he did, he wished he hadn't. Her eyes were no longer soft for him. She was looking at him as if he were a complete and utter stranger… no, her eyes were not indifferent as a stranger's might be. No; she was looking at him as if he were a foe.

He wanted to cry; he did cry. "Mikan, please—"

"Don't you _dare _appeal to Mikan! Don't you dare! Don't look at her! Stop it! Y-You… you liar! You exploited her kindness and her hospitality! You leech, you—"

The front door slammed open; for the briefest moment, all three feared the return of the Z, but what materialised before them was far, far worse. Carried by a pale, gasping Subaru, a rugged, panting Tsubasa and a wheezing bespectacled blonde man was Youichi. Youichi was screeching like a dying bird, his legs kicking violently in the air. Blood was gushing fast and thick, and the horrified realisation set in once Natsume saw where the blood was spilling and pouring out from.

Half of Youichi's left arm was gone.

"YOU-CHAN!" Mikan cried, pushing past the petrified Anna and Natsume, who were rooted, wide-eyed and terrified to their spot. She examined him, cradling his ashy face. "Shhh, it's okay, it's okay—" She looked up at Subaru, tears in her eyes (everything was not okay; nothing was okay), "What happened—what happened to him!"

"I need to get operate on him now!" Subaru quickly answered, "Your bunker—"

"We need opium! We need opium!" Tsubasa chanted.

"We need to get down to your bunker, Mikan!" Subaru continued, "They've come for the men. We need to all hide, and I can operate on Youichi down there!"

Another bomb reverberated through Hoshikuzu.

"Go, go, go!" Tsubasa urged, his firm on Youichi's torso still tight. "The fighting hasn't ended!"

"This way!" Anna determinedly led the way, her momentary panic, shock and trauma subsiding. "Come on!"

"We need to clean the blood!" The blonde man cried. "It's leaving a trail!"

"I'll do it," Mikan said, "I'll clean it up. Now go! Follow Anna!" When Youichi screamed again, Mikan loudly called after him, "It's going to be okay, You-chan! Don't worry! I'm here, I'm here! It's all going to be okay!" but when they turned the corner, in the direction of the storage room, Mikan's whole body cripplingly slumped down to the floor and silently, heavily she sobbed. She was curled up, with her upper body pressed tightly against her legs. Her whole body shook as she cried. A guttural howl ripped through her body.

"Mikan," Natsume descended by her side, and his hands clasped her shoulders "Mikan—"

"Don't touch me, please. Don't." she begged wretchedly.

He obeyed and fell back on sit down beside her. He buried his face against his knees. "I'm so sorry…" he wept, "I'm so sorry, Mikan… forgive me, forgive me…"

Together, side by side, they cried.

Outside, more screams and blasts shook the town.

"Why didn't you tell me… why didn't you…" her quiet but desperate question was partially subdued by her watery sobs.

"I-I didn't know how." He choked back. "I wanted you to love me."

She hit her head against her knees in complete and utter desolation and resignation. She felt like crying blood and her heart felt like pumping tears. "Why…"

"Forgive me, Mikan, forgive me…"

"…How many people died under your orders?"

"Forgive me, Mikan..."

His evasive answer told her everything she needed to know. She cried harder at the implication. But then, with a dry, rasping wheeze, she lifted her head up with surprising resolve and willpower. She crawled on the floor, her arms outstretched forwards, to the trail of blood. There was not much (most of Youichi's blood had splattered on the three men), and with her very sleeves, Mikan wiped the floors as she wept. The blood was warm.

"I'll do it, I'll do it—"

"No. You've got enough blood on your hands."

With her sleeves, she mopped up all the blood; soon enough, her robe was soaked red. The sight of her cleaning Youichi's blood as she cried broke what was remaining of Natsume's heart.

"Stop it, Mikan, please…"

She didn't stop. Only when she had finished did she turn back to look at him in the face. Her face was smeared red, and her eyes were swollen, yet she resolutely held her gaze upon him.

"I'm going down to the bunker."

He nodded, understanding that she was not inviting him to go down with her.

"I'll stay up here," Natsume quickly offered, "I'll stay up here just in case someone comes—"

"Do whatever you want." Again, her meaning was explicit by the tone of her voice: _If you want, leave. Leave. _

"I'll stay here," Natsume resolutely cried, almost like a petulant child, "I'm going to stay here."

She looked as if she didn't believe him. Shakily, she stood up and walked away, but not before looking back (just once, just before she turned the corner) to look at him. She regarded him for a good ten seconds, without saying anything. Then, silently, she looked away and turned the corner, out of Natsume's sight.

He had wanted to call after her, of course. He had wanted to reaffirm everything to her. But guilt, self-loathing and absolute devastation silenced both Natsume's voice and his very spirit.

* * *

Hours later, in the damp, dark bunker, Youichi was finally asleep. Subaru had operated on him on the table, as best he could in their condition.

Mikan sat on a stool as she stroked Youichi's hair as she all but murmured a soft tune. She couldn't bring herself to look at Youichi's bandaged arm yet. She didn't want to accept that Youichi's arm, from elbow down, was not there anymore. She could still hear his screams, tears and shrieks of agony, and a part of her was prepared for the screams to start again. Her mind was blank now—exhaustion, shock and absolute disbelief wiped clean any lucidity or coherence. Dimly, in the back of her mind, a voice whispered, 'In the cold ground we lay, my grave sweeter than my bed…'

"Mikan…" Tsubasa voice suddenly interrupted her numb reverie, "stop singing that. Please."

Without even realizing, she had been singing, 'In the cold ground we lay, my grave sweeter than my bed' out-loud, to a familiar tune. She blinked. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

She suddenly felt a warm hand grip her shoulder comfortingly. She looked up to see Anna standing beside her, quite like a guardian.

"How did this happen to Youichi?" Anna bravely asked, terrified of the answer.

"A bomb hit the orphanage." The blonde man answered, his voice grave. "I was evacuating the staff and Youichi insisted going back for his bear."

Emotion crept back into Mikan's heart when she recalled Youichi's brown teddy bear. He loved that bear. "Did he manage to retrieve his bear?"

"No."

The futility of his heartfelt and wholesome action depressed everyone.

"Are you Tobita Yuu?" Anna asked.

"Yes, I am."

"Youichi speaks about you a lot. He says you're nice and that you tuck him into bed."

"What happened to the rest of the staff?" Tsubasa asked.

"I don't know. With any luck, they all made it to the evacuation point."

Tsubasa heavily sat down on the stool beside Mikan. "Fucking Z bastards. Bombing an orphanage. Fucking murdering scum bastards."

Mikan felt hollow; Natsume was just another murdering Z bastard. Youichi's left hand was gone. Natsume was a Z Major General. Youichi will never have a left hand again. Natsume was responsible for the destruction of Anna's life. Youichi's life will never be the same again—

Then, very abruptly, Mikan stood up, knocking over her stool. She had no intention to cause such a ruckus (especially when Youichi had only finally fallen asleep), but suddenly she had no control over her body. As if she were possessed, she was fretting around, gasping for breath, and her vision was covered in black dots that spurted spontaneously and fleetingly.

"She's having a panic attack!" Subaru cried. "Tsubasa, hold her!"

Tsubasa complied and gathered the juddering Mikan into his arms. "Shhh, it's okay, Mikan. It's okay." He held as she choked for breath, trembling.

Pain brought her senses back. "Ow, ow, ow!" She whined, pushing Tsubasa away. Instinctively, she clutched her upper back.

"What's wrong?"

Anna gasped in realization—how could she forget?! "That Z soldier! He was crushing you with his foot!"

"_What!_"

"Ow, ow, ow…" Mikan whimpered, as she sat down, gritting her teeth together.

"Mikan, let me see—"

"It's fine, Subaru. It's just a bad bruise; there's no cut."

"What Z soldier?!" Tsubasa demanded, his eyes blazing.

"A soldier came into the house." Anna said when Mikan remained silent. "He had Mikan against the floor, and…" Her voice trailed off.

"Did Romi save you?" Tsubasa asked.

They didn't say anything.

As much as Anna hated Natsume, as much as she wanted to see him suffer, she knew very well that he had saved Mikan's life. A large part of her wanted to expose him for the murdering rat he truly was, but when she regarded the brute anger that marred Tsubasa's face, she couldn't bring herself to do so. She did not want any more blood to be spilt.

Natsume identity was Mikan's confession to make; not hers.

Finally, Anna said, "Yes. He saved Mikan." From the corner of her eye, she saw Mikan bury her face in her hands to cry.

A silence ensued.

Pragmatically, Subaru noted, "There's a radio down here and we have enough food to last a week. We can ration it carefully."

"We can't stay down here. Especially Youichi." Yuu countered. "It's not practical."

"And going up, where men, women and children are being blown up _is _practical?" Tsubasa scoffed.

"Well, we can't stay here like rats." Yuu countered back. "Youichi's arm will get infected—"

"Stop it, the two of you," Anna snapped sharply, "don't make this situation worse than it already is by arguing."

"It's seven o'clock," Subaru pronounced, "it might be optimistic of me, but I think the fighting has ceased for now."

"Check the radio," Tsubasa suggested.

"Mikan, why don't you call Romi down?" Subaru suggested. "He doesn't need to keep watch anymore. It's much safer down here."

She didn't reply.

Anna, concerned, piped up, "I'll go call him—"

"No." Mikan stood up, resolutely. "I'll go."

And so, Mikan ascended; she climbed up and returned to ground level. From what she saw, it seemed that her house was still intact. The sun had set, and bombs were no longer puncturing the sky. The deafening sounds of defeat and annihilation rang throughout the Alicean horizon.

Silently, she walked down the corridor.

Her heart was throbbing and pounding uncontrollably. She was terrified to turn the corner… she wasn't terrified at the prospect of finding Z soldiers around the corner… she was terrified at the thought that she would turn the corner, and Natsume wouldn't be there.

Her heart thudded at the thought of Natsume's departure. She hadn't even said goodbye to him… and what if _that_ was the last she ever saw of him, ever…

She turned the corner.

She exhaled; Natsume was still there, sat on the floor, his head hung low. Relief washed over her before hurt returned.

He heard her footsteps. He turned around. Relief washed over him before remorse returned. "Mikan…" he all but breathed, "you… Youichi, is he—are you—are you all alright?"

She nodded. Then, in a quiet voice she said, "Natsume, you need to leave."

His eyes closed dejectedly, and his head desperately shook. "Mikan, please…"

"They've seen you. By now, that soldier would have informed others. By staying here, you're putting yourself and all our lives in more danger."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

She didn't answer.

He continued, understanding her silence. "I need to stay and protect you."

To Natsume's surprise Mikan sat down next to him, and his heart swelled with hope when she rested her head against his shoulders. Without missing a beat, he held her head in place as he kissed her forehead over and over.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes." She replied, her voice small and shaky.

"Did he hurt you?"

"Yes, but I'm alright." He kissed her forehead again and again.

"And Youichi?"

"He's lost his left arm from elbow down."

Natsume's kisses ceased at that. His breathing momentarily halted; he felt winded, and he instinctively covered his eyes with his hand. Before he could control his emotions, tears were leaking out of his eyes. Then, he felt Mikan's hands cradling the back of his head.

"I wasn't kidding when I said you have to leave, Natsume." Her voice was soft. "It's what's best for all of us."

"Mikan—"

"No, Natsume. No. That man saw you and knew exactly who you were. I'm sure he remembers my face too. You have to leave." He didn't say anything. "… I know that deep down you're well aware that what I'm saying is correct; it's the best solution for us all."

"I don't want to leave you."

"Even if you don't want to, you need to." Mikan held him tighter. "I don't want you to give me up either."

"I would never—"

"Right now, you need to." Mikan said. "You can't stay with me anymore. I need to be with Anna, and she can't accept you… and… and right now, I can't confidently and faithfully say that I accept you either. I… the war has taken over my mind. I… I do love you. I do." She was sincere, "I love you. But right now, that's not enough."

He cried against her, and she held him and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Natsume. I do."

If he had know that today would be their last day, he would loved her more last night. He would have told her everything; he would have listed all the things he loved about her. He couldn't believe they were ending, so abruptly, so painfully, so tearfully…

"I'll leave tonight." Natsume finally consented, and when he did, Mikan's had to stop herself from bursting into tears. "I'll go tonight. But Mikan," he pulled away from her, so to look steadily in her eyes, "when this war is over, I'll come back for you. I'll come back to marry you."

"What if it never ends?"

"It will end." His tone was certain. "It will. And when it does, I'll come back here, and I'll marry you."

She solemnly nodded, accepting. "Come back to me."

"I'll come back, I promise." But the more he promised, the more they felt that this was all just wishful thinking. The more he said it, the more unlikely it became, and so to combat this fear, he just said it more. The dream of their reunion felt was slipping away from their very fingers. "I'll come back, I promise." (After saying it so many times, he wasn't sure if he were saying the words to her, or to himself.)

"Mikan, listen to me." He cleared his throat. "I know what Z are planning. When you found me in the marshlands, I was in charge of my platoon and our mission was to gain ground in Hoshikuzu. Our mission was to create a base in Hoshikuzu. My mission failed. But I think I'm correct in saying that Z is planning to takeover Central, and they won't be able to without creating a strong base here in Hoshikuzu first. Today's attack will continue until they have full control of the area. I told you that I would leave tonight, and I will, but you also have to leave tonight."

"What—"

"It's too dangerous to stay here. You won't survive down in the bunker; I saw it. It's impossible. And, like you said, Reo saw your face. I don't know what he thinks, but I can guess that my superiors will think that you detained me here to extract information. They may return here tomorrow with more men to search the house. Even without the bombs, that alone is too risky. You need to leave Hoshikuzu. Go west—go somewhere remote—the countryside is your safest option. Promise me you'll leave tonight. You can't stay here. I won't go unless you promise me this. I won't leave you here."

"I will, I promise."

He nodded, satisfied, but still apprehensive. He continued, "When I go, I'll cause enough commotion so that the soldiers' attention will be far from here. Exactly twenty minutes after I go, you need leave this place. Soldiers always patrol roads, so make your way straight towards the forest. Don't walk in the open—try to stay in the woods for as long as you can. You must all wear black. I know that you must all be tired, but tonight, you must not stop. You need to get away from here as fast you can."

His sharp and clear instructions only reminded her that this man really was a soldier; not just a soldier, but a commander. He really was Major General Natsume Hyuuga. She pushed the thought away. She needed to concentrate on his plan.

She watched him rummage through a pile beside him; she quickly saw that it was his Z uniform. He must have retrieved it at some point. Out from his pockets, he pulled out the last thing she expected to see: money.

"Take this money."

She didn't know exactly why, but the sight of his money disgusted her. Immediately, she felt cheapened and hurt. She couldn't exactly articulate her emotion, but her conflicted expression told Natsume enough.

"Mikan… I'm not paying you for… You know it's not like that. Mikan," he pleaded, "please. There are six of you. You'll need money at some point in your journey, be it for food or shelter or travel. That's what this money's for, nothing else."

Slowly, she took the money. It felt dirty in her hands. Money usually signaled a transaction, a payment… the conclusion of a deal.

Desperate to reassure her, he held her face softly in his hands. His thumbs stroked her cheeks and wiped away the traces of blood and grime. "As soon as this war is over, come back here. Come here to your home, and you'll find me here waiting for you. _As soon as the war ends_. Alright?" She nodded. "Promise me you'll be safe. Be safe and come back here. I'll be here, waiting, I promise. Alright?"

"I promise, I promise." She hugged him, nodding vigorously, but a very dark, very small, very scary voice whispered cruel things in her head: _he won't come back to find you. He doesn't actually love you. He just used you. He'll go back to his life in Whitehalll as soon as the war is over. He won't come back to you. You're nothing to him. You're just his Alicean whore. _

"If you ever feel doubt," it was as if he were reading her mind, "if you ever feel _any _doubt, Mikan, hold the Stone. Hold the Stone tightly in your hands. When you hold it, you'll be holding a part of me, understand?"

She was crying now; she was shaking as she sobbed: this really was goodbye. He held her tighter, desperate to still her, desperate to reassure her. He wanted to give her so much more than these words; he wanted to give her the _world_.

"Don't forget me, please don't forget me." Mikan wept, clutching him.

He rocked her, stroking her hair. "Mikan, I could never forget you. I love you."

"Please be here when the war ends. Please don't die. Don't die…"

He kissed her; then with his lips still on hers, he vowed, "I won't die."

She stayed in his arms until her cries subsided. She swallowed, desperate to regain composure. As steadily as she could, she asked, "Do you have a knife on you?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Give me the knife."

Apprehensively, he produced a pocketknife from his uniform. He gave it to her but kept a careful eye on her hands. He watched as she pulled a strand of her hair taunt; she snipped three inches off her hair.

"I'm scared that the war will continue for years, and in two years time, you'll wake up and wonder if I'm even real. I'm scared that one day you'll think I was only just a dream. Here," she put the strand of her hair in his hand, "I'm sorry; I don't have anything else to give you. You'll only have this to remember me by."

"Mikan, I'll have all our memories to remember you by—"

"Memories fade, Natsume. You know this better than I do. My hair may last longer than memories… so take it. Maybe one day you'll need reassurance."

He nodded and stowed it safely away in the pocket that used to hold his Stone.

Goodbye was upon them.

As he changed into his Z army uniform, Natsume reiterated the plan to her—twenty minutes after he departs, they must leave, go to the woods and escape. She confirmed to him that twenty minutes was enough to get everybody ready and everything gathered for their escape. She understood all the steps, and she watched him as he buttoned up his uniform. It was disconcerting to see Natsume in uniform; she knew it was him but the uniform's effect was undeniable. It obscured him; the sharp and sinister uniform obscured the man she loved. She was unsure whether she could kiss him whilst he was dressed like that.

"Remember: after the war, come back here."

Uniform be damned—he was still the same man! She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately, knowing deep down that this may well be their very last kiss. "I love you," she murmured against his lips, "I love you."

"Remember: _here_."

"Yes, here. After the war."

"And then we'll get married."

"Yes."

He kissed her. "I love you."

"Goodbye, Natsume."

"I'll be seeing you."

_I'll be seein' you…  
My love and friend,  
In that same old place  
Where we used to embrace…  
I'll be seein' you,  
Even when it all ends…_

* * *

It was quieter than he thought it would be on the streets. He hadn't come across any Z patrols yet. This eased his mind—Mikan and rest of them will be able to leave Hoshikuzu safely and completely unnoticed at this rate. Good. This was better than he could have hoped for.

Twenty minutes had nearly passed. Soon, Mikan would be leaving hers.

Ideally, he would come across some patrols in the next minute or two. That way, all the attention would be focused on him, far away from her house. He held his gun tightly in his grasp.

Not thirty seconds later, he spotted two Z soldiers lurking in the distance. They saw him just as quickly—"You there! Halt!"

Natsume knew that voice. He obeyed; he stopped, waiting for them to approach.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Officer Cadet Rui Amane leered, in a sing-song voice. He nudged his partner jovially. "Yakumo, can you believe the nerve of this Alicean brute? Walking in the night, carefree, as if we haven't just bombed the shit out of his stupid town—"

"Is that the way to speak to a Major General, Amane?" Natsume's voice was cold, hard and absolutely unforgiving. This was his voice—this was his Major General voice. This used to be his only voice until he met Mikan.

Yakumo was injured; half of his face was covered in bandages, so Natsume could not gauge his reaction. Amane, on the other hand, paled and gaped like a fish out of water as he recognised both Natsume's voice and face. "M-Major General Hyuuga! I-I… Sir, you're alive!"

"Clearly." He had forgotten how curt his 'Major General' voice was.

"I-I… Please forgive me for talking to you like that, Sir! Never in my wildest dreams did I expect—"

Uncaringly, Natsume interrupted him. "Take me to the closest headquarters. Lead me there now."

"Yes, Major General!"

The wind billowed loudly as the two Cadets led Natsume to Z headquarters. He felt the shift within himself just as he felt the wind. He could feel it in his bones: he was returning, regressing back into a monster… he conjured Mikan's face in his mind and thought desperately of her hair that sat close to his heart. Despite all the hurt that plagued his soul and his desperate desire to turn around to run back to Mikan, he maintained a perfectly stoic face. After all, he couldn't possibly let the illusion of Major General Natsume Hyuuga dissipate; not now, when reputation was _everything _in an army.

As he walked on, he bid a silent goodbye to Romi.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow, this was a MONSTER chapter. It's so long; I'm sorry if you're all square-eyed now. I'll keep the Author's Note brief.

So, yeah. Shit went down. The lovers are now apart. Do you think they will ever see each other again? Do you think they will keep all the promises they made to each other? Do you think only one will keep the promises – if so, who? Will Mikan return to her house, or will Natsume? Or both? Or neither? Will one of them die during the war and the other wait for them hopelessly, desolate after the war?

This chapter concludes the first arc of this story. The next arc will focus on Natsume's military ventures and Mikan &amp; co.'s escape to the countryside.

Stay tuned!


	16. Headquarters

**A/N**: I don't own Alice Gakuen

**Headquarters**

* * *

Headquarters was abuzz; men left, right and centre were running up and down the halls, passing words quickly, enthused and excited, talking of resurrection and miracles.

"Did you hear, Megane? That bastard Reo was telling the truth!"

"Where the hell was he all this time?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?"

"I thought he was dead!"

"No shit—we _all _did, you bleedin' idiot."

"This is messed up, man. I'm tellin' ya, something's not right. Dead men aren't supposed to pop out the ground like daisies. They're supposed to stay dead. I'm tellin' ya, this is some Alicean voodoo shit. The quicker they deal with him, the better."

"There'll definitely be a questioning, no doubt. Might even go as far as a trial, I hear…"

Brigadier Luca Nogi pushed past a cluster of gossiping men. They all nodded apologetically to him, but he preserved without slowing down. His heart was pounding—were the rumours true? Was there any truth in all this electric chatter? Could Natsume really be alive? He had been eating alone when a panting Mochu burst through the doors and breathlessly informed him that, according to others, Natsume was alive, _here_, in the interrogation chambers. Wordlessly and immediately, he shot outside straight to the chambers, abandoning his food, and now, he zipped up the stairs, two, sometimes three steps at a time, and turned a sharp left straight towards the questioning rooms. He was chasing rumours, chasing hope—

His breath caught in his throat; he stopped.

There, only a few steps away, stood a man. His face was turned the other direction, but Luca recognized those shoulders and he knew that shade of black well. Only Natsume and Aoi had hair so black like midnight.

It was really was him.

"Natsume!" His voice was imbued with emotion.

Natsume instantly responded to this call. His head whipped back towards the source, and Luca nearly cried when he saw those familiar dark eyes. Natsume's eyes were widened in disbelief but soon softened in recognition before crumpling with emotion. He stepped forward first.

"Luca—"

They both moved towards each other, smiling and laughing incredulously, but as soon as they clutched each other, instantaneously and simultaneously, they started to cry. Luca pressed his eyes against Natsume's shoulder, and Natsume clapped Luca's back rhythmically.

"I knew you were alive. I knew it!" Luca said, through sobs and laughs. "I knew you weren't dead! I knew it!"

"I'm sorry, Luca, I'm so sorry." He tightened his hold on his friend, feeling as if he was hugging the essence of youth itself. Here was his best friend—his _brother_ that had been with him for as long as he could remember. He swallowed the lump in his throat, clearing it. "Are you okay? Is everyone okay?"

By 'okay' Natsume meant 'alive' and Luca understood him well. He nodded, passionately and poignantly. "Don't worry. Everyone's okay. Your family is okay."

Luca clutched his shoulders and pushed his best friend so that he could see his face. He looked well. When Luca had heard Natsume had returned from the dead, he had assumed that Natsume must have escaped from an Alicean Prisoner-of-War camp. But now, looking at his best friend, he knew this to be impossible. He was not emancipated as other escapees had been. His eyes were clear and ardent.

"Where have you been, Natsume? Where were you?"

"I'm sorry, Luca." Natsume was sincere. Seeing his best friend made him see his time 'away' with a different perspective. Luca, his other friends and his _family_ really thought he was dead. They were _crying_. They thought he no longer existed when in fact he was more than okay, more than alive… They probably all thought of his death every day, feeling the burden of his missing corpse on their backs.

"Major General?" a soldier's voice called from behind. "General Persona is ready to see you now."

Inclining his head slightly in his direction, Natsume answered. "I'm coming." Then, he turned back to his best friend. "We'll speak after, alright?"

"Come to Narumi's bunker." Luca said, quietly so that the guard couldn't hear. "Same place. I'll gather the others."

Natsume nodded. He patted Luca's arms before he stepped back. "I'm glad that you look well."

* * *

General Persona was exactly how Natsume remembered him. Tall, lanky and pale. There was a greyish, purplish tinge to his skin, especially under his eyes. He was chilling and cruel, and all the malice in his nature showed plainly on his face. He was sat at his desk, looking meticulously at his files, ignoring Natsume who sat in front of him.

In the tense silence, Natsume knew he was being tested. Persona was waiting for Natsume to crack. He was waiting for Natsume to burst, to say something to break this intolerable silence.

Natsume breathed steadily and focused on the image of Mikan to pass the time.

The clock ticked onwards unceasingly.

Finally, Persona spoke. "So," his cold eyes flickered up to Natsume, "I'll cut to the chase, Major General. Where have you been?"

"I—"

"And don't lie to me," Persona averted his eyes from Natsume and uncaringly continued to look through his files, "I don't care for lies. Just tell me where you were and explain to me why you weren't here carrying out your duties. Depending on your answer, you may or may not be treated as a deserter."

"I did not desert my post, General. I did not abandon Z."

"That brute, Lieutenant Mouri claims he found you in an Alicean home. He also claims you nearly _killed_ him whilst protecting an Alicean prostitute." Natsume kept his face impassive. "So I suppose my question is quite simple, really." Finally, he looked back up, and in casually cruel voice, he inquired, "What were you doing in this Alicean home?"

"General—"

"I hope you do know that leaving your post to go fuck Alicean whores is the same as desertion. If you meant to simply bide your time, waiting for the war to end at a brothel, you'll find that we don't condone that."

"General—"

"I'm going to light to a cigarette." Persona stoically announced, picking up his silver cigarette case. "Whilst I'm smoking, I won't say a word. You must convince me that did not desert your post whilst I smoke. If you haven't by the end of my cigarette, then I'm afraid I'll have to ship you off North for a trial." He popped his case open and picked out a cigarette. The matches were closer to Natsume, and so he passed them to Persona. "Thank you, Major General." He lit the cigarette and the smoke erupted. "You have approximately five minutes. Go on."

"General. My mission six months ago failed. I failed to gain ground in Hoshikuzu, but more importantly, I was a bad leader to my comrades. I failed them and I failed Z. We were ambushed and I was shot in the marshlands; I still have the scars on my abdomen as proof – the doctors can testify this. I was also shot in the leg. The pain and bleeding knocked me unconscious, and the next morning I found myself in the field, surrounded by dead men. My men and also Alicean soldiers littered the marshlands. I can only presume that I looked dead to the enemy, lying in the grass, in a pool of blood. When I woke, however, I could see that a small group of Aliceans was approaching in the far distance. I was uphill so I had the visual advantage. I knew that the men would arrest me, interrogate me and kill me once they saw my uniform. A few steps from where I lay, a dead Alicean soldier lay. I figured that if I donned his uniform on top of mine, I could pretend to be a wounded Alicean soldier. Quickly, I enacted my plan – I stuffed the dead Alicean whose uniform I stole under a mass of dead bodies for cover and hid my own uniform underneath. This man was larger than me; it looked natural enough. When the group Aliceans approached, however, I realized they were not part of the army. They were civilians; a family. They saw me, understood that I was wounded and offered help. The woman Lieutenant Mouri saw was a member of this family. They took me in, and I gave them a fake back-story. I told them that I was an Alicean soldier, desperate to return home, wishing to desert. They were sympathetic. They told me that I could stay at theirs until I recovered, promising that they would conceal me from the Alicean authority."

General Persona's stoic expression remained; there was no indication to whether he believed or disbelieved Natsume's fake narrative so far. He smoked blankly, almost as if he were bored.

"With no doctor and no proper medical care, it took a long time for my wounds to recover. Within that time, I decided that my best opportunity to return to Z headquarters would be during the next invasion. I was confident that you would order another invasion, the next Major General learning from my mistakes."

His cigarette was not finished, but Persona spoke. "Was it so important for you to keep this cover? Why did you not just return here when you recovered?"

"Alicean patrols on the streets prevented me from leaving. There were checkpoints. Even if I dressed as an Alicean soldier, I didn't have papers."

"So you bided your time comfortably in an enemy home, relying on your supreme confidence that one day, sooner or later, another invasion would come?" Persona did not sound impressed.

"If they arrested me, they would have interrogated me. I am not afraid to die, General, but I cannot sincerely say that I would not have given vital and confidential information to the Aliceans if I were being tortured. As a Major General, this was a risk I could not possibly take."

Persona inhaled deeply and stubbed his cigarette out. Natsume's heart silently quickened; he was nervous.

"In his statement," Persona's lofty voice came, "Lieutenant Mouri stated that you fired a shot at him. Would you not say that this is the behaviour constitutes as treachery? Shooting at a fellow comrade, protecting an enemy?"

"He was crushing an innocent civilian. By the manner in which he was handling her, I can only assume that his intentions were dishonorable. I cannot accept that kind of behaviour. It's a violation of our moral code, a disgrace to our integrity and honour as soldiers."

Persona raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "You fired a shot at him because he was about a rape an Alicean woman?"

Natsume steadied his breath before he responded. "General, correct me if I am wrong, but our army does not condone such behaviour."

"Yet our army collects women for our brothels. That never bothered you before, Major General."

"I never tolerated it. I've previously articulated my distaste towards it."

"Nevertheless, you fired a shot at Lieutenant Mouri. A fellow comrade. A Z."

"General, I fired a shot. Not_ at_ him. I fired a shot to stop his actions, not to injure or kill him. As soon as he said my name, I knew my cover was blown. I still needed to collect my Z uniform that I hid in their house. I had to act quickly."

Persona exhaled loudly through his nose. "You have all these excuses, but frankly, I am not impressed. You did nothing but wait during your six months absence. Did you manage to collect any valuable information?"

Subaru Imai, Hotaru Imai, Nonoko Ogasawara all flashed in Natsume's mind. He kept his face still and impassive. "No, General."

"Your actions towards Lieutenant Mouri were deplorable. As a comrade—"

"But, General," Natsume interrupted, "he was going to—"

"I don't care what Lieutenant Mouri was planning or not planning to do with the Alicean bitch." Persona loudly said, silencing Natsume. "Either way, in the coming days, I am sure she will be rounded up, sent either to a concentration camp or the brothels. The invasion is far from over. Her fate would not have differed. You should not have threatened your comrade. Your sense of morality should only extend towards your fellow Zs, _not _Aliceans. Aliceans are subhuman, Major General, do you understand?"

"Yes."

"As they are subhuman, they do not need to be treated with human respect."

Natsume's nails bit into his palms as he unostentatiously clenched his fists. Why had he ever fought in this nonsensical war, he wretchedly wondered.

"I've heard enough." General Persona decided. "As I've said, I am not impressed. Your explanation may be sincere, but it's weak. I won't be sending you North for a trial," (the tension in Natsume unraveled slightly), "but I will be demoting you for your actions against Lieutenant Mouri. From today, you are no longer Major General Natsume Hyuuga. You will be stripped of your rights as a Major General; other Generals in Whitehall will review your demotion. I will ask you to be demoted to a Major – this will be confirmed in the following days by Whitehall."

Natsume nodded. "I understand, General."

"You do not seem upset."

Natsume lowered his head. "I lost my rank the moment I failed my mission, General. I am not disappointed. I expected this."

General Persona stood up and Natsume followed suit, saluting. "Your family will be informed about your survival in the next few hours. I will allow you to contact them tomorrow. Once Whitehall gets back to me, confirming your rank, you will be stationed accordingly. Go to the doctors; get a checkup and ask the doctors to send me your medical assessment. I will also need you to write a statement concerning your past six months. I expect your statement to be on my desk by tomorrow, 0900."

"Yes, General."

"You are dismissed."

"Thank you, General Persona." Natsume inclined his head at his superior.

Only when he was outside Persona's office did Natsume heartbeat stabilize. Finally, he exhaled freely. That was much harder than he ever anticipated, but it went much better than he had hoped for. A soldier was waiting for him outside.

"Lead me to Lieutenant General Narumi's office."

"Yes, Major General Hyuuga."

* * *

As soon as he opened the door, claps, cheers and warm smiles greeted him. It was completely different from Persona's cold room, and Natsume felt his heart warm. Luca, Mochu, Kitsuneme and Narumi were all there, celebrating his return and his life.

"Natsume-kun!"

Laughing, Mochu pulled Natsume's neck into his arms. "You fucker! You just won't quit, will you?"

"Six months! Six months!" Kitsuneme chuckled, as he shook his head, closing in on Natsume. "How did you pull this off?" He slapped Natsume's arms before pulling him into a hug, "Welcome back, Hyuuga."

Despite the buoyancy in the room, Natsume suddenly felt like crying again. Kitsuneme noticed and loosed his grip, letting him sit. The laughter and jubilance dimmed then disappeared.

"Are you alright, Natsume-kun?" Narumi asked, concerned, his previous jubilance gone.

Natsume pressed his fingers against his eyes as he nodded. "Yeah." He then looked around him, inspecting his friends. "I…I'm just glad you're all okay." A warm silence engulfed them, and they all smiled hospitably. Then, his eyebrows furrowed. "Where's Koko?" A terror seized him. "No… he's not…?" He daren't say it out-loud.

Luca shook his head. "He's fine. Well, he's alive. He's not exactly fine." Luca glanced at Kitsuneme, asking for help.

"…More about that later," Kitsuneme finally said. "He's alright. Don't worry about him."

He uncertainly nodded, accepting his friends' momentary reluctance. "What's been going on? What have I missed? Is the war nearly over?"

Narumi sighed. "We're winning on paper, that's for sure. Alicea has sustained grave losses, especially in these past two months. I think many are surprised they haven't surrendered yet. A lot of peace treaties have been drafted, but they have all been rejected by Alicea." Natsume recalled the radio in Mikan's house—this was a very different report to what he had heard. "The President is getting desperate. A lot of citizens in Z have started to protest against the war. It's exhausting our economy and morale."

He thought of Mikan and their promise. "Do you think the war will be over soon?"

"That's what we're hoping." Narumi grimaced, his face devoid of any hope. Natsume's heart sunk. Narumi then glanced at the clock. "I'm sorry, Natsume-kun. I have to go. Duty calls. I've been asked to transcribe a report directly to Whitehall—I should have been there 10 minutes ago, but I needed to see you first. Feel free to stay here as long as you want. I'll speak to you tomorrow." He said this to everyone in the room. "You know where the liquor cabinet is."

They all grinned thankfully and bid Narumi a goodbye.

Narumi patted Natsume's shoulder in a paternal fashion. "I'm glad you're home."

_I'm not home_, he wanted to say, but he stayed silent and smiled instead. "Thanks, Naru."

Narumi left and Natsume turned to Luca. "So, what else is new?"

Mochu snorted. "Nothing. We're all depressed. We all wanna go home. We're sick of this shit." He made his way to Narumi's liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. His expression and tone changed: "The perks of a Lieutenant General! He's got some nice booze, lucky bastard."

"I've been demoted," Natsume casually informed his friends, "so no nice alcohol from my end anymore."

"What?!"

"Fuck," Kitsuneme groaned, shocked. "Why?"

"It's okay. I don't mind. I'm just glad they aren't sending me to trial." He took a glass from Mochu. "They thought I deserted my post and I fired a shot at that prick Mouri earlier today."

Mochu paled—Mouri was telling the truth then?!

"Fuck, Natsume," Luca looked scared now, "what in God's name _have_ you been doing these past few months? Don't ask about us—tell us what happened to _you_."

"I want Koko here. I don't want to say it twice. What happened to him?"

Kitsuneme dejectedly sighed. "He fell in love. Well, he_ thinks _he's fallen in love. With an Alicean prostitute."

Natsume was startled. "What?"

"I know. Talk about fucked up." Mochu dejectedly shook his head, commiserating.

"He's not allowed to go to the brothels anymore. Persona himself intervened. And now, Koko's all depressed, desperate to marry her. Narumi's worried he'll be demoted too; he's neglecting a lot of his duties and his money can't save him anymore. His father's cut him off."

"Fuck," Natsume drank his whiskey, and winced as soon as he swallowed. Whiskey was bitter—bitterer than he remembered. He didn't like it anymore. He put the glass down.

"On the topic of women…" Luca tentatively said, his voice anxious, "there's something you should know, Natsume." Natsume looked at him, worried. He immediately thought of Mikan, and then his mind wandered to Aoi. "Luna… well, she thought you were dead. … And, well, she's sort of married Kuonji."

Kuonji was their boss back in the bank at Whitehall. As far as Natsume knew, he was rich and old. Kuonji was an old friend of Koko's father. Everything about him—from his preferred cigarette brand, to his gleamingly polished shoes—flashed in Natsume's mind.

Natsume was stunned.

But then, the shock dissipated, fading away, not longer flashing.

"I see," was his only response.

Luca nervously glanced at Kitsuneme. Kitsuneme grimaced. But Mochu looked puzzled. "You don't seem too upset."

"I'm not." He was sincere. He had been planning to officially break things off with Luna after all. "I just can't believe she married Kuonji."

Kitsuneme snorted, "He was probably the only single man left in Whitehall. The rest of us are out here, fighting for his stupid bank. I never liked him. He was creepy."

"You don't seem to like anyone, Kitsuneme." Luca warily said, but he knew that Kitsuneme's hostility came from a good place. He was trying to cheer Natsume up by exhibiting his solidarity. Then again, as Mochu said, Natsume did not look too upset. In fact, he didn't look distraught at all.

"I'm sure Kuonji is a far better husband to her than I would've ever been." Natsume mused.

"No—"

"I'm not saying that lightly." Natsume interrupted his friends' protests. "I didn't love her. You all knew that. You all saw me ignore her letters. And she sent me so many," he said, sorely, "but I just used the envelopes to note down trivial and inconsequential information about the war. I didn't open her letters. I left them there, untouched. I didn't care for her. I never treated her like my fiancée. I treated her wrong. I was cruel to her."

"…It was just bad timing," Luca kindly but cautiously replied, "you got engaged right before you left. There was no time for the two of you. There was no time for her to become your 'sweetheart back home'."

"She just became another obligation. I never gave her a chance to become something more than just that." Natsume truthfully confessed. "I owe her an apology."

Mochu pushed the glass of whiskey back into Natsume's hands. "Chin up. Plenty of other fishes in the sea."

Natsume's expression changed almost immediately at his words. The fire in his eyes reignited. Resolved settled in his countenance. His jaw tightened with determination. "I have you tell you guys something. Let's find Koko. I need him here too."

* * *

Natsume. Luca. Koko. Kitsuneme. Mochu.

All wealthy. All good-looking. At university, their fellow peers had all stared at them, in the hallway, in the lecture-halls, in the seminar rooms and outside, on the grass. They couldn't help it. Five attractive, influential males, together—they had made irresistible sight.

Thanks to their families, all five had fingers in many pies: opportunities and opening were available to them, left, right and centre. Luck had followed them. Fortune had shone on them. Girls had followed them, giggling. The professors had nodded at them, in respect, understanding that all five of one will one day be at the very top of the ladder.

But then the war came, and everything changed.

They were no longer the sons of influential families: they were now _men_, healthy _men _and war does not care for money or power. War does not discriminate. Men, rich or poor, are men, and men were required to win the war.

Their bright futures were dashed against the rocks.

Perhaps it was sobering realization. A sobering punch in the face that had reminded them that they were not really any better than anyone else.

They were just five guys.

Well, they _had _been just five guys. Now, they were men.

The war changed them, matured them, darkened them.

Mochu had always characterised by his buoyancy. He had been an easy, fun, light and reassuring character. He had never taken life too seriously. Everything, he had believed, could be solved with time and patience. The war crashed him back to earth; his buoyancy was now gone.

Kitsuneme had loved flying. His father had taught him how to fly a plane when he was fifteen. Flying had meant freedom to him then. Now, planes just meant death. The sound whirring of planes were now always accompanied by explosions, and it made his skin crawl and his molars grind.

Koko had probably been the most popular out of the five of them. Smiles and charms had come naturally to him. He had the gift of understanding people—it was as if he could read minds. His personality had attracted people, like a moth to a curling flame. But the war wiped that smile away, and his mind reading ability. Now, Koko could only ruminate on his own dark thoughts and contemplations.

Luca had always insisted on seeing the best in people. His sunny smiles had always warmed people, lightened up the room. Natsume's little sister's first crush had been Luca. He had been good, pure and honest. Well, Luca was still good, pure and honest, but he could not see good as well as he used to. People now disappointed him. He no longer perceived good—he saw evil in a lot of people now, their black hearts on their sleeves. Now, Luca could only see goodness in animals.

Natsume looked at all his friends, sitting around him. They were all just shadows, his suddenly understood, of their past selves. Broken shadows, empty puppets, hollow men.

Koko's transformation was the most unnerving. He looked ill, exhausted; under his eyes, deep purple lines were carved deeply.

Natsume started: "I told General Persona that an Alicean family rescued me from the marshes. I told him that I pretended to be an Alicean deserter to this family. I told him that I had been at staying, waiting at their house for these past six months."

Mochu discreetly turned the radio volume up, pointing it towards the door, minimizing the chance of Natsume being overheard. They all huddled closer to Natsume, silent, understand the dangers of knowing secrets during war.

"That's mostly all lies. It's true that I was shot twice. I was badly wounded." Luca looked very concerned. "I lost consciousness in the marsh fields. And when I came to, I was in a house. An Alicean house. It… It was like no other house I've been to. The ceilings are low, everything is more compact and it had this woodsy smell." Natsume remembered the tinkling of the wind chimes, blowing in the soft wind. "I soon found out that an Alicean woman saved my life—not a family, just one woman—and she knew I was a Z soldier."

"What?!" Mochu gasped, shocked.

"She saved your life?"

"She brought me to her home." Natsume said. "And she patched me up." His eyes scanned all of his friends' faces. In his most sincere voice, he finally confessed what had been pressing against his heart this whole time, "I fell in love with her."

Their jaws all slackened and dropped; their eyes widened in disbelief.

Kitsuneme spluttered, "Y-You… you _what?_"

"I was disgusting to her when we first met. I said terrible, _racist _things to her, even though she saved my life. By keeping me at hers, she was also risking her own life." Natsume continued, hoping that his friends' expressions would change soon (he hoped that they would not ultimately react like Anna), "But slowly I opened up to her. She let me in; I let her in. And," Natsume swallowed; he felt incredibly vulnerable, "everything just fell into place."

His friends stayed silent.

"I gave her my stone."

That got them talking: "What!" cried Mochu; "Your _stone?!_" Kitsuneme double-checked, flabbergasted.

"My stoneseller was right." Natsume continued, calmly and honestly. "I didn't pick my stone out for me all those years ago. It was always meant for her. It belongs to her. It _is_ hers."

Luca, who had seen Natsume's stone before, thought in that moment that Natsume's eyes gleamed like his stone. Luca knew his best friend well enough to know that his words were from the heart. After all, he had never seen such fire in Natsume's eyes before. He knew Natsume well… but he had never, in all these years, seen Natsume in love. His expression was softer, tenderer than he could have ever imagined.

"Today, when the invasion started, Reo found her. He had her pressed against the floor and I," Natsume closed his eyes and he shook his head in frustration, "I was so _angry_. I really wanted to kill him." His voice was low, and regretful. "I handled the situation badly but I was running on instinct. When Reo left, she found out about my position in the Z army. You see, she knew I was a Z, but she didn't know I was a Major General." He launched into the intricacies: he spoke of Anna, Nonoko Ogasawara, Hotaru and Subaru Imai.

A shocked silence descended upon them.

Will his friends not accept his relationship with Mikan, Natsume wondered, apprehensive. He thought they would readily accept his situation, but as he looked upon their faces, his heart pounded. If his best friends could not accept Mikan… what chance did they have against the world? Would no one support their union? Was there any welcoming space out there for the two of them?

Finally, Koko spoke. His voice was gravelly—clearly, he had taken up smoking sometime in the past few months. "Does she love you back?"

"Yes." Natsume affirmed firmly. "She does. She loves me. After this damn war I'm going back for her. I'm going to marry her."

Slowly, Koko smiled. "Good for you."

Natsume wasn't the only one in love with an Alicean after all. To Koko, Natsume's love became a manifestation of _hope_. Maybe he did have a chance with Sumire after all. Maybe far, far into the future, when this war was over…

Kitsuneme smiled encouragingly too. "I'm happy for you. You deserve love, Natsume."

Mochu grinned. "Well no wonder you didn't care about Luna and wrinkle-ass Kuonji! So, what does she look like? Is she hot?"

Natsume raised his eyebrows, unimpressed. "Is that really the first thing you're going to ask me?"

Mochu shrugged. "Guess it is. So?"

Natsume shook his head, amused. He then looked at Luca. He wanted Luca's approval the most. If Luca, his kindest and most loyal friend, could not accept Mikan, Natsume might just lose hope.

Thankfully, Luca was serenely smiling.

Luca forgot how peaceful it was to see good. Natsume's love was an act of resistance. He was resisting evil, hatred and ignorance by loving somebody wholeheartedly and selflessly.

"I can't wait to meet her." Luca said, "I'm sure she's wonderful."

"She'll love to meet you too," Natsume ensured him, talking fast, excited and relieved, "she'll love to meet you all. I know it. She—"

Luca slowed him down, "Don't worry, Natsume. You don't have to prove anything to us. We can see that you're genuine. We believe you."

Natsume breathed, comforted.

"Thank you."

He wasn't home (because Mikan was his home) but here, among his friends, he was close.

* * *

**A/N**: Hello peeps. Hope you're all well. I am dying with exams. Ugh.

When will I next update? I'm not sure. Probably after my exams are over in May, but I'm not setting an exact time just in case I don't follow through with it. The next chapter will focus on Natsume again before we switch to Mikan.


	17. Letters

A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.

**Letters**

* * *

Natsume was taken to his new office and quarters later that evening by a cadet. The cadet kept glancing back at Natsume, intrigued, timidly and curiously. Natsume ignored him, but he wondered dimly what the soldiers thought of him now. He wondered what whispers were being said behind his back.

He was slightly tipsy. He wasn't drunk—he was still lucid—but he felt a throbbing pulse in his temples. His body was rejecting the whisky.

"Here we go, sir," came the Cadet's voice, "this is your new lodgings. Your washroom is across the corridor." He pointed it out.

Natsume nodded. "Thank you, Cadet."

The cadet cast him another inquiring look before he turned away.

It was very late. But Natsume still had to write his statement for Persona, and in the army, duty came first. He opened the door and switched on the lights. The room was considerably smaller than his previous room. It was bare: a bed, a desk and a chair were the only objects in the room. It was cold in the room. It was empty.

It was a far cry from Mikan's room. From _their_ room. There were no trinkets, no personal flourishes, no warmth, but most pressingly, no Mikan.

He was alone.

To distract him from melancholy, Natsume sat down. There were paper, envelopes, and pens on the desk. Immediately, he took the pen in his hand and begun writing his statement, meticulously following the narrative that he had given to Persona earlier. The language he used was unembellished and mechanical. Once he was done, he read it over, looking for any discrepancies or mistakes. Satisfied, he set the report aside.

Exhaustion finally set in.

Both his body and mind were weeping.

He couldn't quite believe that earlier this morning, he had been with Mikan. That already felt like centuries ago. It felt like a different realm, like a faraway dream—_no, no, no, it was real. It wasn't a dream, Natsume. She's real_.

Closing his eyes, he gripped his left pocket, knowing Mikan's keepsake to be there.

In the silent room, he changed. He got ready for bed. He slipped into the hollow bed. It was so cold under the covers.

Alone, he could be unashamedly honest with his feelings. Alone, with no distraction, responsibilities or friends, he confronted the gaping hole in his heart. He bared his feelings to the surface. He desolately pressed his face into the scratchy pillow. He missed her more than words could describe. A part of him was gone. He felt as empty as this vacant shell of a room. This will never be his home.

Night had always been theirs. Since their first night together, they shared every night. In the day, Mikan gave herself to everyone: her kindness spread from Anna, to Youichi and sometimes Tsubasa. But in the night, Mikan was wholly his and he was entirely hers. Night before her had been dark and scary—a terrifying time to think about the past and sins. But night with her had been a wonderful source of solace. Night with Mikan was all about shimmering stars, mesmerizing moons and faraway glittering galaxies. In their bed, they loved completely and absolutely. Every kiss was meaningful. Together, they transformed the dark night into a romantic, enchanting and utterly beautiful spectacle.

But now, alone, without her by his side, the night felt empty… chilling…

He missed her. He missed her voice; he missed her laughs and giggles; he missed her body pressed so intimately against his; he missed her whispers; he missed her sighs; he missed her caresses. Missing _hurt_. It was _painful_.

He wished she were close by, here, next to him. But at the same time, he hoped to God that she was far away—far, far, far away from Hoshikuzu, far away from the front lines, safe and sound…

The pain in his chest did not fade.

Despite his exhaustion, the pain kept him awake.

After an hour of tossing, turning and groaning, he got out of bed. He turned his light on. He sat down at his seat, and pulled out another sheet of paper. His pen touched the white page, and the words flowed: freely, instinctively and unreservedly, Natsume wrote.

_Dear Mikan…_

He was writing a letter to her. It was brimming with emotions, saturated with love. It was hard to crystallize his feelings with words, but he tried his very best. He was no poet; literature had always been his weakest subject at school, but he tried to remember the ways the old poets had expressed their love. He tried to imbue the page with as much feeling as possible—every stroke and every dash was written tenderly, meaningfully.

He knew he could not send the letter to her. He knew this very well. He had no address, and even if he did, no Z courier would never send a letter to Alicean territory. Even so, he wrote as passionately as he could.

He would become a poet for her. He'd do anything for her.

When he was done, he folded the paper up, placed it in an envelope before hiding it under his mattress. He climbed back in the duvets.

When he was still a child, he used to read to Aoi before her bedtime. Aoi's favourite book had been her princess book, and her favourite story was about a princess who slept on pea. This sensitive princess could feel the one little pea that was placed under hundreds of mattresses. Natsume had always thought it was a strange story, but he didn't say so to Aoi: he didn't want his opinions to change her feelings towards her favourite story.

But here, in this bed, he felt his letter beneath him, beneath the mattress. He did not physically feel it, but emotionally, he felt the thin paper. Knowing his feelings were truly there, underneath him, lulled him finally to sleep.

* * *

Natsume presented his statement to Persona at exactly 0900, exactly as requested. He also informed Persona that he had made an appointment with the army doctor at noon for a checkup, assuring him that he would get his medical report by 1300. Persona had only nodded uncaringly in response. Saluting, Natsume left Persona's tomblike office.

Until Whitehall's verdict, Natsume was effectually on probation. He was stripped of his rights as a Major General, and until his new rank was confirmed, he had no obligations, clearance or duties. He decided to use this time wisely: he planned to find out as much as possible about Nonoko Ogasawara's detainment. He was certain he could use Luca's clearance to gather some information. Ideally, he would have asked Narumi (being Lieutenant General, Narumi had more clearance than Natsume ever did even as a Major General) but he did not want to involve more people. The less knew, the better.

He concentrated deeply. He knew that no amount of power could free her. She was too valuable… too Alicean. But if he could just _talk_ to her, _apologise_ and let her know that Anna was safe—

His thoughts halted as he saw Koko, sitting a few metres away. He was smoking on a chair, his boots tapping against the dirt. Natsume approached him.

"You never smoked before."

Koko looked up and faintly smiled. He offered a cigarette to Natsume. "No thanks."

"You used to smoke like a chimney before."

"I did?" Genuinely, Natsume did not remember this. He pulled a chair beside Koko and sat down.

"Yeah. Maybe you did it so automatically that you don't actually remember doing it."

"Automatic's a good word." Natsume agreed. "I was a machine before."

"Was it her who changed you?" Koko's voice was low and quiet. Even so, Natsume looked around them, making sure no one could hear their conversation.

"Yeah. She…" He swallowed thickly. "It's like she put me back together. I was wounded in so many ways; she took me in and fixed me up. She took me back home."

Koko blew the smoke. "How did you get her to love you?" His voice was flat, but his eyes were beseeching, desperate to know Natsume's secret.

Natsume blinked, confused before a pensive expression set in. He considered Koko's question for ten seconds before clarity cleared his eyes. "I didn't. I never 'got' her to love me. She just did."

"I don't understand."

"Look. You know I'm not good with words. I can't explain it well but," Natsume paused to really think about this before trying, "love is letting itself be in the fullness of its being."

Koko furrowed his eyebrows. "What does that mean?"

"It means…" Natsume struggled, before simplicity bestowed wisdom again, "'let it be'. It means 'let it be'. That's what love is." Natsume's eyes were blazing, his tone was emphatic, confident and assured, but once he caught Koko's stunned gaze, he blinked, embarrassed. His ears flushed red. "I'm sorry. That probably makes no sense. I'm talking rubbish, ignore me."

Koko kindly smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Natsume… you're not talking rubbish. In fact, you've never been so articulate before. Thank you for answering me so honestly. I mean that. You shouldn't be nervous about expressing what you just said."

Natsume's ears were still warm; his nod was slightly bashful.

"So, what's her name?"

"Mikan."

"Do you think your parents would accept your marriage to her?"

Natsume had thought about question last night. It tormented him. "I don't know." An anxious silence fell. "… I don't know what I would do if they don't."

Koko regretted his question. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. That was a real dickish question, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine." Natsume insisted. "I thought about it last night."

Koko threw down his cigarette and stubbed it out with the tip of his boots. "Did I ever tell you what my father's last words were to me before I left home?" Natsume shook his head. Koko snorted mirthlessly, shaking his head, before saying in a purposefully deep voice, "'Son,'" he was mimicking his father's baritone voice, "'don't you dare bring back a half-Lice.'"

'Lice' was a derogatory ethnic slur for Aliceans that the older generation used.

Natsume grimaced. Koko's father was the richest and the coldest father Natsume knew. "I'm sorry, Koko. I really am."

Koko shook his head. "He's such an asshole. Sometimes, I think I hate him." He woefully exhaled. "You know… some part of me thinks that I only fell in love with an Alicean just to spite him. Just to have a 'half-Lice'. Nothing would make him more angry than being a grandfather to an Alicean." Koko sadly smiled. "See? My love doesn't come from a pure place. It was born out spite. That's why it'll never work. It's not true like yours."

It was Natsume's turn to put a hand on his friend's shoulder. As gently as he could, Natsume said, "You need to be free to love. She needs to be free. Wait until she's free, Koko. Try then."

Koko nodded heavily but understandingly. "Thanks, Natsume."

Natsume was about to say more, but a voice from across the turf interrupted his efforts. "Natsume-kun!"

They both looked up. It was Narumi. He was waving at them, grinning brightly.

"Your family is on the line! Come!"

Natsume's breath halted, but abruptly he stood up. He moved to take a step forward, but then he stopped to look down at Koko. "I'm sorry, Koko, I—"

"Are you crazy? Go, Natsume!" Koko grinned encouragingly. "I'll see you later."

He nodded. "We'll talk again, I promise."

Koko waved a goodbye.

Natsume bolted in the direction of Narumi; he couldn't help the grin that was spreading across his face. He slowed his pace when he reached Narumi.

"Come, my office," Narumi said, still beaming, "come, come!"

Natsume followed him into the building. "How long do I have?"

"As long as you want. I made sure that they connected to my phone-line for that very reason."

"Thanks, Naru. Honestly, thank you."

"They've been informed about your return. They have all the details. But you should know," suddenly Narumi's voice was lower, serious, "these phone calls can be intercepted. I've told your family this too; I've advised them not to ask you about your disappearance." The way that Narumi's eyes meaningfully gleamed however told Natsume that the phone call could be intercepted not by an Alicean spy, but by Persona herself. "So keep important information to yourself."

Natsume nodded. "Alright. I will."

The next few seconds passed very quickly—he followed Narumi; entered Narumi's room; Narumi left, warmly smiling, closing the door behind him and Natsume pulled the receiver to his ear.

"Hello?"

"_Natsume!" _It was his mother. Her voice made him cry.

"Mother—"

"_Oh, darling. I'm so glad you're alive. I'm so glad you're back. I'm so glad you're safe."_

"Yes—"

"_Are you alright? Oh, darling, I'm so sorry. You must have seen terrible things."_

"I'm alright, mother. I promise."

"_Oh, you've always been such a good boy. You've always been such a good son. My wonderful, little boy._" She was crying now, and Natsume held the phone tighter. _"Always, always, 'I'm alright mother'. I know you're not alright, but I also know that _I_ made you like this. I'm so sorry._"

"Mother—"

"_I'm sorry, Natsume." _Her voice shook. _"You're my perfect son, but I've been a negligent mother, both to you and your sister. But mostly to you. You… You always got by, you always just accepted things, you always said you were alright… and I blindly believed you. I know now that every time you said you were fine, you were just repressing all the sadness and all the loneliness I caused you. I'm sorry. I made you like this."_

"Mother, please… I—"

"_I left you to fend for yourself from such a young age. I'm sorry," _she choked, tearfully, "_I'm sorry we didn't accompany you on your tenth birthday to pick out your stone._"

"It's alright—"

"_No, it's not alright, Natsume. It's not. I left you on one of your most important days. I left you with Aoi. You took care of her, babysat her, on your most important day—"_

"I love Aoi. I didn't mind."

"_Oh, darling… my sweet, kind boy." _She sniffed, _"When… when were informed six months ago that you went missing in action, Aoi screamed at your father and me for two hours. She was crying as she screamed. She told us we had been terrible to you. She reminded us that we didn't accompany you to the Stone Sellers, and also reminded us of her tenth birthday. Do you remember her tenth birthday, darling?_"

Natsume flushed in shame. How could he forget? He was still ashamed of his actions that day. "I do. I ruined her day."

"_Oh no, sweetheart, no. You didn't ruin her day. You _fixed_ her day. Her tenth birthday was the only time you ever raised your voice to your father and to me._"

"I still regret that—"

"_No, no. You were completely right to do so. You got angry with us because we told Aoi we couldn't accompany her to the Sellers. We didn't take you_—_you had accepted that_—_but you couldn't bear to see your little sister treated the same way as you. You've always looked out for her. You're a better parent to her than us."_

"No, mother—"

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took _this_ for us to realize our negligence and cruelty towards you. I'm sorry I was a terrible mother to you. I wish I could give you another childhood—a better childhood… I wish I went with you that day…_"

A cathartic wave passed his heart. He didn't know he had been waiting to hear these words for years. A sense of calm and peace engulfed him. "Please, stop crying. I'm here now."

"_When I thought you were dead… Natsume, I've never felt anything quite like it. _I _wanted to die. I was so distraught, so regretful… I always knew you were good, but Aoi's words made me realize how good you truly were and how bad we really were. But I promise, Natsume, that I'll do my best to be a better mother to you."_

He accepted her promise. "Thank you, mother."

"_Your father's here. I'm going to pass to him now, darling._"

"Yes."

"_I love you. I love you so much, my sweet child."_

"I love you too."

He heard her sob one last time before his father's voice came, _"Natsume?"_

"Father…"

"_Are you well? Are you okay?" _His father's fervent voice was laced with emotion and love—Natsume heard all the undertones. He smiled.

"Yes. Yes, I am, really. Please reassure mother that I'm okay."

"_Look. Ignore that damn army rank business, you hear me? Don't you worry about that. It doesn't matter._ _We don't care if you're a Lieutenant or Cadet, alright? I want you to come home. Forget everything else, alright?"_

"Yes, father."

"_I want you to come back home safely._" He reiterated. _"Forget all that wishy-washy 'glory' business. I don't care for medals. I want you here, back at home_."

He thought of Mikan. Whitehall was no longer his home. "I'll be safe." Natsume promised.

"_Good. That's all we care about—"_

"_Daddy, get off the phone! My turn!"_

"_Aoi—"_

"_Oh, just tell him you love him. Hurry up, daddy."_

Natsume's heart clenched: Aoi! Aoi! Aoi!

"_I'm glad you're alive and well, son. And I'm sorry for everything."_

"It's alright, father."

"_I'll pass to—_" His father didn't finish his sentence; clearly Aoi had snatched the phone from his grip.

"_Natsume!"_

"Aoi—"

"_Ugh, leave dad! I want to talk to Natsume in private! Go see mum—she's downstairs." _Ten seconds passed. Aoi returned, _"He's gone."_

"You have him wrapped around your little finger."

"_You don't know the half of it. After we found out you were missing, mummy and daddy completely changed their attitudes towards me. So thanks for disappearing! Thanks to you, mummy and daddy are now at my beck and call."_

Natsume grinned. "Stop it. I know you missed me the most. You probably cried the most too."

Aoi did not deny this. Suddenly, he heard her crying.

"Aoi, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to cry."

"_I missed you so much… I thought you were dead… I missed you so much it hurt. I cried every night. I thought you left me."_

Natsume's eyes welled up. "Aoi…"

She bawled. _"Don't ever do that to me again, Natsume."_

"I won't. I'm sorry, Aoi. I'm sorrier than you'll ever know, especially to you."

"_You're such a good brother. You came back."_

Natsume remembered how Mikan very badly wanted him to return to his family. He had to admit, at times, he had pushed this thought to the back of his mind. Then, he thought being and staying with Mikan was the most important thing. As he heard his little sister cry, Natsume suddenly understood why Mikan had been so determined, so adamant for him to return. He understood why Mikan had continuously promised his family of his safe return. Mikan clearly understood his family and their hurt better than him.

"I always have your back. You know this." She wailed some more. He wiped the tears from his eyes. He needed to make her feel better. That was his job as her older brother. "When things got bad, I thought of you, Aoi."

That made her cry more.

"Don't cry. You're making me cry."

"_You don't cry_," she blubbered.

Natsume smiled. "I do now. I've cried so much these past two days. I can't help it."

She sniffed some more. _"Good. I always said you needed to express yourself more honestly."_

"I've finally taken your good advice." He let her cry a bit more. When her sniffs, snuffles, and snivels subsisded, Natsume asked, "How are you? Are you well?"

"_I'm so happy. I'm just happy you're not dead_."

"Me too," he joked.

"_I'm serious! I don't care about anything else."_

"Are you still studying?"

"_Yes and no. I'm still at university, but I've put my degree on hold. With so little men in the city, women have taken up more jobs, filling up all the vacancies. I fix radios now._"

"You do?"

"_Yes. Oh, Natsume—you wouldn't recognize Whitehall! It's run by women! Women are everywhere."_

Sincerely, Natsume said, "Good. The future should be female."

"_Quite so!_" Aoi happily replied, glad that her brother (her favourite person in the world) shared her vision. _"Daddy's always grumbling about the lack of men in town. He thinks Whitehall is becoming too soft._"

"That's ridiculous. It was men who started this war. Father could learn so much from you. Politicians too for that matter. Not to mention, in my experience, women are far stronger and far more resilient. Just look at me and then look at you."

"_Thanks. __No-one talks like you, Natsume. You always make me believe in myself. You're the best person I know. People who have you in their lives are blessed._"

He wincingly thought of Nonoko and Anna. They certainly weren't blessed. He ruined their lives.

"_Did you hear about Luna?"_

Her voice was slightly tentative. "I did. Luca told me last night."

"… _Are you okay?"_

"Yes. Honestly. I think you know me well enough to know that I never loved her."

She gave a derisive snort. _"Hmph! Still. I can't believe she ran off to Kuonji as soon as she heard you were missing. You know, I never liked her!"_

No surprise there, Natsume thought, amused. "Don't say that, Aoi. She had every right to. She thought I was dead."

"_She assumed you were dead far too quickly. It made mother and father very, very cross. Me the crossest, of course. I was so angry that she let go of your memory so quickly."_

"Well, I didn't give her any memories, Aoi. I never answered her letters. I didn't treat her like a fiancée. I was cruel."

Aoi clearly did not care for Natsume's explanation. She continued in a waspish tone, _"And to think she married that Kuonji! Yuck!"_

"Aoi…" Natsume warned her, amused and exasperated.

"_What! Don't give me that tone! I'm allowed to judge her. He's old enough to be her grandfather. Gross!"_

"Aoi…"

"_What? He is!" _She giggled uncontrollably, childishly, cheekily.

Natsume smiled. He loved her laugh. "He's not that old, Aoi. He's probably younger than father. Besides, it's also not wise to talk of Kuonji like that. He's a powerful man."

Aoi indignantly sniffed. _"I'm just upset on your behalf."_

"You're like Kitsuneme. You don't need to be upset. You know I treated Luna unfairly. I should be the one apologising, not her. She's done nothing wrong. I hope she's happy with him."

"_Hmph…_"

"I should probably write her a letter." Natsume sighed, adding another obligation to his mental checklist. "I need to apologise."

"_No you don't. You apologise too much."_

"I've done some pretty terrible things, Aoi."

"_Well, you've been perfectly good to me."_

He smiled. Then, he remembered their small dog, Pochi. Aoi had picked him out and named him, but to her annoyance, Pochi had always followed Natsume around their house. "How's Pochi?"

Aoi's breath halted. Immediately, Natsume knew what that meant. He felt momentarily winded.

"_I'm sorry, Natsume. He died. He died three weeks after your disappearance. We thought he followed you…_" To death, he understood, swallowing thickly and painfully. "_I'm sorry, Natsume. I know how much you loved him_._"_

"You too, Aoi. How did he die?"

"_Old age… did you know Pochi was fifteen?"_

"I didn't." Natsume confessed. "I didn't know."

"_Yeah… I didn't realize. I just assumed that Pochi will always be there._"

"You must have been upset. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you."

"_It's alright. I think he's in a better place now."_

"He is." Natsume insisted, but he completely meant it. Silence fell between the siblings. "Aoi…" Natsume finally spoke. "… Do you… do you remember coming to the Stone Seller with me? On my tenth birthday?"

"_Of course. How could I forget? I love that memory."_

Natsume hesitated. He knew that there was a possibility of Persona intercepting his call, but he needed to tell Aoi. She _had_ to know. So, as carefully and slowly as he could, he said, "Do you remember what my seller said to me that day?"

Aoi paused. She clearly picked up on Natsume's tentative tone.

"… _Yes, I do. I remember."_

Natsume breathed, relieved. Clever, clever, clever Aoi. She knew not to say it out-loud. Clever, clever, clever girl.

He smiled warmly and revealed to her the good news, "Well, she was right. She was right about everything."

"… _I'm glad._" Aoi's voice earnest and very slightly tearful. "_I'm so, so glad, Natsume. I'm glad you're at peace."_

Thank you for understanding me, Natsume wanted to say, thank you, thank you. "I love you, Aoi."

"_I love you too."_

* * *

Dear Mrs. Kuonji,

Firstly, let me take the time to congratulate you on your recent nuptial. I wish nothing but happiness and peace for both you and your husband.

Secondly, I want to apologize for all my actions towards you. I did not think calling you would have been proper; after all, you're a married woman now. You owe nothing to me. But I hope this letter will sufficiently underscore my remorse in my treatment of you. I am sorry I ignored all your letters. I should have treated you better. I don't think I quite understood how silence constituted as cruelty, but now, I recognize this. I did not treat you right, and for that, I am deeply sorry. You did not do anything wrong (I want to emphasise this)—the fault lies solely with me. I was selfish, and unkind. I am sorry.

I hope my apologies will banish me from your mind. Please do not think of me. Don't waste your time on me. I am not worthy.

I am pleased that you have found happiness. Kuonji will be a better husband to you than I could have ever been.

I am sorry that this is the first and last letter you will receive from me.

I wish you all the best.

Best regards,

Natsume Hyuuga.

* * *

In his silent office, Persona reviewed Natsume Hyuuga's statement and medical report. The doctor had just given it to him less than five minutes ago. He was reviewing it one last time—one last time before he sent it off to Whitehall for the final verdict concerning Hyuuga's rank.

He derisively sneered as he put the reports down. He didn't believe a word of it. The medical report—of course, for science could not be disputed—but Hyuuga's statement?

Lies.

There were too many holes, too many discrepancies. It wasn't logical. Or perhaps it was too logical.

It wasn't true at any rate, and Persona knew that damn well.

Hyuuga said he donned the uniform of a larger, dead Alicean. This was his first mistake. The Alicean army would have noticed a naked man in the field. The possibility of a mole would have occurred to them if this were the case, yet none of his spies had picked up such whispers.

Hyuuga also said he had been shot: in the abdomen and the leg. The medical report verified this. But Persona had inspected his uniform last night when Hyuuga walked into his office (his eyes never missed anything)—there were no holes in his uniform. No holes in neither his jacket nor trousers. According to the medical report, the wounds, especially on his abdomen, had been very deep. The bullets would have punctured through his clothes.

There was no other explanation: his uniform had been patched up. It seemed unlikely to Persona that Hyuuga could sew, and even more unlikely that he would have asked to borrow a sewing kit from this 'family' he spoke of in his statement.

No. Someone else had patched his uniform up for him.

Which meant that someone in Alicea knew of his true identity.

Probably that Alicean woman he saved from Mouri, Persona boredly mused. That explained a lot.

He scoffed. Hyuuga clearly underestimated him.

But no matter, no matter.

Hyuuga came from an important and powerful family. It was bad enough that Hyuuga had been demoted. He couldn't possibly further disgrace the only son of Ioran Hyuuga, especially so close to the climax of the war.

He closed his eyes, and saw the searing white flash burst and burn through his imagination again.

His lips curled in delight.

Yes. The war will be ending soon.

It will end soon… by the power of _light_.

* * *

A/N: Bet you didn't expect me to update so fast! I'm surprised myself. **YOUR REVIEWS WERE JUST SO NICE!** They completely motivated me to bang out this chapter out for you!

So, thank you so much, Guest, layliaman98, JZ58, ToukaKanekiUlle, Purple-Hime, and the other Guest! (I've replied individually to your reviews, right at the bottom.)

So, letters, letters, letters!

Natsume writes his letter to Mikan so easily, so spontaneously, even though he knows he can't send it out to her. Not even twenty-four hours after their goodbye, he writes a letter to her. On the other hand, he writes a letter to Luna _years_ later, because he feels compelled to apologise for his actions. That alone should tell you enough about Natsume's feelings.

I cried when I was writing the conversation between Aoi and Natsume! I can't believe how involved I felt, haha. Felt very foolish, sniffling like a baby whilst typing.

Also, in case you need reminding to what Yura the stones seller said to Natsume that day, he's the excerpt from chap 14: "You will find perfection not in yourself, but in someone else. That is the meaning of selflessness and true love. When you find that person, you will not despair to give your stone away. You will want to give a part of yourself away to them, sincerely and lovingly. You will give your stone away with a perfectly pure sentiment: it will bring you **peace**. Remember this, Natsume." So, Natsume clandestinely told Aoi that he had fallen selflessly in love and that he had given his stone away.

Guest: I'm glad you like my presentation! I'm sorry it previously took me a while to update. I was busy with end of term assignments and other boring things. Hopefully this quick update made up for it! Hope you liked this chapter too! (And thank you for your kind encouragements – sadly, I probably won't do so well in my exams… I keep on finding really good ways to distract myself… like writing this chapter haha!)

Layliaman98: War is really scary. PTSD sounds terrifying. I feel like it changes people forever. My grandparents always talk about the war. I feel like they can't help but talk about it. Traumas, after all, never stay subdued in the past… And sadly, Natsume doesn't have _that_ much power. Even as a Major General, he could have never stopped the war. He understood he was a mere pawn in the grand scheme of things and despaired at this. And yes, he loves Mikan very, very much. Hehe. Thanks for your lovely review!

JZ56: Honey, be it 10 or 5 or no reviews, I will update! Just hearing YOUR review is enough, honestly! One is plently! I won't give up this story, don't worry. It might take some time for me to finish it, but I will finish it, I promise! And thank you… I will try my best in these upcoming exams (eek…). Thanks for your wonderful review!

ToukaKanekiUlle: ta-da, I have delivered! :)

Purple-Hime: Yeah, I made Persona uber creepy. Did you understand what he was thinking about at the end of chapter? It's supposed to be enigmatic, but the clues are there… But yes! The boys are all very sweet. I hope you liked Natsume's chat with Koko. Here, I wanted to show that Koko is slowly realising, by comparing himself to Natsume, that his feelings perhaps are not as deep or as genuine as his friend's. And happy ending? Hmm… I guess you'll just have to wait and see for yourself… (I'm so cruel, I'm sorry). You'll see Mikan in next time! Thank you for your fabulous review!

Guest: HELLO! Haha, I'm sorry you're mad (teehee). Hopefully this chapter made you madder? Cos, if you're mad, then hopefully that means it was good? Hehe. I didn't make you wait too long this time! I just felt really inspired by your reviews! Oh yeah, Persona is suspicious af. Nothing gets past his eyes. I know—I wanted to make the boys like a really cute group of bff. Hopefully you enjoyed Natsume pep talk to Koko. I really enjoyed writing it! And haha yup, she married him. I don't think Aoi will ever forgive Luna for marrying him. And hmm, well, I can say that Luna and Kuonji won't be making much of an appearance anymore. They might be mentioned now and again, but they are backstage characters. I did very subtly hint how the war was going to end though. Perhaps you've figured it out? And ugh, thank you – I hate exams. Good luck with your finals and homework, etc – we got this.


	18. Wandering

A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.

**Wandering**

* * *

It was a dark night. The moon was waning. Most of the stars were obscured by thick clouds that slogged sluggishly across the sky.

An owl hooted; Mikan held her breath. It hooted again; she exhaled, relieved.

They had been travelling for four days. Walking through forests, walking across fields, avoiding civilisation, walking, walking, walking… with no destination in mind, they roamed digressively but determinedly, unsure where they were heading. All they knew was to go west—keep walking west, west, west… away, away, away from Hoshikuzu, away from the enemy, away from hell.

Subaru carried his medicine. The others carried food (most of that food was gone now). Youichi carried nothing.

Tonight, they were camped under a cluster of trees. The canopy was thick, so they felt relatively safe. They tried to cushion the hard ground with their outer robes. The warm season meant that they did not have to light a fire for heat, which, Tsubasa pointed out, was safer anyway, despite the heavy darkness.

Mikan shivered anyway. Sleeping outside, on the ground, in the dark, was scarier than she could have possibly ever imagined. She was thankful that Youichi's head was pressed against her thigh; it offered her some comfort. She was sat up against a tree; her back felt the roughness of the trunk. Close to her, Anna sat too, her back pressed against the same tree. They were keeping the first watch of the night.

"Anna?" Mikan whispered, her voice so quiet, it came out like a breath.

"Yes?"

"We need to find somewhere. We can't keep wandering around like this." She felt Youichi snuggle closer to her leg. "Youichi needs somewhere to recover properly."

"I know." Anna agreed, very quietly. "But we have to get further away. We're still too close to Hoshikuzu… I can still feel it. It's… I can feel Hoshikuzu like a burn on my back. The further we're away from there, the more we'll be able to think."

"We could go to Hina." Mikan suggested anyway. "Jii-chan's place."

"Would we all fit?" Anna questioned uncertainly.

Mikan's grandfather's home was very small. He was an old, but spirited man. When her grandmother had died seven years ago, Mikan had considered moving to Hina to live with him. He had insisted he was all right, but her parents had moved there when the war started, worried, so to take care of the old man. She thought of his house. She thought of the narrow corridors, low ceilings, small rooms and his old, frail body.

"No." Mikan answered honestly. "But… but where else is there?" She was desperate.

"How would be get there anyway? Hina's all the way in the south. It'd take us weeks… maybe even _months_ to walk there. We're running out of food. Youichi won't be able to make a journey like that. He's already so tired."

"I've got money. We can pay for travel."

"It'll be expensive, Mikan." Anna knew perfectly well that Mikan had made no business recently. Her only student had been Youichi and she had taught him for free. "There are six of us."

In a desperate attempt to convince Anna, Mikan pulled out the money that was weighing heavily in her robe for her to see. It took a while for Anna's eyes to adjust, but once she did, she gasped, shocked. It was a lot of money. Anna had not seen that much money since the war's inception.

"Mikan… where did you…" Her voice carried awe. But then, she dropped into a dense silence.

"Anna?" Mikan placed the money back in her lap.

"Who gave you that money?" Anna's voice was no longer wonderstruck. Instead, her voice was hard, stiff and demanded the truth.

Mikan knew Anna already knew the answer to her question.

She closed her eyes painfully. "Anna… I know what you're thinking. But I'm not… I wasn't…. he didn't give me the money for… He only gave me the money for us to escape."

Anna stayed obscured in silence.

In the past four days, there was no time talk about what had happened. The four days had been dedicated to escaping, running, and hiding—silence and stealth were the priorities. They had not spoken about Natsume; but now, here in the dark, together, Mikan thought it was finally time to breach the topic.

"Anna," her voice was soft, pleading and genuine, "I didn't know that he was a Major General… I promise, I _swear _to you."

"But you knew he was a Z?"

"Yes. Yes, I did." She admitted. "I… there was an attack. Days before you arrived at Hoshikuzu, there was a full-frontal attack in Hoshikuzu, after nightfall." Mikan heavily closed her eyes as memories flooded. "The alarms rang. Everyone was so confused… attacks had never happened after sunset. I evacuated to the bridge with the others. No-one knew what was happening… everyone was scared, but we were mostly just disoriented. But then, not ten minutes after I had arrived at the bridge, the alarms ceased and we were instructed to return home. They told us it was safe; they told us the threat had been accordingly subdued. So I walked home… oh, Anna. I don't know what came over me. I took a different path home. I suspected that the attacks happened in the marshlands, and… I just walked in that direction. I don't know why I felt so reckless that night… maybe it was because some art of me wanted to _see _the destruction. Or maybe it was because I wanted to _feel _something. I had become _numb _ever since the war's genesis and some part of me wanted to _feel _again. I'm silly. _Stupid_, even. Because," she swallowed, "because when I arrived at the marshes… I nearly retched. The numbness melted and the horror settled in. There were bodies strewn across the fields. They were like flowers, sprouting and scattered everywhere. Even though I knew that they were the bodies of the enemies, all I could see were dead humans. I felt so…" she exhaled heavily. "I can't describe it, Anna. I felt so sad. I knew that by the next day that the Alicean army would come to collect and burn all the bodies. I felt like I had to _mourn _for them. I'm sure most of them were not a day older than twenty. I thought of their mothers. I thought it was my duty, as a fellow human being, to mourn them. So I went down to the marshes, to collect some flowers for them. That's when I heard a groan. That's where I found him. There, amongst the dead, he was _alive_. I couldn't leave him there, Anna." Mikan beseeched. "If I did… he'd just become another dead body. So I took him home with me."

"Mikan," She couldn't see her face, but Anna's shock and incredulity were evident in her tone, "you could have been seen! You could have been caught! You could have been executed as a traitor if _anyone _from the army or government saw you! Or what if the neighbours saw you and informed the authorities?"

"I know. But I didn't want him to die. It was just _that_ important to me that he didn't die there in the fields." Mikan pressed her lips together, eyes shut, thinking of Natsume.

Anna stayed silent, but then, she finally spoke, weighing her words carefully. "You risked your own life to save his life, and then you fell in love with him. You know, it's funny. Objectively, that sounds beautiful. It's a wonderful love story. … But…" she could not finish her statement; Mikan understood anyway and it broke her heart.

Mikan started to cry. She kept her sobs as quiet as possible. "Some part of me thought that love always conquered hate but I'm not so certain anymore."

"Oh, Mikan…" Anna pulled her friend in comfortingly. "You did nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with love. I know that too… it's just… just give me some time to accept your love, please."

"How can I ever ask you to accept it?" Mikan cried against Anna's shoulder. "How can I, when your family… oh, Anna, I'm so sorry." She silenced her wails in Anna's shoulder as absolute wretchedness gnawed at her very heart. Her feelings were tearing her in half. Love pulled her one way, but her country dragged her the other away. She loved him but she knew all too well of the hurt he had inflicted on her country and friends.

"Don't apologise for love, Mikan." Anna softly said. "That's no better than insulting your own feelings."

Suddenly, Mikan pulled the money from her lap and pushed it all into Anna's hands. "Anna, please. Can you hold onto it? I can't… I feel so _cheap_ holding it…" She cried. "I lay with him so many times, Anna. I gave him everything. I gave _myself _to him, completely… and he gave me money…"

"Mikan—"

"I love him." She affirmed firmly. She needed to say it out loud, to Anna, to the world, to the universe… but mostly, to herself. "I know this. I love him more than my own life. I know this, I know it, I know it. Yet I feel so lost. He… he promised me so much but all of his promises are passing through me like a ghost would. He promised he would return to me after the war. He promised to marry me."

Anna wasn't that surprised to hear this—they were absolutely in love, she knew this.

"But what if I never see him again?" Mikan all but squeaked fearfully and desolately. "What if… what if he breaks his promises? Promises are just words and words fade. What if he doesn't plan to come back to me? What if the war continues for another ten years, and by then, he doesn't care for me anymore? What if I was just some foreign phase to him? Just a body to lie with? What if he goes back to his life in Z after the war and marries someone else?" Mikan cried as she thought of Luna. "I don't know what to believe in anymore."

"Mikan. He loves you. I'm not saying that lightly."

"Worse of all, what if he dies? And I never see him again?" Mikan inhaled deeply, shaking, and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. "I'm sorry. You probably don't want to hear this. He's probably the last person you want to think of."

The owl hooted again—they gave the night back to the wild.

Finally, Anna spoke. "Maybe the sooner I accept his love for you, the sooner I'll find peace. But it's going to take a while. I don't think he deserves you." Mikan woefully closed her eyes. How can she be with Natsume if her friends didn't accept him? "But one day," Anna's voice was softer, "I'm sure I'll wake up and think otherwise. On that day, I'll know I'm ready to forgive him. I'll let you know when that day comes. Here," Anna kindly said, "let me take the money." She stowed the money away in her own robes.

"Thank you," Mikan said, her heart pounding, tears silently falling. "Thank you, Anna, for everything. Thank you."

They heard a rustle from above. The owl flew away.

But the owl wasn't the only one who overheard their conversation.

A few paces away from them, lying on the ground, Tsubasa was wide-awake. He had heard every single word. They did not have to say his name for Tsubasa to know whom Anna and Mikan were talking about.

Romi.

He knew that there was something suspicious about him. He had suspected him since their talk in the kitchen. He had been too secretive, enigmatic and reticent. At first, Tsubasa had thought that his suspicion came from brotherly affection—he could tell Romi liked Mikan from the way he looked at her. But now… his blood pounded coldly; he could hear it drumming fatalistically in his ears as fury coursed through his body.

Romi was a Z Major General?

Was he responsible for the death of Anna's family?

Now, he understood that back then, it was not brotherly affections but instincts that had alerted his mind of Romi.

That lying, low-life bastard.

That absolute devil-worshipping _bastard_. How _dare _he exploit Mikan? How dare he take advantage of her kindness—of _her? _He had slept with her, and now, he left her? He abandoned her as soon as the Z army invaded? He ran with his tail between his legs as soon as he saw his chance to return home, leaving Mikan alone, heartbroken and _used? _

And Mikan really thought he was coming back for her? How did he trick her so? Couldn't she see through his Z lies?

Mikan had said that Romi had left to go join the Alicean army—a lie—clearly, he had simply returned to the Z army, to help the invasion!

He was a _mole_. A _snake_, waiting, biding his time, waiting for the opportune moment to strike from _within_.

He felt sick. Never had Tsubasa felt so betrayed, so _angry—_

"You know…" Anna's voice interrupted his fury, "we could use this money and get a room at a ryokan. It's a lot of money. It could last us a while."

"No." Mikan firmly replied. "I don't want something temporary. I want to find somewhere permanent for us all to live. I'm sick of uncertainty and looking behind my back."

"I'm sure we'll find something."

Tsubasa exhaled shakily. He put his anger aside; he sat up, determined.

Anna and Mikan snapped their heads in his direction, scared and startled at the sudden rustle and movement. When they saw it was Tsubasa, relief washed over them, but then Mikan's breath caught in her throat.

What if he had heard their conversation?

She cleared her throat. "Tsubasa, are you alright?"

"I heard everything." His tone was unswerving, direct and factual.

"… How much did you—"

"Everything."

Anna stayed silent, worried. Mikan spoke, apprehensive, nervous and very close to tears again, "Tsubasa…"

The night was dark and silent.

"Mikan. You've been like a little sister to me for fifteen years." Mikan's heart hammered, terrified. "It's okay. I won't say anything to the others." He knew it was best to keep his anger to himself. Anger spreads; anger is contagious; anger is dangerous; anger kills. He focused not on his anger but at the other issue at hand. "I know where we can go."

* * *

"My friend Kaname lives in a forest outside Karuiyaza. I used to go there all the time as a child. It's completely remote; it's a big house, but most importantly, Kaname's a good guy. He'll let us stay." Tsubasa explained to Yuu and Subaru as they packed away their breakfast. "I spoke to Anna and Mikan about it. They're up for it. Kaname will have a phone too," he said, looking at Subaru.

Subaru nodded; he needed to call Hotaru soon to let her know that they were all safe.

Tsubasa continued, "I know Karuiyaza is another week's walk. But I have money," Mikan's, but they all thought it was best for Tsubasa to say it was his, "we can hitchhike. It won't take too long. We need to find a road and find someone who's willing to drive us there for money. What do you think?"

Yuu nodded. "I see no issue. The quicker we find somewhere, the better we'll all feel."

Subaru looked at Youichi who was sitting on Mikan's lap a few steps away, out of earshot. Mikan was combing his hair with her fingers, and she kissed his cheek lovingly, maternally. Anna was by the stream, collecting clean water.

"I'm worried Youichi is exhibiting signs of post-traumatic stress disorder," Subaru confessed, "not to mention, I'm worried about infections. The quicker we can find a stable home for him, the better."

Youichi looked so lifeless sitting on Mikan's lap. His eyes were downcast and empty; not even his favourite Mikan could bring a smile to his face. He had lost his beloved teddy-bear… he had lost his arm, but sometimes, especially in the morning, he'd wake up, and it would _feel _like it was still there. He felt his five fingers, but then he'd look down and saw no fingers. It confused and scared him. He wondered if his arm had become a ghost.

His arm was haunting him.

He dimly felt Mikan kiss his cheek again.

"We're going to find us a new home, You-chan," Mikan softly said to him, "no more walking, okay?"

"I want to go to back to Hoshikuzu. That's our home." Youichi's voice was feeble.

"We can't, sweetheart. It's too dangerous. We need to find another place now."

"Why did you leave Romi there then? I thought he was your boyfriend. I thought we were going to live together."

Mikan hugged him and pressed her face into his face. "We will one day."

"I didn't even get to say bye to him." Youichi whimpered, "Why didn't he come say bye to me?"

"He wanted to say goodbye," Mikan soothingly said, "he loves you, You-chan. He just had to go very quickly in order to protect us. He was trying to save our lives."

"To fight the Zs, right? To get our home back from them?"

She stroked his hair on his little head. "He left so he could come back home to us one day."

Youichi didn't say anything.

"You know, You-chan, one evening Romi told me about the house we are going to live together in. Me, you and him."

"… Really?" There was a glimmer of hope.

Pleased that his tone was lighter, Mikan continued, "Yes. He said he was going to give us a house that wasn't too small or too big. He said he was born in a very big house, and until his little sister came along, his big house was very lonely. But he doesn't want a house too small either because he knows you need space to play. He said we're going to have a garden. We're going to live close to a library, so you can read and become smart, and learn how to fly to the moon. Does that sound good to you? Do you approve?"

Youichi nodded. "I guess…"

"Oh, sweetheart. I wish you'd give me a little smile. Your smiles make me so happy."

Youichi turned to look at her. "Like this?" he vaguely smiled.

Mikan put her forefingers on the corner of his lips and upturned his lips. "No, like _this!_"

Youichi giggled, weakly. Mikan laughed, lovingly.

"Mikan! Youichi! We're moving!" Tsubasa called.

Mikan nodded, understanding before she smiled back down at Youichi. "Come on. Get up on my back." She turned around and crouched, her arms outstretched, ready catch him.

Youichi complied; his one arm gripped Mikan's shoulder and she securely held him up on her back, her arms holding his legs. "Comfortable?"

He nodded, pressing his face against her back. His five fingers gripped her. He didn't want to ever let go.

"Remember what I said, You-chan? If you feel something, you say it out-loud to make it better, okay?"

"Okay."

And so, they walked again, through the Alicean landscape, westwards but now with a destination in sight.

* * *

**A/N**: I know this chapter was short relatively compared to the previous two chapters. But that's all part of the plan :)

So, Mikan and co. are less optimistic, less _together_ than Natsume and his friends. They are all individually hurting too much. Whilst Natsume thinks of Mikan to make him feel better, thinking of Natsume hurts too much for Mikan.

A lot of you are worried that Persona is going to chase after Mikan; **don't worry, he's too busy to start such a specific manhunt**. Not to mention, he knows Natsume's family is important. He has no intention of humiliating Natsume further by making his lies known. He's figured out the truth, but at the end of the day, he doesn't care about one Alicean woman. Why would he? He thinks they are subhuman. He's just a smug man who likes to think he's infallible—he just applauds his own deduction skills.

Review replies:

Layliaman98: Don't worry, Persona won't be going after her like I said above! That's one less worry. Yes, Z definitely does have the upperhand in the war. However, soon you'll see that Aliceans aren't guiltless either. Youichi's is very sad right now, yes. It was hard to write because conveying the depth of his feelings seemed impossible. I figured it was better he was quiet—I feel like more is said in silence in his case. Thank you for the review!

Guest (who loves CAPSLOCK): This chapter definitely isn't as good as the previous two, but it needed to be done! I love Aoi too—she's my favourite female to write! Yeah, his mother's conversation made me sad too; I'm sorry it brought up some painful memories for you. I'm glad your sister is your Aoi! You're so lucky—my sister is more like Sauron, with her ever-watchful Eye stopping me from going through her wardrobe lol. I'm happy that your own life makes you an empathetic reader! Empathy is key :) (and shh, don't tell anyone, especially men, but I totally agree—women can do it so much better lmao.) Thanks for your review!

Mystique0831: I hope you liked this chapter too! And how many more chapters, you ask? Hmm… I think more than 10 but less than 20? I don't have any exact number. I've planned out the whole story, but I never stick to my own 'chapters' so it's hard to predict. I'm hoping to finish this story by the end of 2017 though! It's been too long in the making. Thanks for your review!

Lady Monroe: Hello, thanks for your review! I'm sorry for causing pain—hopefully this didn't cause too much pain. The tone will get more optimistic-ish in the next few chapters.

Purple-Hime: Haha, yup! I think I'm updating so fast also cos I JUST DON'T WANNA STUDY. And unlike watching Netflix, writing actually has a finished product at the end, so it's like the best form of procrastination ever (famous last words when I get a shit grade). Yeah, I think Natsume is very sad but Mikan's situation is much worse. But for some reason, I just feel so empathetic towards Natsume—probably because his life has become better since meeting Mikan, whilst her's… well, she's in love, yes, but she's not exactly happy or at peace like Natsume is. And concerning your guess to what Persona said… yes… maybe not… maybe yes… hehe. I won't say anymore. You'll find out soon enough anyway! And yay—gosh, Summer Wine was a joy to write… Anyway, thanks for the review!

ToukaKanekiUlle: Haha sorry this chapter isn't as long as you probably hoped for! And about all the 'couples' you mentioned… dun dun dun… (my lips are sealed). Thanks for the review!

ReadAtYourOwnRisk: HMMM.. maybe… maybe not… HMMM… hahah sorry, I'm such a troll. But you'll find out what Persona is talking about soon enough, I promise! Thanks for the review!

Guest: Thank you for all your kind words! I'll try my best in the exams, that's for sure… *gulps*. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far and it has all the elements you like. Yay! Thanks for your review!

BloodRedRubies: Yeah, Koko's definitely realised how unclean his emotions are towards Sumire. And don't worry, you'll get to see Natsume's letter to Mikan soon enough—it will make a reappearance, a few chapters away though. And like I said, Persona won't go after Mikan. He plans to destroy Alicea—no use in chasing after one girl when he plans to destroy it, you know? Oooh… have I said too much? I won't say 'yes' or 'no' to your guess, as you'll find out soon enough! Thanks for the review!

SFwhdnznddn: OOOH, you'll be excited by the next chapter, because Nonoko is finally going to make an appearance! But about your other concern, whether some characters will die—I know one will (I decided that from the very beginning), but there are others who I'm now considering too. But we'll see. Thanks for the review!

**I won't be updating until late May, until my exams end. Sorry 'bout that. I've been procrastinating for so long, it's finally time to put my pen down and concentrate on my studies. **

In the next chapter, you'll all see **Nonoko**: stay tuned for that!


	19. Petrified and Paralysed

**A/N: **I don't own Alice Gakuen.

**Petrified and Paralysed**

* * *

Sitting on his chair at his desk, elbows on the table, hands interlaced, his chin resting on his fingers, Natsume sighed steadily. He glanced wearily at the clock, which he recently installed into this barren room.

Two nights ago, very late, General Persona had announced that he was off to Whitehall the following morning for a meeting with the President, members of parliament and other military generals. He had told his men that he was to leave early the following morning and return by the end of the week. Many had been assigned tasks; Natsume, still on probation, had not been given any instructions directly from General Persona. General Persona, however, had told Natsume that he would return with a verdict concerning Natsume's new army rank.

Mochu, worried, had wondered whether General Persona's meeting in Whitehall concerned Natsume's suspicious absence. Luca had rebutted this: such matter was not important enough to summon the _President _of Z.

Natsume agreed with Luca. Yes, granted, he knew that Persona was monitoring him (he _felt_ his close watch; the suffocating and unwavering scrutiny of two omnipresent eyes), but Natsume knew his place well enough to know that Persona would not concern himself, or the President for that matter, with his affairs.

The _President_, all the Alicean Generals and the senior member of parliaments—the most important men in the country were all congregated at this very moment, discussing, what Natsume could only assume to be, something very important. Something concerning the war, of course. After all, what else was there to discuss these days? The weather? Housing crisis? Healthcare? Education funds? The poor? The hungry? The elderly? The disabled? No, no, no… _war _was all these men cared about.

_Dulce est decorum est pro patria mori_.

Someone, a poet from a far away land, a long, long time ago, had once written this.

Dimly, Natsume translated it, murmuring, _"It is sweet and proper to die for one's country_…" Then, he rather callously sneered. "Die for my country, my ass."

Thinking about all those men, hundred of miles away, discussing the war in terms of numbers (not lives), resources (men) and gain (Alicean land) caused fury to bubble in the pit of his stomach. Those men, he disgustedly thought, did not care for the civilians—not really, no. They were professional con-artists, duping the country, brain-washing the citizens, invoking hatred, breeding ignorance, exploiting men, sacrificing women, destroying children all in the name of _dulce _and _decorum_.

Ten to noon.

It was nearly time.

Natsume abruptly, and rather clumsily, stood up from his seat. It was time go forth with his plan.

As soon as he had heard about Persona's trip to Whitehall, the first thing that occurred to him was that this might be his only chance to move _freely_ without being scrutinized by Persona's heavy and piercing gaze. So, he had gone straight to Luca's after the announcement and asked for a favour.

Luca had been reluctant to begin with, understandably so. "I don't know, Natsume… it seems very risky."

"Please, Luca. I'm sure as a Brigadier you have enough clearance. I thought about asking Naru, but I didn't want to tell more people—"

"It's not _me_ I'm worried about, Natsume." Luca had firmly interrupted his best friend, "I know I have the clearance for the information. It's just… this is risky for you, Natsume. With or without Persona here. Besides, what's there to gain from this? It's not like you can set her free."

Natsume had pleaded in response, "I know I can't set her free. But if I could just let her know… Please, Luca."

Luca had consented, and late last night, Luca had come to Natsume's room with all the information regarding Nonoko Ogasawara.

Five to noon.

Natsume was walking towards the detainment units, specifically towards the Prisoner of War Detention Centre. He walked confidently, his face impassive, his back tall and his shoulders squared.

Nonoko was being kept at the Detention Centre. And according to Luca's information, at noon every day, her lunch was brought directly to her cell.

Natsume entered the Detention Centre; the cadet at the desk saluted at him. Even though he was on probation, Natsume clearly exuded enough authority for people around him to still treat him as if he were a Major General. Determinedly, he walked to the cadet.

"I've been asked to visit Nonoko Ogasawara by Brigadier Luca Nogi." Natsume coolly informed the man.

"Regarding what, sir?"

Natsume raised an eyebrow, challenging the cadet. The cadet's expression faltered. Victorious, Natsume inwardly smirked and continued, "I cannot relay the contents of my message, considering its sensitivity, but I can assure you it is of the highest importance. You can confer and confirm this with him directly. I was told she takes her lunch at noon. Perhaps I can bring her lunch to her cell, and relay the urgent message?"

By his tone, it was very obvious to the cadet that Natsume Hyuuga was not merely suggesting or offering to bring Nonoko Ogasawara her lunch; he was demanding it. The cadet complied; he saw no harm, and there had been no orders from the higher-ups to prevent such interaction.

"This way, sir." The cadet led the way.

* * *

Sitting in her cell alone, Nonoko Ogasawara stared blankly at the ceiling.

She was hungry.

She wondered what lunch today would be.

Probably gruel, _again_, she hazily guessed, exhausted, bored and numb.

Eating bland food made her mind dull, she thought. Honestly, it made her want to die a little bit more too—there just seemed nothing to live for these days. All her senses were deadened.

She clicked her knuckles, and then she observed her hands. They were bony, pale and grey. The absolute lack of sunshine and fresh air made her feel sick at heart. She could only assume that she looked as bad as she felt. These days, she didn't really feel like a human being; rather, she felt like a small mouse, trapped, living off scraps just for the sake of living.

She heard footsteps. She sat up expectantly.

Her cell door unlocked noisily. The door opened. The smell of gruel hit her immediately. She hid her grimace.

It was not the usual officer, she dimly noticed. A new person had brought her lunch today. She couldn't help but examine him—he seemed cruel, she decided (but then again, they all did). He laid the plate down, and then the blunt utensils (no knife, of course). She nodded—not in thanks, but in acknowledgment. After all, what was there to be thankful about in this situation?

Cautiously, she saw that he did not move after setting her food down. She did not move, scared that she might provoke him if she did.

Then, ever so quietly and ever so softly, the man spoke. "Your cousin is safe."

It was barely louder than a whisper. His words had blended with the silence easily. But Nonoko's heart suddenly thumped; her heart had not throbbed this way for a very, very long time. Suddenly, life seeped slowly back into her; colour gradually returned to her cheeks and to her vision.

But then, fear sunk in again.

Who was this man?

"W-What?" she all but croaked in response. She had not spoken aloud in weeks. Her voice sounded horrible, inhumane, quite like a summer bullfrog.

"Umenomiya-san," the man clarified, still very quietly, keeping his face passive, "is safe."

Immediately and instinctively, Nonoko started to cry. Silent and thankful tears ran down her cheeks.

Anna was safe! Anna was _alive! _She had escaped!

All this time she had feared the worst—she had presumed her older cousin to be in the brothels, or the concentration camps, or worse of all, _dead_ (but sometimes she had even thought that death might be the _best_ and _kindest_ alternative).

"Shhh…" the man hushed kindly, comfortingly.

Nonoko looked up at him, as she wiped her tears. Perhaps he did not look as cruel as she first thought. His jaw may be hard and his cheekbones sharp, but his eyes were sincere at the very least.

"Who are you?"

He hesitated, before declaring, "I'm the man who put you here."

Fear returned to her. Distrust and disgust came too.

He quickly continued, "I was saved by Mikan. Mikan Sakura, your friend."

Nonoko whipped her gaze in his direction, shocked and surprised. Mikan, her old friend? What did this man mean 'saved by Mikan'? She saw that his eyes were pleading.

"You were saved by her?"

"I don't have time to explain. It's too dangerous." He said quickly, all under his breath, all in one breath. "Mikan saved me and took me to her's. Umenomiya-san came to her's too. I just wanted to let you know that they are both safe. Umenomiya-san's gone with Mikan to the country-side, away from Hoshikuzu, westwards."

Nonoko couldn't help but cry again. Relief was _drowning _her. She felt vindicated. Maybe the gods had not abandoned her after all.

The man continued with that same quiet voice: "I wanted to apologise to you. I'm sorry for what I did to you, your family and Umimachi, your home… I'm so sorry."

His lips trembled. His hands were clenched. He was sincere. She understood that he did not have time to apologise for everything. For now, she'd take any apology that came her way. For now, though it was not much, this was enough.

"I know you're just a pawn, just like the rest of you men out there." Nonoko murmured in a whisper. "You're just a knight on kamabuki board. It's not your fault. Not really. I know you're not the ones making the moves. You're just on the board; you play a small part within a big game, engineered by those _off_-board." It was as if she were speaking in a trance; her voice was raspy but overwhelmingly prophetic, apocalyptic even. "This war was never about good and evil. From that very first day, it's only been about politics, money and science."

Her visionary words and her eerily calm tone simultaneously stunned and terrified Natsume.

"Science?" He double-checked, his voice laced with perplexity and fear.

She finally met his gaze. Her eyes were hollow, her expression exhausted. "Oh, yes. Science." She clarified rather carelessly before she frowned slightly. "I thought everyone knew this. We've been fighting for so long; surely you must know why by now." Paralyzed, Natsume stared, petrified, his heart thumping loudly. "War occurs when new weapons are developed and new weapons are born during war. It's no coincidence that you've arrested us scientists—although, I doubt that my biochemistry is of any use to you. After all, the dawn of physics is upon us. That's why you're keeping me here, detained, whilst the physicists were all executed, right?"

Natsume's mouth opened and closed. He did not know what to say.

She continued, fatalistically. "I also don't think it was any coincidence that the first place Z invaded was Uran." Meaningfully, she paused (but he did not understand her silence). "Surely you all must know all this by now?"

It was as if she were speaking a different language. Natsume felt like a child, in a room full of adults. "Uran?" He didn't even remember such detail or place. "What's in Uran?"

Nonoko looked at him pitifully. Shaking her head ever so slightly, she sighed quietly, weary of his obliviousness. "What _do _you think you're fighting for then?" She asked with a combined air of genuine curiosity and tedious hopelessness. "Why are you killing us when you don't even know what you're really fighting for? How can you all follow orders so automatically, so blindly? There is much you don't know."

He was shaking now, frightened of both her overwhelming sagacity and his utter ignorance.

Suddenly, they both heard the clanking of a heavy door.

"I-I have to go." Natsume stammered, looking towards the door then back at her.

She nodded indifferently, slithering slowly towards her lunch.

"I'll come see you again."

She looked at him. "What for? It's too risky; you know this. You don't need to. You've delivered your message and _thank you _for that." She was earnest. "Thank you for telling me."

Natsume nodded, but then repented once more, "I am sorry. For everything. Truly."

"I am sorry, too." She wistfully said. "I am sorry that you're just a pawn, caught up in this spider-web of a war. Don't be reckless with the information I just gave you."

As Natsume left the Detainment Centre, sweat erupted outwardly as fear, dread, horror and distress imploded within him. His heart clenched painfully. Every step he took felt like a step towards impending doom. The inexorable march of destiny fatalistically drummed before and behind him. He was stuck in a vacuum, a dark vacuum, completely and utterly powerless, immobilized, and absolutely unable to grasp fate.

He swallowed thickly, finding breathing more and more difficult with every step.

Could it be that this war was much worse and more sinister than he had previously imagined? Is that even possible?

What did science have to do with the war?

What did she mean by that?

Nonoko's ominous insights echoed unnervingly in his head, haunting and shadowing his every step.

He desperately looked around him; he was horrified at the sight. Men, his comrades, were all sitting there, waiting passively for instruction, like hollow men stuffed with straw incapable of autonomous thoughts or actions.

She was right.

They were all just knights on a giant kamabuki board.

But then again, he had always known this.

Yet now, a more horrifying thought possessed him: were they all just part of a large-scale science experiment?

* * *

"Come in," Lieutenant General Narumi called, keeping his eyes on the war reports laid before him when he heard two rapid knocks at his door. He looked up. He smiled; it was Natsume. But soon, his smile melted away and he frowned. "Natsume? What's wrong?" He put his pen down.

Natsume clambered into Narumi's office, trembling. He immediately fell into a chair, panting laboriously.

"What happened?" Narumi got up, concerned. He crouched by the chair to get a better look at Natsume. "You're drenched in sweat! You look terrible!"

"I-I'm fine," Natsume gasped, "just… just get me a glass of _something_. I don't care what it is. I just need something."

Here, Narumi was not Natsume's superior: here, Narumi was Natsume's mentor and friend. Narumi quickly and worriedly complied; he fetched a glass and poured two shots of brandy for Natsume.

"Here." He kindly offered him the drink.

Thankful but still shaking, Natsume took the glass from Narumi and downed the contents in one go. His immediate reaction was to wince; then, he put the glass down.

"What happened to you? Did you hear back from General Persona?" Narumi knew this to be unlikely—in terms of hierarchy, he was certain that he would hear of Natsume's new rank position even before Natsume did.

Natsume shook his head. "No."

Narumi had no intention of forcing it out of Natsume. He let him regain his breath and composure.

Finally, Natsume spoke. "Naru… what's going on?" His tone was beseeching, pleading for some clarity and truth. "Why are we fighting this war? What weapons are we developing?"

Narumi poured himself a glass of brandy. Slowly, he sat back down on his chair and deliberately drank his drink slowly.

"Narumi," Natsume begged, his hand still trembling, his eyes imbued with heaviness, "what are we doing?"

Narumi exhaled steadily. "Well… I don't know all the details. This is true. But from what I've deduced, simply from reading all these reports, and feeling the _climate_ of this war right now, I think I'm pretty confident when I say that something is going to happen soon." He paused, hesitated, and then continued, "There's been rumours and background murmuring for the past two months now. There are whispers from Whitehall that talk of a Final Solution."

"Final Solution? What does that mean?" He was desperate and frantic.

Regrettably and despondently Narumi shook his head. "I'm none the wiser."

"But you're a Lieutenant General," Natsume anxiously implored, "surely _some _information must have trickled down to you—"

"If there's any truth in these whispers... if a Final Solution really _does _exist, I gather that only the _top of the top_ know what this solution is. It must be absolutely top secret. The rest of us are in the dark."

Natsume shut his eyes, blackening out the world, escaping from its cold clutches. He wanted to crawl into Mikan's arms, curl up, and cry, like a baby and be absolutely dependent on her. He wanted to clutch her and he wanted her to stroke his hair, promising everything would be all right in the end.

"All I know for certain," Narumi continued, pulling him away from his wishes, "is that there'll be a full-scale invasion of Central soon. Probably in two months, after we gain more ground in Hoshikuzu and the surrounding districts."

Mikan's image pulsated more vividly in his mind. He hoped with all his heart that she was far, far, _far _away from Hoshikuzu and Central. Now, he dreamed of comforting her, holding her, caressing her face, kissing her eyelids, telling her that she was safe, sound and loved.

Meditating upon her soothed his nerves. Instinctively, he clutched the pocket by his heart.

He looked at Narumi. Narumi smiled, encouragingly. Natsume thought of the man Narumi once was.

Curiosity got the better of him. "What are you going to do after the war?"

Narumi pondered pensively. Then, "I don't think I'll be able to return to society so easily after all I've seen and done." He admitted gravely. "But who knows. I suppose I won't know until it's over."

Once he left Narumi's, he returned to his office to write Mikan another letter. Writing to her had become both a habit and a coping mechanism. Before his pen touched the page, he clutched his pocket again, closed his eyes envisioning Mikan, and murmured quietly: "Please be safe, please be safe… please be well, please be well…"

* * *

Many, many miles away, on a dirt road, at that exact moment without any warning, Mikan collapsed.

Anna stopped mid-step. Petrified, wide-eyed, she stared unblinkingly. Lying there motionlessly on the floor, Mikan looked like a heap of broken images. She did not stir.

The other three walking before her had not noticed Mikan's fall.

The frozen fear thawed; frantic fear came next.

Anna screamed.

"Mikan? Mikan?! MIKAN!" Anna urgently and frenziedly called, shrieking, releasing Youichi's hand to rush to her friend that lay unconscious on the ground. Her cries caught everyone's attention, almost immediately, the three men were hovering over Mikan too, frightened and deeply concerned.

"Mikan!" Anna howled, holding her friend's limp body. "Mikan, what's wrong—"

Youichi had not moved an inch since he witnessed Mikan collapse in front of him; he had been paralyzed by the sight. But now that he saw Anna crying, Subaru crouching down beside her, Tsubasa shouting and Yuu quaking, Youichi stepped backwards, terrified.

Is that how people die? Youichi wondered, horrified. So suddenly? So abruptly?

His ghost arm pulsed painfully. His heart hurt so much. He started to bawl, and he only had one hand to wipe his tears away.

"Move!" Subaru harshly instructed the others, pushing Tsubasa, "Let me see her!"

Quivering, gasping and sobbing, Anna compiled. She grabbed Yuu, who was closest to her, and cried into his shoulder, desperate for comfort and a human touch.

Subaru picked Mikan up and brought her to the shade. He laid her on her back, lowered her head before he raised her legs up against the tree. Not twenty seconds later, Mikan stirred.

Anna choked, gratitude seizing her heart. "Oh, thank the gods… the gods are good…"

Juddering, Mikan suddenly inhaled deeply. Her eyes flew open. She gasped for breath; her breathing, quick and sharp, punctured the surroundings, as she flittingly looked from left to right. Soon, her breathing stabilized and she slowly sat up.

"Don't stand." Subaru instructed her. "Here, drink there." He passed her water.

She didn't realize how thirsty she was until she swallowed her first gulp.

"Mikan," Anna, still crying, sat close by, "are you okay? Do you feel alright?"

Mikan nodded. "I'm alright." She weakly smiled.

"She fainted." Subaru informed everyone, before looking down at Mikan. "It must be fatigue combined with emotional stress. It's hot today too. You must have been dehydrated." He turned to Tsubasa. "We need to rest for a while. It might even be a mild heat stroke."

Tsubasa concurred.

They had not come across any means of transport in all these days they had been walking towards Karuiyaza. The country roads were empty and abandoned. They had the money, but with no one to offer it to, money was absolutely useless—the bills were mere scraps of paper.

Trying her best to forget the grogginess that weighed her down, Mikan looked around, searching for Youichi. She spotted him, some ten yards away. He looked absolutely petrified. She called his name.

"Come, Youichi, come."

Slowly, he came.

He was scared to look at her in the face.

"What's wrong?" Mikan kindly smiled, holding out a hand to him. "Do I look that bad, You-chan?"

Truthfully, yes she did, Youichi thought. She looked ghoulish. He didn't want to hurt her feelings though; not to mention, he knew he shouldn't forget his manners. Mikan was a woman, and women should always be treated respectfully. At least, that's was Romi had said.

"No. You look okay."

Mikan pressed her lips together. "I'm sorry I scared you. But it's nothing to worry about!" she promised him, cheerfully. "I just felt a bit dizzy. I didn't drink enough water. Silly me, right?"

He nodded apprehensively. Then, gingerly, he sat beside her, and burrowed his head in her chest and hugged her. Her arms encased him. He silently cried.

"I'm okay, You-chan… I'm okay…." She softly reassured him, soothingly, like a lullaby.

Anna sat on her other side. She held out some food. "Eat this. You need the energy."

"Thank you, Anna."

"We'll camp here today." Tsubasa announced. "We shouldn't travel when—"

Suddenly, Yuu gasped. It was a gasp of pure elation. "Hold your horses, Tsubasa," he turned on them, beaming _so _brightly, before thrusting his hand triumphantly towards the horizon, "look! A truck! And it's headed this way!"

It was the best news they had heard in days. Tsubasa's exhaustion lifted as he ran to the centre of the road, waving enthusiastically; Subaru felt invigorated; Anna abruptly stood up, fumbling around to withdraw the money.

Mikan looked down at Youichi and smiled. "See, You-chan? Everything's going to be okay. We're going to get a lift now."

She dares not say it out loud, but contrary to her words and smiles, she definitely did not feel okay. Dimly, she watched as Anna and Tsubasa approached the truck; the truck slowed down. (Mikan did not feel all right.) A kind-looking middle-aged man listened to Anna and Tsubasa's pleas and requests; (Mikan felt as if she were slipping away) the man nodded, agreeing, and jubilantly, Anna twirled around, only to give a huge thumbs-up in Mikan and Youichi's direction, a bright smile on her face (it was as if Mikan were being _beckoned _to come to the other side—pulled away from her friends and little Youichi).

"Let's go!" Tsubasa gleefully cried, delighted and bursting with joy. Luck was finally turning in their favour! Finally, finally!

Forcing a smile, Mikan arduously pulled herself up. She hid her wincing. Something was definitely not right. _Am I dying? _Instinctively, Mikan's fingers found themselves holding the red stone around her neck, desperate for comfort. Thoughts of Natsume filled her from head to toe.

Cold fear gripped her: what if _she_ died before the war ended? If she died, she would be breaking their promise.

And what if he survived, came to her house in Hoshikuzu, and she was not there, but rather dead and buried underground?

If she died, he'd wait for her all his life, wasting it all away, and she'd have to wait for him on the other side.

She felt sick and weak.

Her death would be the cruelest thing she could ever do to Natsume. She had to continue on _this _side—she could not slip and fall on the path of the other side, no matter how sweetly it called to her.

* * *

**A/N**: You're probably all like, "Um, didn't you say you weren't going to update until the end of May… after your exams? Shouldn't you be revising?" Yes, I said that. Yes, I should be revising. BUT THEN MY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, LIAR OF A PRIME MINISTER JUST HAD TO CALL A SUDDEN SNAP ELECTION, THROWING MY COUNTRY INTO CHAOS ONCE AGAIN, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Anyone living in the U.K. over 18: **REGISTER TO VOTE****. **I CANNOT stress this ENOUGH. PLEASE, YOUNG VOTES MATTER SO MUCH! I know the chances of purging the court of Tory liars are minimal but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE VOTE! And if you're still young, ENCOURAGE YOUR PARENTS/SIBLINGS/OLDER FRIENDS ETC.

Anyone not from the U.K. who's confused af to what I just said or meant—just look up 'Brenda from Bristol' on YouTube. She explains it all in less than a minute.

I always write whenever I'm upset, and I've been really disenchanted with the world—specially the political realm—for the past two years (that's probably where _Resistance_ came from—it's a product of my disenchantment).

Anyway. Thank you all so much for your reviews!

ToukaKanekiUlle: Thank you for your dedication to this story! I hope you enjoyed this update :)

SunBabyBoss: Thank you so much—I'll try my best in my exam. That's all we can do, I guess. Hope you liked this chapter! :)

blueabyss16: Thank you for the exam well wishes. I'm sorry the past few chapters have made you cry—I cried too, specifically when Aoi and Natsume spoke. And your hunch on Tsubasa… all I'm going to say is that he is going to play a big role in future chapters… (drumroll, dun dun dun, Beethoven's 5th Symphony plays) Thanks for your review!

SFwhdnznddn: Hi, thanks for your review! Yes, there will be a death. I won't say who, or even hint—my lips are sealed. Hopefully you liked meeting Nonoko here—probably not very happy or encouraging though… Hotaru WILL be mentioned more as the story develops, but for now, she's still in the background. Her time will come though. And yes, Mikan is hurting a lot—she pretends to be happy but she's devastated :(

Guest (aka Capslock Bae): Well, Anna's said she'll try to forgive Natsume, but she didn't promise anything. She said it to comfort Mikan more than anything else—I think the reality of her forgiving Natsume will be very, very hard—virtually impossible. My lips are sealed though, I can't say more without giving it all away. Kaname will appear in the next chapter :) Hopefully you liked seeing Nonoko in this chapter (or maybe not so much, considering she's locked up…). She's not there to infiltrate, she is definitively a prisoner, but she definitely knows things… More on the Alicean army will come in the coming chapters! And haha—I know, I have to stop distracting myself, but writing it just so cathartic to me, some part of me can't help it! Exams are stressful, life is stressful, my country is shit… writing's the only thing to turn to during times like these. Alicea/Alicia – that made me giggle. Maybe I'll stick in a minor OC called Alicia in a future chapter ;)

BloodRedRubies: Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot. To answer your question on Hotaru, yes, she will appear, but not for some time. She'll be mentioned more in the upcoming chapters though! And about your hunch concerning a happy ending between Natsume and Mikan… what do you think after this chapter? (My lips are sealed) Thanks for your review!

AnimeMango: Hope you liked meeting Nonoko! And thank you – I'll try my best to do well in my upcoming exams! Thanks for the review :)

layliaman98: Yes :) I realised I never really divulged how Mikan stumbled across Natsume, so I just inserted it in the previous chapter. Yeah, I think Mikan is just really torn in two—she knows that her country is equally guilty in war, but right now, she can't help but think that Z is the true enemy. She's being pulled left and right. I know – writing about Youichi makes me sad too :( I will say though, in the next chapter, he'll make a new friend ;) (any guesses who?). And Tsubasa—I said this to another reviewer, but Tsubasa will be playing a big role in future chapters, so you're definitely right to be anxious about him. His feelings of anger and hurt are coming from a good place though—he's worried for Mikan, and he mourns for his country. Sadly, his hatred towards Z blinds him. Thank you for your support and review!

yukhira min ho: Thank you :) Hope you liked this chapter too.


	20. Distortion

**A/N**: I don't own Alice Gakuen

**Distortion**

* * *

The truck that had stopped for them belonged to a man who called himself Noda. A man in fifties, kind and gentle, Mikan listened to his stories as she lay down in the back of the truck, her eyes closed. The open back of the truck meant that Noda's voice was carried by the wind, and she heard snatches of conversation as she lay, resting.

He was a man from the past: he did not understand this world they lived in. "Alicea has changed." He had said earlier. "The people, the spirit, the very air… I feel like a new age is dawning upon us. I don't know if I will belong in such an age."

She felt the splashes of patched sunshine upon her face as the truck drove under a few snatches of trees. She heard the soft tunes of the world passing, blurring around her. Though her eyes were closed, the sun made everything orange and warm under her eyelids.

Another two hours until they reached Karuiyaza.

Youichi lay beside her. Anna was sat close by, keeping an eye on Mikan, ever so slightly worried about her friend's health. Subaru too—his cool eyes inspected her cautiously. Tsubasa and Yuu were conversing with Noda, asking him on his opinion of the war.

"It will only end when those at the top say so," Noda gravely said before dismissing the conversation, "let us not talk of this. It is too taxing."

There, in the sunshine, as the truck rolled determinedly forward, Mikan's mind wandered directionless, dilating, as the memories from her past and the thought of Natsume flitted in and out seamlessly and continuously. She thought of Hotaru; she thought of her first day as a teacher; she thought of her first day at school as a child; she thought of her grandpa; she thought of her parents, and then, her mind dwelled on the image of Natsume before she remembered the way he used to play and fiddle with her hair.

"_Your hair has grown." _

_She pulled her hair to one side of her shoulder before she examined it in the small mirror, before looking at Natsume's reflection. His eyes were on her. "I suppose it has."_

_He softly gathered her hair at the back before his fingers combed through it. _

"_You love my hair."_

_He did not admit or deny it; he simply continued to brush it with a soft touch, but his gentleness and tender expression said it all. She found her hairbrush and passed it back to him. Wordlessly, he took it and started to brush her long hair. He focused completely on his task, gazing at the way it rippled down her back, admiring its soft texture and the loose curls that danced in her hair. _

"_I used to brush my sister's hair when she was young."_

_Mikan smiled. _

_He smiled back. "Her hair is short though. It always has been. But who knows, perhaps nowadays her hair is as long as yours." A small, warm silence passed between them. "I used to plait her hair too. Before she slept. Can I plait yours?"_

"_Of course."_

_He kissed her temple, right on her hairline. _

_He was so gentle, so gentle… _

She dimly recalled how his lips felt on her neck; the way his arms would hold her tightly from behind in bed as they lay; his deep, slow speaking voice; his accommodating hands—all these little details sewed enchantingly together in her mind, creating a beautiful incandescent collage, a glimmering patchwork comprised of different days, different moments…

Soon, she slept, sinking softly in her sweet memories. The future did not seem so scary when she was hugged by the past.

* * *

Tsubasa helped Mikan off the truck—she was the last to disembark. They had arrived in Karuiyaza—the thick, wanton trees provided a deep, shaded canopy, and the whole forest squeaked and chirped as the insects and animals watched the new arrivals gingerly, suspiciously.

"You alright?" Tsubasa asked, gripped her shoulder firmly. She nodded. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Mikan sincerely answered, "I feel much better after resting." She promised, with a cheery smile.

He nodded approvingly. "His house is just down that path. It'll take us less than five minutes." The path was too narrow for the truck, so they had to walk the last leg of the journey.

Mikan thanked Noda; Anna and Youichi echoed her sentiments. Noda thought Youichi's bow was very sweet.

Then, Anna held Mikan's arm, pulling her in the direction of the path as Youichi held her other hand. "We'll go slowly." Anna assured her, as they begun the very end of their journey.

Tsubasa watched Mikan's step—yes, she seemed more stable, stronger. Relieved, Tsubasa now turned to Noda. "Again, thank you so much. Your kindness will not be forgotten." He respectfully bowed; Yuu and Subaru also bowed deeply in thanks. They had already given Noda some money to convey their gratitude.

"It was no trouble. You will learn that it is easier to be kind than to be cruel. Something we forget." Noda smiled paternally. "Thank you for the money. I'll put it to good use."

"Treat yourself." Tsubasa grinned as he patted the man's arm. "Have a big meal on us."

Subaru shook Noda's hand. "Be safe."

"We will see each again, be it in this life or the next… or perhaps in the life after the next."

And off Noda drove away, serenely and humbly.

As Yuu followed the others down the path, he mused on the strangeness of Noda. Truly, he did not seem to be a man of this time. His collectedness, calmness and wisdom made Yuu momentarily believe that he was a man who transcended time. Yuu shook his head at his own silliness. This was no time to philosophise about time—no; it was all about the _now. _He shook these musings away, pulling his full focus on the dirt road in front of him.

The deeper they ventured into the forest, the cooler and darker it became. It was not a sinister forest; rather, it felt sheltered, offering a semblance of security. That was why Anna was surprised when Tsubasa called for her in a warning tone: "Slow down, Anna, stop. I need to lead you. I need to be first."

"We're okay," she called back, but she stopped anyway, halting Mikan and Youichi with her.

Tsubasa caught up to the trio. He grinned, "You won't be okay when Bear appears."

Anna paled, "There are bears in this forest?!"

Youichi, on the other hand, lit up. Excitement brightened his dull cheeks. "Bears?! Cool!"

Mikan smiled down at him, longingly remembering that Youichi had lost his arm for his beloved teddy bear.

"Nah, just Bear. One bear. He's Kaname's pet."

Yuu looked scandalized. "He has a pet bear called Bear? Is that safe?"

Tsubasa looked unnerved; he casually nodded. "Sure. He's tame."

"A tame bear? That's a paradox, if I ever heard one." Subaru commented. He didn't look thrilled at this news either.

"Yeah. He's a good, smart animal. But sometimes he's a bit wary around new faces. So let me go first. Just in case."

Everyone glanced at each other nervously as Tsubasa led the way—everyone except Youichi. Youichi bounced towards Tsubasa and held his hand, desperate for more information. "Is it a big bear? Or a small one?"

Mikan fondly watched him skip alongside Tsubasa with a smile. "That's the happiest he's been in a while." She murmured to Anna.

Anna agreed, but then she frowned. "I hope this bear is as tame as Tsubasa thinks it is."

Yuu joined the conversation, "What kind of person keeps a pet bear?"

"Tsubasa's friend, I guess."

Despite their close acquaintance, Mikan did not know much about Tsubasa's childhood. He had explained that Kaname was a childhood friend but he had not divulged any more information. Mikan briefly wondered whether Kaname was also part of the black market, like Tsubasa. But what would someone from a syndicate be doing here, living so far away in such an isolated forest?

They all smelt the burning of firewood before Kaname's house came into sight.

Suddenly, Anna gripped Mikan's arm in pure fear—a big, brown bear was bounding towards them, heading straight for Tsubasa—

"You-chan!" Mikan cried as a reflexive maternal instinct coursed through her veins, electrifying her adrenaline—she was running towards him before she even knew it.

"Bear!"

There was no need for worry, no need for Mikan to run so frantically. True to Tsubasa's word, the bear was friendly—it immediately nuzzled its large face against Tsubasa's torso, groaning and yowling loudly, affectionately. Mikan stopped running as she watched this interaction with wonderstruck amazement. Youichi could not contain his squeals.

"I want to touch Bear! Me! Me!" He begged, excited. "Introduce me, introduce me!"

"Shh, Youichi, calm down or else you'll excite Bear—"

"Tsubasa, is that you?"

It was a woman's voice. Outside the steps of the house stood a woman with dark red hair. She was tall and slender. Mikan couldn't tell if she looked happy or shocked to see Tsubasa. Perhaps a bit of both. Mikan was surprised, however, to see the sheepish expression on Tsubasa's face—never in all her years of knowing him had Mikan ever seen Tsubasa look like that. He looked like a child who had just been told off; his head was hung ever so slightly in shame.

"Hey, Misaki. Yeah, it's me. I thought you'd be here."

An uncomfortable silence followed (Youichi, who had befriended the bear, was the only one who was completely oblivious to this tense atmosphere—he giggled as he stroked Bear's head caringly).

The woman stepped forward. Her eyes remained firmly on Tsubasa. Tsubasa fidgeted uncomfortably.

She finally spoke. "You idiot."

He winced, "Misaki—"

"Who are your friends?" Her tone of voice was completely different as she addressed the others. She even smiled at them, ignoring Tsubasa. Mikan opened her mouth but no words came out.

Subaru stepped forward, "We're from Hoshikuzu."

That seemed to be enough. Immediately, Misaki's eyes softened. "Oh. I'm so sorry. I… I heard what happened there on the radio. I'm sorry. Truly."

Mikan's eyes welled up instinctively at her words. She thought of everything she had lost.

Misaki turned to Tsubasa. "You were in Hoshikuzu? I thought you were in Central."

"I," Tsubasa cleared his throat, "I go between Central and Hoshikuzu. Hoshikuzu is not far from Central – some even call it the outskirts. Misaki," she flinched when he called her name; he noted not to make that mistake again, "I think you know why I'm here. Why we're all here." He motioned to them all.

She nodded, averting her gaze. "Kaname's asleep. He's napping. You know, I knew something was up when Bear ran but made no noise. He usually alerts us of visitors. But more than that, this morning, I woke up and knew it was one of those days. The air felt different." She sighed. "Come in, all of you. You must be hungry."

* * *

Despite her initial frostiness towards Tsubasa, Misaki proved herself to be an incredibly charming and warm person. She passed food around, brought bread to the table, and got a glass of milk for everyone. She laughed raucously, sniggered unreservedly, and boisterously slapped Yuu's arm when he told her he didn't want seconds. "Nonsense! Eat! You're no better than a toothpick! What use do I have for a toothpick man?"

She proved her point by slapping him on the back—he went flying forwards much to Youichi's amusement.

Yet despite this, towards Tsubasa, Misaki's words were strained. Everyone could not help but wonder what her relationship with Tsubasa was, or what it had been before. Something had clearly occurred between them in the past; from her apprehensive attitude and his look of indignity, everyone could only speculate that Tsubasa had wronged her once upon a time. Youichi did not care so much for this—he was more preoccupied with Bear outside. Bear was not allowed in the house (save for rainy days) and Youichi could not wait to go back outside to play with his new friend.

"Close your mouth when you chew, You-chan," Mikan admonished, "there's no need to guzzle down your food like that. Slow down."

"So, let me see if I got this." Misaki said, as she sat back down, slamming Yuu's plate, refilled with food, in front of him. "Yuu; Mikan; Anna; Subaru; Youichi?"

They all nodded.

Youichi added, "Everyone calls me You-chan!" He returned to his plate of food. Misaki's eyes lingered on his missing limb. She glanced at Tsubasa, and Tsubasa's grave, subtle nod confirmed that Youichi had lost his arm in the recent invasion. She felt at a complete loss. Here, in the forest, the war had always felt very far away, but Youichi's missing arm finally unearthed it, brought it to the very confines of her home.

Kaname's house was, in one word, earthy: the wood interior, the plush couches, the homely fireplace, and the many mugs that hung from the ceiling gave the impression of 'Grandma's Home' from a fairytale. It was spacious too, a three story house with an attic to top it off; Misaki had promised to show them all to their rooms upstairs after their meal.

Here, in this warm, calm house, Mikan felt much better. Her dizzy spell had finally dispelled. Perhaps she had been weakened by their recent lack of food and excessive travelling. Perhaps Subaru was right; perhaps she had developed post-traumatic stress disorder. But here, she felt grounded for the first time in a long time. This was not her home, but it was a comforting place of refuge nonetheless.

Misaki suddenly stood up, "Kaname—"

Tsubasa's chair screeched as he also abruptly stood up.

They all turned to see a blonde, frail man standing by the doorway; he was holding himself up by clutching the doorknob. Misaki rushed to him and helped stabilize him.

"Kaname—"

Kaname ignored Misaki's worried voice; instead, he serenely smiled at his friend who stood before him. "Tsubasa. I thought I heard your voice. Long time no see."

Tsubasa's worried expression slowly melted; now, he grinned with a familiar ease. "You too, Blondie. Here, let's sit you down."

Together, Misaki and Tsubasa helped the hobbling Kaname to a sit at the table—all of them stood up to offer their seats to Kaname, but he kindly shook his head. "I'm fine, I'm fine; I can sit here."

Kaname was a gentle soul trapped in sickly body. One look at him dispelled the possibility that Kaname was also part of an underground syndicate. After watching his labored breathing pattern, gentle breathlessness and frailty, Subaru soon deduced that he had a pulmonary illness. He could only guess its severity. This explained why he lived here, in the remote countryside, where the air was clean and fresh.

"Look, Kaname. I know you're not well. But I promise we won't be trouble. We'll stay out of your way. We'll leave after we've all recovered and once we figure out where to go—"

"Tsubasa. You've never liked to depend on others. I know that. But don't for a second think I'm going to kick you and all your friends out. You're free to stay here as long as you want. There's enough space. We must stick together. There is strength in numbers." Kaname kindly smiled. "I'm also sure Misaki's thrilled too. I can tell she has longed for some girlfriends." Mikan and Anna smiled back in response. Kaname turned to Youichi. "You like Bear?"

Youichi nodded zealously. "Yes! How did you meet him? Do you think he likes me?"

Mikan watched the scene unfold before her with a peaceful smile. Youichi was back. He was finally back. She had to stop herself from crying as relief overwhelmed her emotions. Youichi soon ran off outside to play with Bear.

Now the child was out the room, the adults all sighed gravely and the talk of war resumed. Mikan hated it. She hated it so much. She hated that the war was always on their mind; she hated that the war was always the first choice of conversation; she hated to meditate on the fact that Natsume was fighting in this war, against her fellow countrymen.

"That poor child," Misaki murmured, as she watched Youichi from the window, "poor, poor child."

"He needs a checkup," Subaru said, pushing his glasses further up his nose, "I need to confirm everything is healing well. He needs rest."

"We have a lot of medication here," Kaname said, "your more than welcome to look through my medicine cabinet and see if there's anything of use."

Subaru nodded in thanks before he asked, "Is there a phone I can use? I need to phone my sister. She doesn't yet know that we are all safe."

_Hotaru_, Mikan thought… she had not spoken to her for weeks. Was she alive? Was she okay? She must have been so worried after hearing about Hoshikuzu's attack. Mikan knew Subaru was the most important person in Hotaru's life—she will speak to her later, after Subaru, she decided, putting her desires second to the Imai siblings'. She had a lot to discuss with Hotaru after all.

"Yes, of course." Kaname replied. Misaki stood up, announcing that she will show him, before turning to the rest of them, asking them to join her on her tour of the house.

* * *

Evening descended, the day had died; a few hours later, Youichi was lying on the couch, lounging. The adults played cards at the table near by.

Everyone was more or less settled in. The travellers all felt better once Misaki had showed them their rooms earlier, for it consolidated a sense of rest and recovery. Mikan and Anna were sharing a room upstairs; Tsubasa was sharing a room with Yuu, and for now, Subaru was sharing a room with Youichi. Youichi had sulked at first, expressing his wishes to bunk with Mikan and Anna instead, but Subaru had insisted that it would be best for Youichi to sleep in the same room as him so he could keep an eye on the boy's recovery and condition. Kindly, Subaru had promised that Youichi could sleep in Mikan's room once he was better (Mikan had agreed), and that had mollified the little boy.

After a stunning victory, Mikan brusquely stood up, pushing her cards to the centre of the table. "I'm going to sit the next one out."

Anna, in charge of shuffling, collected all the cards at the centre of the table. She noticed her friend's wavering voice, and glanced up at her. Her eyes froze on her. She frowned; she did not like what she saw. "Are you alright?"

They all looked; now that they regarded her, they saw Mikan did not look well once again. That same greyish tinge marked her as a sheen of clammy sweat erupted along her hairline and forehead. Youichi stood up from the couch and looked at Mikan too. Despite his day of fun with Bear, suddenly, that same feeling of dread returned to him as he saw that Mikan's hands were faintly shaking.

"I'm fine… I just need some rest." She stumbled forwards.

Subaru shot up first. "You're clearly not fine."

Anna stood up too. "Mikan—"

Mikan gripped her chair with one hand as she massaged her temples with the other. "I was fine five minutes ago, I promise… it's just so sudden…" Then abruptly, without warning, Mikan made a retching noise. Immediately she rushed off in the direction of the bathroom, and Anna thundered behind her.

"Goodness," Misaki's hands were clapped to her mouth, "what's wrong with her? Has she been ill recently?"

"She fainted earlier today," Yuu explained, "she's exhausted."

Subaru made his way over across the room, but then, Youichi's little voice rooted him to the spot: "Is Mikan sick because she carried me?"

For a large part of their journey, Mikan had carried Youichi on her back, holding his weight as her own. He hadn't voiced it, but earlier when she had fainted, Youichi had been sure he was the one responsible for her downfall. He had momentarily been convinced that he was the last straw that broke her back, the one who ruined it all.

Youichi's lip trembled.

_Because she carried me… carried me… carried…_

Clarity struck. Suddenly, Subaru understood. It all made sense. Yes, he had picked up that Mikan and Romi had been very close, but he never presumed that they were more than just friends…

"Don't worry, Youichi." Subaru slowly said as the magnitude of the revelation set in. "She's not unwell because she carried _you_." He rushed off out of the room.

Tsubasa made to move but Misaki stopped him. "No. We shouldn't crowd her. She needs space." She made her way over to the couch and sat beside Youichi. She put her arm around him. "It's alright. Nothing is your fault."

Tsubasa sat back down, agitated, anxious. Yuu bit his lip. He liked Mikan. It was not fair she was suffering so (but then again, a lot of things were not fair in this world).

"She'll be fine," Kaname promised sincerely. "I am sure of it."

Nonetheless, Youichi quietly cried. When Misaki heard Youichi's sniffles, suddenly, a thought occurred to her. She regarded the child pensively. She reflected on the way Subaru stressed the word 'you'. Then, she turned to Tsubasa and Yuu and asked, "Is Mikan married?"

"No."

She didn't think so. She hadn't spotted a ring. "A sweetheart, then?"

Yuu did not know; he looked at Tsubasa for the answer.

Tsubasa's face hardened ever so slightly as he remembered 'Romi', the rat. Through gritted teeth, he confirmed, "Something of the sort."

Beside her, through his sniffles, Youichi fervently added, "Mikan has Romi. Romi is her boyfriend."

"Ah. I see." Misaki patted his head comfortingly. "And where is Romi now?"

"Fighting," Youichi said, "he had to go fight."

Misaki's heart clenched painfully—poor, poor Mikan with her sweetheart fighting in the war—she sadly smiled down at Youichi. Briefly, from her peripheral vision, she saw Tsubasa scowl hatefully at Youichi's words (she wondered fleetingly whether Tsubasa liked Mikan; her heart pounded at the thought).

Tsubasa, in an acerbic tone, bit out, "Why does that matter anyway? What does he have to do with Mikan's illness?" But then, understanding finally fell on him too; his eyes widened and his jaw slackened. He fell heavily back down on his chair in complete and utter disbelief. "No… no… _no…_she can't be…"

* * *

Mikan groaned as Anna rubbed her back. She had emptied out all the contents of her stomach in the toilet and she breathed heavily, trying to get some air back into her system. Vomiting was exhausting; her whole body ached, shuddering as her eyes tiredly fluttered. Black dots pulsed cripplingly behind her eyes.

"Better?" Anna asked.

Mikan weakly nodded, not really meaning it.

"Maybe you ate something funny."

"I don't think so. None of you are ill and we've been eating the same thing. No; I just wasted food." Mikan shook her head regretfully.

"It's not your fault."

"People are starving in this country and here I am, throwing it all up."

"Don't say that, Mikan."

Anna swiftly whipped her head back when she heard a tentative knock at the toilet door. Subaru's face appeared through the crack. Anna nodded and stood up to allow Subaru into the bathroom.

Mikan did not want anyone to worry. Mikan did not want people to flock around her. And so, without turning, she insisted in a forced voice, "I'm alright."

She did not sound so. Subaru motioned for Anna to step aside. Anna complied. Subaru stepped forward and crouched beside Mikan who still heaved by the toilet. He put his hand on her back. Feebly, she glanced and grimaced.

In a steady and calm voice, Subaru said, "Mikan, I've known you since you were a little girl." Mikan faintly frowned; was Subaru using his 'doctor' voice on her? "You can trust me."

"I know that," she croaked, for the bile had damaged her throat, "you're like a big brother."

"I need you to be honest with me." He didn't give her an opportunity to respond, for he instantly asked, "Did you engage in sexual intercourse with Romi?" His voice and tone were both incredibly straightforward and direct. He did not waver in the slightest.

Anna, on the other hand, went pink and uncomfortably looked away.

Immediately, Natsume flashed through Mikan's mind—more specifically, them, in bed together, him on top of her, his mouth pressed against her neck as he panted, groaning, holding her tightly, pushing himself into her as she clutched his head to her neck, moaning.

Mikan faltered. It was hard to banish such intimate thoughts. She opened then closed her mouth. Her first instinctive reaction was to tell Subaru that her relationship with Natsume was none of his business. But then, just when she was about to say so, she looked into his violet eyes—his eyes were same shade as Hotaru's. His gaze was calm, nonjudgmental and steady… just like Hotaru's. Mikan felt tears prick her eyes. She could not lie to those eyes. She could not hide the truth from Hotaru's eyes. She held his gaze.

"Yes. I did."

He did not visibly react to this information. Instead, Subaru continued his questioning, "When was your last menstruation cycle?"

Her silence said it all.

Anna clasped her hand to her mouth understanding what this all meant.

Mikan blinked. She blankly stared at his face, and Subaru saw that her vision was going out of focus. Then, without warning, her eyes were completely drowning in tears, understanding finally setting in—tears gushed from her eyes as she abruptly stood up and looked down towards her stomach.

"Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, _God!_" Mikan clambered back as if were trying to escape something. Her arms were raised as she regarded her stomach with fear; she jumped and scrambled to escape, but she realized with blinding fear and horror that she could not escape from _this_, for no matter how many steps she retreated, her stomach, her _baby_ will always be with her. A baby was growing inside of her—her and Natsume's baby was there with her, _in _her, there—

"Oh, God! No! No!" Mikan wailed loudly. "Get it away, get it away!" Her back slammed against the wall loudly.

"Mikan!"

Subaru held her tightly. "Mikan, calm down! Stressing out is bad for the baby—"

"Baby!" Mikan yowled excruciatingly as she wept. "No, no, no!" She pressed her face against Subaru's chest as he tightly hugged her. "I can't, I can't, I can't do this… no, please God, _no! Please!_"

Anna covered her face with her hands as silent but violent sobs wracked her body. She fell to the floor too.

Never, in all his life as a doctor, had Subaru felt so powerless and worthless as his little sister's best friend howled in his arms, crying at the news of her pregnancy. No patient of his had ever reacted this agonizingly to such news. But here, he understood, birth was not always joyous occasion; it could very well be a terrifying and lonesome reality.

"I'm not ready to be a mother," Mikan sobbed heavily as she clung on to Subaru's shirt tightly, "I can't do this, I can't do this alone… I need him, I need him… Please _God_, no…"

Subaru grimaced as he thought of Romi, so far away, fighting, completely unaware of Mikan's situation and his impending fatherhood.

She needed Natsume. But he was her country's enemy, residing behind enemy lines, many miles away—_that man_ was the father of her unborn child, and there was a chance that he may never know, let alone see their child. The child may never know his father. A child made out of pure, sincere and selfless love would be born into this world of division, hatred and prejudice. Could such a child survive in such environment? What if the child hated Mikan and Natsume for bringing it into the world? Worse, what if the child hated itself? All these thoughts swarmed Mikan's mind as she wept; she felt as if she were torn in two, ripped from the inside out, consumed by a grief so powerful and strong.

* * *

In the living room, Youichi hugged Misaki tightly. "Why is Mikan crying like that? Is she hurt very badly?"

She saw that he was terrified, his eyes wide. Misaki gently smiled down at him, tapping him nose to bring his attention to her. "She'll be alright. She's just in shock."

Her cries that reverberated down the hall and into the living room only confirmed to the adults that Mikan was indeed pregnant. Despite Misaki's reassurance, everyone in the room felt the dense, heavy grief. Yuu, Misaki and Kaname meditated on the agony Mikan must be feeling—poor, poor Mikan, alone and pregnant, with her lover so far away putting his life on the line for Alicea.

Whilst the others deliberated regretfully, Tsubasa ruminated gloomily.

Whilst the others prayed for Romi's safe return, Tsubasa did no such thing.

Tsubasa had initially been paralyzed by shock at the mere prospect of Mikan having a Z's baby, but now, as he heard her wailing cries, fury, anger and disgust possessed him once again. His heart clenched in pure resentment, and he had to bite his lips painfully to stop himself from shouting. He wanted to shout at the three simpering adults in the room—scream, tell them _not _to feel sorry for 'Romi the Alicean soldier', but instead to direct all their sympathies to Mikan, who was all but duped, impregnated and abandoned by a twofaced Z demon. He was the only one, apart from Anna, who knew of 'Romi's' true colours, the true colour of his blood: his blood was black as the void, and now, in a few months time, Mikan would give birth to an impure child whose blood will be half-black, half-evil. The thought that a part of _him_ was inside Mikan, this very moment, growing, repulsed him to the core.

And yet… every passing sob that echoed chillingly ("I can't do this alone, I can't, I can't…" – she sounded ever so scared, quite like a small, lost child) softened his fury bit by bit, leaving a dull emptiness in the pit of his stomach. After all, he loved and cared for Mikan more than he hated Z. Every passing cry dulled his vindictive and vengeful feelings, leaving Tsubasa once again in a state of paralyzed shock.

Suddenly Youichi slipped off the couch. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to go see his beloved teacher.

It was Tsubasa who stopped him.

"No, You-chan. You can't. Not yet."

Confused and alarmed, Youichi resisted, pulling his arm away as he indignantly cried, "Why! What's wrong with Mikan! Tell me!" Youichi's newfound determination made him sound like an adult, surprising Tsubasa momentarily.

Gently, Tsubasa crouched down and held Youichi's only hand, cradling it softly. He supposed telling the truth was the best thing to do. "Mikan's going to have a baby. She's going to be a mother."

Youichi did not seem to understand at first. But then, he gaped. "How? Why?"

Misaki joined Tsubasa—she too crouched down beside him, looking at Youichi. "You said Mikan has Romi."

Youichi nodded. "Romi is Mikan's boyfriend."

"Do you think Romi and Mikan love each other?"

Youichi pouted, thinking. Then, finally he conceded, "Well, I once saw Romi kiss Mikan… _on the lips_," he added quietly, as if he were divulging top-secret information, "so I guess so."

Misaki nodded before she explained, "Well, you see Youichi, when a man and woman love each other, sometimes, not always, they express their love towards each other by having a baby."

Yuu blinked, trying to process all this information, utterly bewildered. "… So Mikan is going to be a mummy and Romi is going to be a daddy? To this baby?"

"Simply put, yes."

"Where is the baby?"

"The baby is growing inside Mikan's stomach right now."

Youichi gawked. But then, sadness passed across his face.

Yuu, observant, kind and wise, and who knew how much Youichi loved Mikan, now came towards him too, crouching down beside Misaki. He knew that expression very well. He had seen it a lot at the orphanage—children were prone to jealousy, especially abandoned children who were always fearful that they were going to be replaced. He knew very well that Mikan was more than just a teacher to Youichi.

"Youichi, you know Mikan loves you very much, don't you?" Youichi vaguely nodded; Yuu continued, "This baby isn't going to replace you. Mikan is still going to love you. But you know what the best part is? You're going to be an older brother to the baby! You're going to have to help take care of both Mikan and the baby when it comes. Do you think you can do that?"

Youichi slowly nodded.

Mikan's sobs echoed once again.

Youichi bit his lip. "… so, Mikan is having a baby because she loves Romi?"

"Yes."

Youichi frowned. "Then why is she crying like that? Why is she so upset that she's having a baby when it belongs to her and Romi? Shouldn't she be happy?"

The adults were silent, none of them willing to answer this very pertinent and painful question.

Then, Kaname's soft voice came from the table. He was still sat, so they all turned to face him as he said, "She's crying because she wishes Romi was here with her, not so far away." He gently smiled. "Don't worry, Youichi. She will stop crying soon. Then you can go and see her."

* * *

But Mikan did not stop crying. Anna and Subaru helped her upstairs to her bed as she wept. Although Anna had fervently insisted to stay by her side, Mikan had requested to be left alone. She couldn't face anyone anymore—she was too tired, too desolate to communicate. Words were absolutely impossible for her now.

She wretchedly sobbed in her pillow, one hand clutching the sheets, the other holding her middle, hugging it.

With her emotions drowning her, Mikan could not rationalize her feelings at all. She loved him. In a few months time, she will be having _their _baby.

War was cruel. But most of all, war distorted _everything_. We teach children to be kind, to love, to be accepting but war distorted that. In times of war, barbarity, hatred and division usurped everything we learnt, unraveling morals and principles.

She was to have a baby with the man she loves. If anyone heard that with no context, it'd surely be a cause of celebration. But add 'war' to the equation… well, that changed everything. With the backdrop of the war, having a baby only meant one more person to fear losing.

She tightened her hold on her middle.

How could she possibly do it? She would have to bring this child alone into this world, and take care of it all alone too. What if it died, feeble and small because she was too weak? What if it died because she did not love it enough, wilting away like a neglected flower? What if she could not protect it from the world? What if she died and it was left completely alone in this cruel world, unaccepted and unloved by both Alicea and Z? What if it grew, fatherless, never to know its father? Worse, what if it grew, the war ended, Mikan reunited with Natsume, but Natsume refused, hated the child? The mere thought made her wail like an injured animal.

Nothing was okay, nothing was alright, everything was broken, everything was hopeless…

Her hand that gripped the sheets desperately fiddled for the necklace that hung around her neck. She hastily and shakily held the stone. The stone was warm. Perhaps it was because it had been pressed against her skin, but right then, feeling the warmth of the stone made her think of Natsume's hand. She tried to pretend it was his hand. Of course, it was a mere shadow of an imitation compared to the real thing, but right now, this little warmth was so welcome, so needed…

She knew what she needed. She needed Natsume, _here_, with her, holding her, spooning her from behind, cradling her stomach, whispering inconsequential murmurs in her hair, kissing the back of her neck.

"Natsume," she whispered against her pillow, her voice small, needy and watery, "come back… come back to me… please, please, come back…"

She chanted until sleep took her away.

* * *

*punches through the ground and pulls herself out of the grave* I HAVE ARISEN! I am back! Exams are done (well, they have been for a while, but shh)!

But I'm not really in a celebratory mood. The news of the many terror attacks, Grenfell tower have honestly broken my heart. Speechless. It's not nice to see you city on the news for something so horrific, continuously. I feel very depleted.

Anyway, now that it's summer, I should be updating more frequently, but again, I'm not promising anything.

If, however, you can't wait, I suggest you watch the movie **Suite Française** a watch. That movie has inspired me in more than one way for this story, so whilst you're itching for an update from me, give it a watch to quench your thirst :)

I often write listening to the soundtrack of **Suite Française**, especially the track '_I am free'_.

So, this chapter is depressing. The next chapter is also very depressing, heads up…

ALSO, shoutout to the Guest reviewer **Bubbles **who mentioned Mikan getting pregnant way back in her review for chapter 12! Also, well done to all of you who guessed in the last chapter! So yes, she is knocked up and Natsume is none the wiser. It's not going to be the happiest pregnancy in the world, I can definitely tell you that now. So another question to ponder over (amongst the many), will Natsume ever meet his child?


	21. Abort

A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.

Warning: Themes of abortion and rape.

**Abort**

* * *

She woke up. Her eyes blinked open; she was facing the ceiling. The room was light. She remembered where she was. Her hand was on her stomach. She remembered she was pregnant.

Inside, she cried all over again. But outside, her face was motionless, expressionless. Her body was too tired to mourn, but inside, her heart broke again. Her face felt swollen, waterlogged, heavy. She was frozen still, staring up at the ceiling. From her peripheral vision, she could see Anna's empty bed. Anna was not here now. Anna must be downstairs, waiting for her.

She knew she had to go downstairs. She knew she had to go face them all soon. But she could not move. She did not want to move.

She didn't know how long she stayed like that. It felt like hours, an eternity. But perhaps it was only three minutes.

Eternity (or three minutes) ended with a tentative knock at the door.

Dimly, Mikan registered Anna holding a small tray of food.

Quietly, Anna closed the door behind her. She moved forward, then placed the food on Mikan's bedside table before she pulled a chair next to Mikan's bed.

"I made you some food."

Mikan glanced at the tray. Vegetable soup, stocked with nutrients. Bread for strength. A small bowl of strawberries for sweetness. Mikan looked away, back to the ceiling.

Anna's voice was still soft, but firm now. "You need to eat, Mikan. You can't starve yourself."

"I'll vomit it all up anyway." Her voice was hoarse in response, blunt too, like a true rejection.

Anna persevered. "You won't. And even if you do, it's okay. You're not wasting food. Your body needs the energy and nutrients." Mikan didn't respond in any way—she did not move or speak. "Mikan," Anna's voice was desperate now, "you need to eat."

Her voice cracking, Mikan replied in a small voice, "I don't want to. I don't want to eat anymore."

"Mikan… you're not trying to…?" The question lingered.

Understanding her friend's implicit silence, Anna now fearfully grabbed Mikan's hands. She held the two cold hands tightly in her own warm hands.

"There are other ways to do _that_," Anna whispered quickly, urgently, stroking her friend's cold hands, "starving yourself is _not_ an option, Mikan. I won't allow it." Swiftly, she grabbed the bread roll from the tray and held it out to Mikan. "Please. Eat it."

Mikan did not move.

"_Please!_ Eat."

Again, she did not move.

Tears welled up in Anna's eyes. Despondently, she lowered the bread away. "Mikan… when I came to your house that day, broken and dead inside, you took me in and healed me. So why won't you let me save you?"

"I didn't save you," the previous dryness in Mikan's throat was replaced by a watery sob, "I didn't save you at all… I made it all worse… I let your enemy, our country's enemy into my very home, trampling all over your heart…" Her hands covered her weeping eyes and most of her face in shame.

"Mikan," Anna's voice was high, trembling but her tone was resolute, "you love him. Ignore the rest for now, _please_. Just—"

"No one will love this child."

Anna stood up. She needed Mikan to see _sense_, to help pull her out of his dark, hopeless abyss. "Mikan, don't say that. Don't you ever say that again." She was unequivocally firm now.

Her change in tone had an effect: Mikan now moved her neck slightly to regard her friend, who stood over her, her expression blazing and resolved.

Mikan crumpled under her intense gaze. Her eyes welled up with tears. "It's true," she whispered softly, scared to say it any louder, "no one will love it. It's half-Z; worse, the child of a Major General. You won't be able to love it either. How could you? The father is responsible for your family's death. How could Tsubasa ever love it? How could Youichi ever look at it without feeling the ghost of his arm clenching?"

"Stop it, Mikan. Stop it." Anna sat back down on the chair, and Mikan's wet eyes followed her. Then, to Mikan's absolute shock, Anna's warm hand slipped on top of Mikan's stomach, and she rested it there, tenderly. Mikan froze, like a frightened and anxious cat. Even if it was Anna, she didn't feel comfortable with Anna's hand so close to it. "This child… _your child_, is not responsible for anything. I want you to say this to yourself, with conviction." Mikan's tense shoulders loosened ever so slightly at her words. "This child," she stroked Mikan's abdomen, "is a _blessing_ from the gods—"

Frenetically, Mikan shook her head, interrupting Anna's kind words. "No it's not. No it's not. Anna," she beseeched, teary, "we were careful; this was never supposed to happen. It, it,—" she fumbled hysterically for the right word, "it's an accident! We—I didn't mean for this to happen, never ever like this, _especially_ not like this; not when he's _gone_, not when I'm probably never going to see him again—"

"Mikan—"

She couldn't stop now, the words were tumbling out now, viciously, unceasingly, "—I'm carrying his bastard child; a child he never asked for, never wanted—"

Anna, who was crying now, interrupted in a screeching voice, "Stop it, Mikan! Stop it! You're being so unfair to your child! You can't blame it for—"

"Even if Natsume came back to me, he won't want me because of _this!_" with force, she indicated with her hands to her stomach. "Because of-of-of _this_," she stuttered heatedly; her whole body was shaking uncontrollably as fear completely possessed her, "I'll be _alone!_ He didn't want a child—he wanted _me!_ And now with this child, he won't want me anymore! I don't want it either! I don't want it! I-I hate it! I _hate_ it!"

Mikan's vehement words froze Anna. They stared at each other; both shocked at what had just come out of Mikan's mouth. Mikan's heavy breathing slowed gradually and the furious flush in her cheeks subsided. She was now pale like a ghost, wide-eyed.

Finally, Anna spoke, her voice unwavering, "You don't mean that." It wasn't a question; it was a resolute statement that daren't be contradicted.

Mikan wilted before Anna's clear blue eyes. Mikan surrendered, casting her own eyes down. "No," she sincerely confirmed, her voice very small and extremely regretful, no longer hurried or wild. "I didn't mean that."

Then, she burst into tears and let Anna pull her into a warm embrace. Against Anna, Mikan sobbed like a little girl, and clung onto her neck tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Mikan wept, her apologies directed both to Anna and her unborn child. She thought of it—small, still unformed, trying its very best to grow inside her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… please, please forgive me…"

She knew with all her heart that her child was unblemished, completely and utterly innocent. The child wasn't responsible for the war. Most of all, it wasn't the child's fault that Natsume wasn't here. Her feverish words were untrue, spoken only in the heat of her anguish. But it was so much easier… so, so much easier to blame her agony, misfortune and heartbreak on her unborn child. It was so much easier to shift the blame on the child rather than confront the hollow and miserable truth that she—_Mikan_, herself—was the one who sent Natsume away. She was the one who had insisted to him that it was best for them to part until the end of the war. And because of that, here she was, alone, pregnant with their child.

"Please, forgive me…"

"Shhh… it's alright. I know you didn't mean it. I'm sure your child knows it too. You're scared. And Mikan—you're _allowed_ to feel scared. It's okay. You're allowed to worry, both for Hyuuga and for your child. You're allowed to worry for them. But Mikan, you can't blame your child for anything," she firmly added, "you _can't_. Its blameless."

Mikan fingers dug into Anna, as she looked up at her friend, her eyes swollen from all the tears. Dreadfully, scared again, she cried, "If only you knew what thoughts went through me last night! I-I…" she fearfully shut her eyes close tightly, not wanting to confront her own darkness, "I thought of the most _terrible_ things… I thought of doing the most terrible things to…"

She didn't need to say it—her previous intentions were made clear by her terrified tears and repentant tone. She daren't say out-loud that last night she had thought of aborting her child. She was a young woman; she had heard of other women who had done it, heard their stories, their methods and knew of the dangers that came with doing such a thing herself. But for a good few minutes last night, Mikan had genuinely thought that _this_, aborting her child, was the best solution regardless of any danger that may befall on her. When those few minutes had passed however, and she realized the gravity of what she was considering, she had fallen into a deeper pit of despair.

She left her thoughts from last night unspoken to Anna as she cried.

Anna understood her tears nevertheless.

"Mikan," her voice was very soft, "if… if you want to do that, no one is going to scorn, spurn or despise you for doing so. But if you choose that, you can't do it with your own hands. You have to speak to Subaru. You need a doctor's—"

"No, no, no, no," Mikan frantically shook her head, scared, "no! I… I only thought that last night when I was at my lowest—but I could never actually—! No, no, no! I couldn't! I can't! It's _his_ child! I could never—"

"We won't talk about it again." Anna promised, interrupting her, seeing how the talk of abortion haunted her friend, gripping her with both fear and shameful guilt. She wished she hadn't said what she had said for it seemed to have frightened her friend.

But Mikan didn't cease: "I'm terrible, I'm awful. Aren't I? I know it. How could… how could I ever… even _think _of such a…" A watery scoff escaped her lips, as she resignedly said, "The child's not even born yet and already I'm a terrible mother."

"Mikan…"

"It's true. As soon as I realized I was pregnant, I only thought of Natsume and myself. But aren't mothers supposed to unconditionally love their child? Isn't that what a mother is? Mothers put their child first, right? Yet I-I… I didn't even _consider_ the child's—_my baby's_…" Her words faded. Then, she said, "I'm already the worst mother in history."

Both Anna and Mikan snapped their heads towards the door; it had very slowly opened, creaking, revealing Tsubasa with Youichi in his arms.

Before they could move or say anything, Youichi's bright little voice came. "What?" He seemed ever so slightly perplexed; he had clearly heard Mikan's very last declaration. "What do you mean you're the worst mother in history? You're the best mum ever!" His voice was light and completely sincere. Then, Youichi blushed very faintly, before he sheepishly looked down, suddenly clutching Tsubasa very shyly, embarrassed by his own honesty. "I… I know you're not _my _mum but… I know you're the best mum ever."

It was everything Mikan needed to hear. Immediately, she blubbered and opened her arms, urging Youichi to come embrace her. Youichi wriggled free from Tsubasa and clambered his way towards Mikan, his favourite teacher, his favourite person. She pulled him into her arms when he climbed on her bed and hugged him very tightly, placing his small face against chest, her own face pressed in his hair.

Anna cried at the sight.

She didn't know how long she embraced Youichi for. It filled her with serenity and a sense of a warm promise.

Then, Youichi shifted. She loosened her arms and peered down; he was now looking at her stomach with a childish fascination.

"So, there's a baby here?" He was pointing at her abdomen.

Mikan slowly nodded.

Youichi squinted. "It must the size of a pea because I can't see the bump at all! I remember when Mrs. Fujiyama was going to have a baby—she was ginormous! Your baby must be tiny!"

Mikan laughed, her eyes crinkling. Beside her, Anna chortled too. What a wonderful child Youichi was. She wiped her tears on her cheeks with her fingers before she said, smiling, "It's still growing. Soon I'll be as big as Mrs. Fujiyama too."

Youichi's eyes bulged. "Really? _You_?"

Mikan nodded. "Except you are hereby forbidden to ever use the word 'ginormous' when describing me in the future."

Youichi giggled and Mikan laughed too. His stormy eyes glittered as he looked deeply into her's. She pulled him into her arms once more.

"Thank you, You-chan. Thank you, sweetheart."

"Huh?" his voice was muffled for he was pressed against Mikan. "I didn't do anything."

"One day you'll understand."

As she cradled Youichi, Mikan's eyes now shifted to look up at Tsubasa. Despite having Youichi with her, a darling source of childish warmth and comfort, she felt dread once more when she confronted Tsubasa's steady gaze. Ever since discovering 'Romi's' true identity, Tsubasa had never voiced his true thoughts or feelings out-loud, but Mikan assumed that Tsubasa disliked Natsume very, very much.

She guessed that Tsubasa thought of Natsume as a traitor. And now that she saw how his cool, empty eyes glanced from her face to her stomach, she knew her hunch to be true.

Unconsciously, one of her hands covered her stomach protectively, as if she were trying to shield her unborn child from Tsubasa's vacant gaze.

Nonetheless, her eyes silently apologized to Tsubasa. She didn't want to apologise out-loud—not in front of Youichi, at least—and she prayed that Tsubasa understood her expression. She kept her gaze on him, determined to show her sincerity and the depth of her apology.

Tsubasa sat on the edge of Mikan's bed. Then, silently, he mouthed, _"None of this is your fault. Don't apologize."_

Mikan pressed her lips together. She didn't want to cry anymore. So, she tried her very best to smile, mouthing back, _"Thank you."_

Tsubasa nodded. But from his stiffness, Mikan could see that Tsubasa was not entirely accepting of this situation. Yet his reaction was more than Mikan had hoped for.

"Kaname said you can stay here as long as you want;" Tsubasa said, "he said you're more than welcome to stay here even after the baby comes—"

"Me too," Youichi interrupted excitedly, "Kaname said I could stay if I promise to help you! So I promised!"

"Wow!" Mikan smiled, caressing his silvery hair, "Lucky me!" Then, she turned to Tsubasa, and replied in a more serious tone, "That's ever so kind of him. I must thank him."

Tsubasa reassured her, "You don't need to thank him now. Take your time."

Then a frowned marred her face when she carefully considered Kaname's offer. "Is he sure? A baby… it'll undoubtedly disturb him, Misaki-san and everyone else—"

"Let's worry about that later." Anna insisted, putting a hand on Mikan, in an attempt to slow down her racing mind. "For now, let's just be thankful and focus on," she took this opportunity to pull the tray off the bedside table and onto her own lap, "eating."

Mikan conceded; she took the bread from Anna, thanking her.

Tsubasa added, "Anna's right. Now is the time to focus on your health. The baby won't be here for a while."

"When will the baby come?" Youichi asked, looking at Mikan.

Once she swallowed her mouthful, she answered, "In a few months time." She then looked up at Tsubasa and Anna. "I… I'm not actually sure how far along I am."

"Good thing we have a doctor at hand."

As if he knew he had been summoned, Subaru now appeared at the door. He looked very tired. But when he saw that Mikan was up and eating, his expression did soften slightly. He did not sit; Subaru remained standing as he asked Mikan certain questions regarding how she felt. His tone was firm, but sometimes, a tentative question-mark lingered here and there in his words.

After Mikan had finished her meal, Anna gave up her seat to Subaru. Subaru sat down by Mikan's bed and asked for Mikan's wrist so he could take her pulse.

"You couldn't be at a better place," Subaru asserted, explaining, "The fresh air and the fresh food… this place is absolutely ideal for childbirth. So don't you go worrying about anything, you hear me?"

His brotherly tone made Mikan smile bashfully.

Now, in a pragmatic fashion, with his back straight and his expression professional, Subaru continued, "You should write to Romi. He needs to be made aware of your situation."

Observant and perceptive by nature, Subaru did not miss the way Tsubasa's shoulders tensed; the way Anna's eyes widened, or the way Mikan evasively averted her gaze. It was like the temperature in the room dropped as awkwardness manifested in the very air.

"… What platoon is he stationed in? I can write to him if you would like?"

Youichi, oblivious of the change, eagerly looked at Mikan, waiting expectantly for an answer with bright eyes. Subaru, on the other hand, raised his eyebrows very slightly. He had not expected such dogged silence, especially from _all three_ of them.

Finally, Mikan answered, "He," she cleared her throat, "he never said."

_He's abandoned her_—that was the first thought that occurred to Subaru. _That day, he left her. He ran away, leaving Mikan behind, despite everything she had given to him. _Subaru suddenly felt very protective, incensed; despite Mikan's wounded look, he strived forward, bristling, "Where does he live? What part of Alicea is he from?"

"I… I don't know."

_The bastard used her and left her! _

But then, _how can she _not _know? He stayed with her for six months! _

At once, Subaru was both offended and suspicious. "What about his parents? Didn't he mention where his parents live?"

_Whitehall_, _Z's capital city,_ Mikan thought, pressing her lips together. Briefly, she wildly imagined writing a letter to Mr. and Mrs. Hyuuga—how on earth would they react to such news? _Dear Mr. and Mrs Hyuuga, How do you do? You've never heard of me, but in a few months time I, a poor Alicean woman, with very little money and absolutely no status, will be giving birth to your son's bastard child._ They would react badly. _Very_ badly indeed. How could they not? It would be a scandal. Natsume had told her that his family was elite, rich; she was undoubtedly 'beneath' him, in terms of her upbringing, pedigree and (from their point of view) race. Not to mention, Natsume already has a rich, beautiful and influential fiancée, handpicked by his parents. They'd hate her, no doubt. They'd think she had bewitched their son with Alicean magic, purposefully ensnaring him with a child. His fiancée, Luna, would despise her too. She'd think Mikan had stolen Natsume from her… and, well, that was the reality of the situation. All these realizations depressed Mikan. She hadn't even considered Natsume's family until now. Or Luna. What would Natsume's beloved little sister say? Would she also brand Mikan an 'Alicean whore', and encourage Natsume to quietly leave Mikan and their child without a trace? They'd probably want to sweep her and her child away under the rug, away from Natsume and his fiancée, and forget this messy, _foreign _ordeal, as if it were just a dirty little secret to hide in the closet.

Mikan forced herself to dispel such disheartening considerations.

In a small voice, she finally said, "No," trying her best to hide the truth.

Subaru could no longer hide his distaste. He was now utterly convinced that Romi was a dishonorable man. There were many such men in the world; they crawled in all the corners of the earth, but he had not pegged Romi to fall under such heinous category. Bitterly, he remembered how Mikan had begged Subaru to come to hers to treat a soldier. Did her kindness mean nothing to him? She had taken care of him; cleaned his wounds, fed him, given him a safe place of refuge! Did _she_ mean nothing to him at all? Did he simply just run with his tail between his legs as fast as he could, with no thought or regard towards Mikan, as soon as he spied an opportunity to escape Hoshikuzu without the authorities catching him, in the midst of all the chaos?

And now, Mikan was pregnant with such a man's child? Romi, or his family at least, must take responsibility! Did he expect Mikan to bring up their child alone? What about the child's expenses? Education was costly. Healthcare even more so—

All these thoughts must have shown on Subaru face, for earnestly, with hopes to reassure his appalled expression, Mikan said, "Subaru, if there was a way to tell him, I would. There's just no way to contact him right now. I care for him very deeply, and I know he feels the same way about me." She felt his necklace on her skin, "If we both survive the war, we've promised to meet in Hoshikuzu. So it all rests on that."

"He will!" Youichi suddenly piped up, determinedly. "He promised to live with us!"

Subaru did not seem satisfied, but he did not press the matter any further. It was still early days. He supposed Mikan didn't have to worry about the economical practicalities of raising a child until it arrived.

"I do need to use the phone though," Mikan shifted in her bed before looking at the three adults before her, "I need to call _my _parents."

"I'll tell Kaname—"

"No, don't worry. I won't yet. Not today. I," she bit her lips worriedly, "I… I need to come to terms with my own motherhood before I call _my_ mother. There's a lot I need to consider before calling them…"

* * *

Mikan's parents, Yuka and Izumi Sakura, lived in Hina with Yuka's father. Yuka's father (or Jii-chan, as Mikan fondly called him) was old, and her parents had moved south when the war had begun to take care of him.

Mikan pressed the phone close to her ear, listening tentatively to the bleating ringing tones, as she closed her eyes. She imagined her family sitting in the living room that overlooked his small little garden that he tended every morning.

She imagined her grandfather shouting at her mother, telling her to answer the 'goddamn loud and annoying phone'. She imagined her mother grumbling but complying nonetheless.

It had been five days since Mikan had discovered she was pregnant. Now, she was in the study with both Anna and Tsubasa, clutching the phone—she had asked them both to be by her side when she broke the news to her parents. She was very nervous—terrified, even. Last night, she had decided after having a long discussion with Anna that she was going to tell her parents the truth: she was going to tell them that she was pregnant with Natsume Hyuuga's child (not Romi, the Alicean's). She was going to tell them that she had fallen in love with a Z, and in a few months time, she would be a mother to a half-Z—

The phone-line opened.

"_Hello?"_

It was her mother. She sounded out of breath.

"Mum—"

"_Mikan! Oh, we were so worried! We heard what happened in Hoshikuzu—are you alright? Izumi was thinking about going—"_

"I'm fine, I'm fine! I'm not in Hoshikuzu anymore. Dad can't go—"

"_Oh, thank the gods! Izumi! Izumi! Jii-chan! It's Mikan—"_

"Mum, I need to speak to you. I'll speak to dad and Jii-chan afterwards. I need you, mum."

Whether it was her tone or words that stopped Yuka, Mikan would never know.

Calmly, but with a very slight trace of concern, Yuka asked, _"Mikan? What's happened?... Has someone died?"_

"I… I mean, I'm sure many died during the invasion. I'm sure most of the town is destroyed by now. I've managed to escape to the countryside with some others, including Subaru and Anna." The two were family friends; Yuka and Izumi knew both Subaru and Anna well. "It's… mum, it's been a very hard few days."

"_I'm sure… I can't even imagine… poor Hoshikuzu… poor you…"_

Mikan exhaled. "Mum. I need to tell you something." She thought it'd be best to tell her the news swiftly rather than let the conversation dangle. "I'm pregnant."

Yuka was clearly not expecting this. _"W-What? … I didn't quite catch that."_

"I'm pregnant."

Silence. Then, "_Izumi! Izumi! Izumi!"_

Soon, her dad was on the phone too—her two parents' voices filled the line; Yuka told her husband before Mikan could break the news to her father.

"_Mikan!" _Izumi cried. _"Are you married?! Who did you marry?"_

"I-I'm not married—"

Her parents exploded, incessantly talking over each other, asking questions frantically—

"Mum! Dad! Listen to me, please!" They complied. Shaking, Mikan launched into her speech, the speech that she had practiced so diligently with Anna so many times last night, "Please listen to me carefully and with an open-mind and an open-heart. Nearly seven months ago, I saved a soldier's life. I fell in love with this soldier. His name is Natsume. He's the father. I am hoping to marry him once the war ends, provided of course that we both survive. Natsume…," she swallowed (here comes the hard bit), "Natsume isn't from Alicea."

Her father spoke first, in an eerie voice._ "… What do you mean he's not from Alicea? Where's he from?" _But the hard manner in which he spoke—it was as if he already knew the answer to his question.

Mikan tried to steady her breath before she finally revealed, "Z. He's from Z."

Yuka spoke first, her voice high, squeaky and absolutely stunned. _"Mikan… my dear… you were raped?_"

Despite all the hours she had spent worrying about her parents' reaction, rape was a topic that had not even been considered by Mikan. She gaped, but then her whole face contorted into an upset frown. Natsume? Rape? Never! The mere thought broke her heart—during all those wonderful nights they had spent together, he had never ever shown her anything but love, adoration and utter compassion!

"No!" Mikan rose to defend Natsume. She couldn't bear to think that her mother's automatic assumption had been assault. Was the thought of an Alicean and a Z in love utterly inconceivable? "He didn't—he _never_—he would _never—_"

"_Mikan, you _poor_ child—"_

Her mother's sympathetic tone told Mikan that her mother did not believe her one bit: clearly, he parents believed otherwise, believed the worse.

"No! I'm not—I'm—_no!_" Mikan's coherence faltered, and then her whole body shook as a frantic determination shook through her; she felt she needed to _prove _Natsume's worth and his kindness to her parents on his behalf, "He loves me! He's the best man I know! He—"

"_Mikan, he doesn't. He doesn't love you. Zs are not capable of such feelings." _That was her mother.

Tears sprung to Mikan's eyes. "He does. He does love me. He's a human being. Of course he's capable of feeling—"

"_Zs are not human,_" This was her father, "_and I absolutely forbid you to give birth to such a child._"

"D-Dad—"

"_Come to Hina, Mikan._" Her mother insisted. "_Don't be scared. I know a doctor. No one needs to know about this. I hear abortions are very safe nowadays—_"

"Mum! I'm _not_ aborting my child—"

"_What are you talking about?! Of course you must abort it! You can't give birth to a Z! That's absolutely out of the question! A Z, Mikan! A Z! It's a product of rape!"_

"Our child not a product of rape!" Mikan bellowed into the phone, crying heavily, "My child is—"

Izumi shouted back with equal fervor, _"How dare you, Mikan! Where is your Alicean loyalty?! Have you no shame, you disgraceful, disgusting child? Do you know how many Alicean men have died fighting for _your _future? You disgrace them! You spit in their dead faces! How dare you betray your country! How dare you even consider giving birth to such an abomination, you green-girl! A Z?! You must be fucking joking, Mikan!"_

Mikan sobbed; then, routinely, a shaking hand found the necklace around her neck. She held the stone tight as she unevenly responded, "The child is guiltless—"

"_We will never accept such an abomination as a grandchild. And until you've aborted it, you are not my child either. You're betrayed your family, but most painfully, you've betrayed your country."_

"Dad—" Mikan beseechingly begged, crying.

"_The next time you call us, it'll be to inform us that you've aborted it. Until then, don't call us."_

"Dad, mum, _please_—!"

Her parents hung up.

Mikan wilted to the floor, wailing. The hand that had held the phone now fell to her stomach. She clutched her middle tightly. Immediately, Anna held her, steadying her, bringing her slowly to sit down. Mikan cried in Anna's arms as her friend cradled her head, stroking her hair reassuringly.

"I'm sorry, Mikan. I'm sorry."

Besides her, Tsubasa crouched down to the floor beside Mikan. He also hugged her. Between her two friends, Mikan cried as she reeled in the shock of the conversation. It had gone so, so much worse than she had ever anticipated. Never in all her life had her father spoken to her like that. Was one's country truly more important than one's own child? It hurt so badly; her heart hurt so terribly…

Yet at the same time, she couldn't believe her parents' words and wishes—their prejudice, their _fury_, and their beliefs… she couldn't believe that her parents had called her unborn child an abomination—

"You're not an abomination, you're not…" she found herself murmuring as she caressed her stomach, "you're not an abomination, I promise…"

Tsubasa swallowed painfully. It was there and then he promised that he was going to love Mikan's child, regardless of 'Romi'. He was going to accept it wholeheartedly and sincerely in his life when it arrived into this world, small and innocent.

It was like he could read Mikan's mind. He knew what she was thinking.

"Mikan, you're not going to have to raise the child alone. You're going to have all of us by your side, every step of the way."

Anna nodded fervently. "That's right. We're all here for you and for your child."

Mikan nodded, thankfully. But right now, the wounds her parents left her were far too deep and far too raw to ignore.

* * *

A/N: I know that Izumi and Yuka are very OOC. But for it's for the purpose of this story, so hopefully you'll all look past it. It's supposed to be very shocking—after all, they are essentially refusing to be grandparents to a child who has foreign blood. Will they ever accept their grandchild? Only time will tell…

**Also, sorry if this sounds very anti-abortion. I want to stress that I am completely pro-choice!**

Review replies:

Natsumemikan123: Thank you for your review! Yep, the last chapter was v. sad, but this isn't much better, is it? I'm sorry. Hopefully you stomached it! **Misaki and Tsubasa's history will be explained and explored in the upcoming chapters. **

Purple-Hime: Thank you for your two reviews! I know; very depressing… and yes, this is a Mikan chapter. According to my plans, the next chapter will also be a Mikan chapter (won't be as depressing, I promise), and the chapter after that will be a Natsume chapter. As to **how many chapters left: I think this story will have more than 30 but less than 50 chapters. **I can't give you an exact number because I'm not exactly sure myself, sorry! I do want to finish this story by the end of the year though. As to whether I'll give 'your babies' a happy ending—my lips are sealed. I've planned this story to the very last scene, so I know how it's all going to end, but I'm not going to spoil it! **Misaki and Kaname are not married: more about the Misaki-Kaname-Tsubasa trio will be revealed soon. **I know you want a Subaru-Hotaru chapter, sorry this isn't the phonecall you probably wanted. **HOWEVER, Hotaru will be appearing (or talking) in the next chapter! **Thank you for your kind words—praying for all my readers' safety too!

SunBabyBoss: Thank you for your review! You'll find out in due time what happens to Natsume and to Mikan's child… dun dun dun…

Capslock BAE: Thank you for your review and thank you for your kind words about the U.K. Honestly, the world is so tits up at the moment. Oh, let me know what you think about the movie! Hopefully you like it so we can fret over it together, 'cos goddammit, that movie hits me right in the feels but not many people seem to know it. Hopefully this chapter didn't make you scream, haha. I will say that **Tsubasa will play a big part in the upcoming chapters** though, in terms of the war… dun dun dun…

BloodRedRubies: Thank you for your review! Yes, well done for guessing! And yes, more angst indeed. I'm not actually a fan of angst, but this story just screams for more of it haha. Hopefully you're not crying in a corner right now… and yep, you're right, Natsume definitely 'needs to know man' (dunno why, but that phrase of yours made me laugh).

Guest: Thank you for your review! It was really on point. Yes, Mikan definitely did consider aborting the child. It is more practical—she knows this well but in the end, her feelings towards Natsume won out. Yes, the child definitely has the potential to be a symbol of unity, love and harmony, but clearly, not to everyone (i.e. Mikan's parents). To them, it's simply a disgusting abomination. :( I won't say anymore about the child though—don't want to spoil it!

Fernanda: Thank you for your review! Don't worry about misspelling my penname; I confess I do too, haha. And concerning your two hunches (either Mikan dies in childbirth or Natsume dies in battle)… my lips are definitely sealed! I'm sorry it's so heartbreaking!

TheShiroNeko: Thank you for your review! Glad you like the style and plot :) That makes me happy!

ToukaKanekiUlle: Thank you for your review! Yes, it is very sad :( This chapter's pretty damn sad too.

Mystique0831: Thank you for your review! Well, hopefully this chapter made your day again, despite its (once again) depressing content…

**Next chapter won't be as depressing, I promise. Another Mikan chapter coming up, followed by a Natsume chapter!**

Until then, stay safe!


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